[pchelpers] Humor
- From: Scott McNay <Wizard@xxxxxxxx>
- To: pchelpers@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Sat, 12 Jul 2003 22:56:20 -0500
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Selected-By: Dave Hemming <dhemming@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> O vastly knowledgeable and experienced Oracle, who can fix any
> problem almost before it occurs,
>
> When I try to print out the answers you send me, my printer doesn't
> print. What should I do?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Troubleshooting Guide for Printer Problems
}
} Problem: Nothing prints, front panel says "PC LOAD LETTER."
} Solution: Printer is out of paper. Put paper in letter tray.
}
} Problem: Everything printed is gibberish.
} Solution: Some bozo is printing a binary file. Cancel the current
} job, track down bozo, shove the ream of paper he wasted down his
) throat.
}
} Problem: Nothing prints, front panel says "PC LOAD MANUAL."
} Solution: Printer is waiting for manual feed. Put paper in manual
} feed tray.
}
} Problem: Nothing prints, front panel displays normal status, printer
} is not visable from network/local machine
} Solution: Printer may not be properly connected to network/printer
) port. Check cabling for printer's network connection or parallel
) port as appopriate.
}
} Problem: Nothing prints, front panel display is blank.
} Solution: Printer is off. Turn printer on.
}
} Problem: Printer functions normally for everyone's jobs except yours.
} Solution: Workstation's printer setting are hosed. Check printer
} settings on local workstation to verify that they reference the
} correct printer.
}
} Problem: Nothing prints, front panel says "INSERT HAND TO CONTINUE."
} Solution: Printer requires blood sacrifice. Insert hand into manual
} feed tray, or, if future use of hand is desired, get coworker to
} insert his hand. Recommend use of virgin hands.
}
} Problem: Jobs print normally but then burst into flame, plastic
} surfaces of printer are soft to touch.
} Solution: Printer is on fire. Turn off flamethrower.
}
} Problem: Printer is missing.
} Solution: Printer has been stolen. Buy new one.
}
} Problem: Print jobs are streaked and/or faded.
} Solution: Toner cartridge is malfunctioning. Replace toner
) cartridge.
}
} Problem: Printer doesn't work.
} Solution: User error. Try a bigger brain.
}
} You owe the Oracle an etch-a-sketch.
Regards, John Durham (list moderator) <http://modecideas.com/contact.html?sig>
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