[SKRIVA] Om andra förf skrivit LOTR

From: Ahrvid Engholm <ahrvid@xxxxxxxxxxx>
To: <skriva@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>, <sverifandom@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Date: Sun, 10 Oct 2010 17:11:33 +0200
En samling prov på hur det möjligen kunde se ut om andra författare skrivit 
Lord of the Rings:
 
http://www.astro.umd.edu/~pierce/lotrbyothers.html
 
Bl a Hemingway, Mark Twain, Neal Stephenson, Douglas Adams, PG Wodehouse, osv. 
Här har vi t ex den version Gene Roddenberry skulle ha skrivit:

"The Halflings, cap'n, they will na take the strain" 
"Strider, we've got to get out of this snow. Legolas, did you get a reading on 
that creature?" 
"Fascinating, Captain. It appears to be an unknown creature that lurks in the 
pool waiting for passing strangers. Ecologically implausible, captain." 
"Do you know what it is?" 
"I believe I said it was unknown, Dr Gimli. Logically, if I knew what it was, 
then it wouldn't be unknown." 
"Cap'n, we're in some sort of temporal warp, stretching and deforming the plot. 
The snow should take place a day before our encounter with this beastie." 
"Captain, what are we going to do?" 
"Boromir, put on that red armour." 
"Cap'n, she can't hold much longer...."
 
Eller varför inte PG Wodehouse:
 
The trouble with writing an epic, I find, is knowing just where to begin. So 
here I am, quill and parchment at the ready, a full bowl of pipeweed and, dash 
it, have great difficulty in beginning! That's the trouble with epics, as I 
suspect old Treebeard himself would say, and wasn't he a one for insisting that 
every story begin at the very beginning - of time, that is, and it takes all 
one's memories of school training to be polite to the old boy when you're 
rushing to catch an Eagle. 
I brought this up with Gandalf when he dropped by yesterday. "Gandalf", I said, 
"Do you remember that old ROP we dropped into the crack of Mount Doom?" He did, 
of course. It was one of those rectangular - no, I mean rhetorical - questions. 
How could one forget? It was a tale to freeze thy blood, to make one's hair 
stand on end like quills upon the fretful porpentine - though I've never 
understood why one says porpentine when you mean porcupine. Something to do 
with elves, no doubt. I had been thinking of making a start by putting one of 
the elven marching songs on the title page, but all I can remember os 'Ding, 
dong, ding, dong, ding, dong, I hurry along', which would never do. Elrond 
would never approve. 
So Gandalf applied himself to the task at hand - and that's a sight to see that 
makes strong men gasp and the ladies swoon. You could see the blood whizzing 
through that magnificent brain of his, chock full of all that health food he 
grazes on with Tom Bombadil. When there's a problem to be solved, just slip a 
few nuts and berries to old Gandalf and stand back, I say. Frightening, really. 
So after a good think, Gandalf suggested Bilbo's eleventy-first birthday, and I 
knew right away I held the winning ticket, cash for life with no taxation. 
"Perfect" I told him. "That's just precisely where I'll set the starting post. 
You have hit the n. right on the h." 
 
--Ahrvid
 
...som själv stundom fuskat litet i att parodiera andra författare.

--
ahrvid@xxxxxxxxxxx / Gå med i SKRIVA - för författande, sf, fantasy, kultur 
(skriva-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx, subj: subscribe) YXSKAFTBUD, GE VÅR WCZONMÖ 
IQ-HJÄLP! (DN NoN 00.02.07)
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Fuglesang: "stor förnöjelse...jättebra historier i mycket sannolik 
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[SKRIVA] Om andra förf skrivit LOTR

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