Very helpful amd hopeful. Over Christmas break when my daughter was home from
BYU Hawaii, my goal was to accept and love. She kept throwing it in my face all
the things I had said a year ago to prevent her from baptizing and following
her bf to BYU Hawaii. With the grace of God, somehow, I stayed calm and kept
reinforcing that I love her and accept her for who she is. We now text or talk
several times a week. Mainly light conversation but she opens up occasionally
as well. Definitely better than we were.
We bought her wedding gown, ordered flowers amd started planning her bridal
shower while she was home. It makes me sick because I do mot support this
wedding at all. I don’t like the boy amd his family literally manipulate my
daughter and control her with their religion and beliefs. But biting my tongue,
keeps me in her life. If I say anything, it reinforces what they are teaching
her. I saw notes from her religion class, and she considers her family “the
cross she has to bear” because we are not Mormon, and therefore are filled with
“Satan- thoughts which will prevent her from leading her true life, focusing on
the (Mormon) Heavenly Father”. I cried to my husband after seeing this but said
nothing to my daughter. Just love and smiles. Hardest thing I’ve ever done as a
Mom. My daughter’s anxiety is the worst I’ve ever seen. Her acne is a mess. You
can see the internal struggles between who she’s always been and who they are
forcing her to be. Her fiancé manages much of her life amd speaks for her
sometimes. It’s horrid. I wish I had known how dangerous this faith was a
couple years ago. Thank you though. It very much helps to know I’m not alone.
Have a fantastic day! Karen Centonze, Sent from my iPhone
On Jan 30, 2021, at 11:36 PM, Coo-ee <dmarc-noreply@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Hi Pastor Dave:
I do feel uncomfortable sharing, but I also understand this is a space where
we share in order to encourage each other in our separate but similar
struggles, trying to figure out how to maintain a relationship with those we
love who are in some ways unreachable.
To answer your question about what aspects of the LDS church were shared with
me as troublesome, here are a few... How the church has worked at covering up
(glossing over?) parts of its history. How the church has actively worked
against LGBTQ rights. The ongoing sexism. These are common concerns for any
LDS member who is conflicted with doubts.
I think if the LDS church wants to hold onto its younger members, they're
eventually going to have to figure out a way to #1 be more honest with their
members about some sketchy history, #2 move forward to a more modern,
progressive outlook concerning the rights of women and LGBTQ members of
society. This seems to be what a lot of the younger people want and rightly
so.
Again, let me recommend the "exmormon" Reddit forum for a more in depth look
than what I have to offer from my sidelines viewpoint. One needn't have a
Reddit account, you can just do a search for "Reddit exmormon" and their page
will come up in your search results.
Hoping my response helped - "Cooee"
On Saturday, January 30, 2021, 05:53:00 PM MST, David Maxwell
<dmarc-noreply@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
I'm not sure who wrote this comment, "Yes, they're still LDS members, but
they now speak openly (to me, at least) about their dislike of many aspects
of the church. My feeling is that they may eventually leave it completely."
But who ever did, would you mind sharing with us on this website, if you feel
comfortable, what some of those aspects of the LDS church they don't like. I
have two grown grandsons who were raised in the church, but are not active,
and twin grandkids who are still in high school and I would like to hear,
with your permission, what some of the present dislikes are from others how
have been in it.
Thanks for your help, appreciatedPastor Dave
On Saturday, January 30, 2021, 02:50:21 PM PST, Coo-ee
<dmarc-noreply@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
mber jeannemk401.
Jeanne, I too had a very close relationship w/my son, up until he was 17 and
became involved with Mormon teens. When he was first interested in their
church I didn't think much about it, other than being aware that it's common
for all of us to explore stuff like that in our teens.
But then, over the course of a year or so, things changed and it became clear
that he was pushing me away until eventually he went on a 2-year mission.
That was, hands down, the hardest 2 years I've ever lived through. FAST
FORWARD 10 YEARS .. I'm happy to report that my son is now "mentally out".
He's married to a Mormon girl and they have children. Yes, they're still LDS
members, but they now speak openly (to me, at least) about their dislike of
many aspects of the church. My feeling is that they may eventually leave it
completely.
When I was where you are now, it felt very hopeless. I felt that my son had
been sucked into something that would never end. But it did get easier. Even
before he became disillusioned with the church, we gradually regained some of
our previous comfort with each other. I don't think that could have happened
if I had cut him out of my life or if I had berated him about his life's
choices.
I'm very, very sorry you're going through this but please know it can get
better. In the meantime, if your son feels moved to share his new beliefs,
show some mild interest if you can manage it. It wasn't easy, but I did
whatever I could to make it clear to him that I was in no way a threat to his
church. I was very careful not to give him cause to become defensive and pull
even further away from me. It's been over a decade now that I've been
outwardly displaying "acceptance" for a church that I cannot respect because
of their tactics in getting new members. Unless by some miracle both my son
and daughter-in-law get to the point where they lose all respect for their
church, I will have to keep up my "acceptance" forever. It's a very
frustrating experience but I strongly feel it's what has enabled me to have a
somewhat relaxed relationship with them. :(
Sending you a virtual hug, please know you aren't alone in your experience.
Oh, and here's a tip from left field: during my struggle to cope, I
discovered a group on Reddit, called "exmormon" - reading about the
experiences of those who have left the LDS church made me feel hopeful for my
own son.
~Cooee
On Tuesday, January 12, 2021, 03:17:19 PM MST, jeannemk401
<dmarc-noreply@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
As non-LDS my son was offered a scholarship to BYU... soon he fell in love,
shortly thereafter, I witness (over the last year) some interesting "stuff".
During the pandemic he came back to east coast. On Halloween he had an
emotional breakdown (literally, if there wasn't a pandemic, I would have
brought him to the hospital) hating everything about BYU and Utah. On
November 3rd he talked to his Mormon coaches for 3 hours... on November 4th
he came down completely empty stare (his eyes concerned me so much and his
lack of emotion, more) and announced he was going to be going back to Utah in
a couple of weeks. During that time, he moved into a friend's house and I
had little, if any, contact with him. He left on November 26th - Until last
week - very little contact and only in text messages. Six friends and two
missionaries made sure to occupy his time over the last six weeks... they
rarely left him alone, including overnight visits to the temple to pray for
his demons. T
h
ey insisted I was satan's way to persaude him and I had to go. Over the
weekend he sent me a picture of his baptism - I sent him a gift of support.
His non-mormon coach sent a text of concern how lost he appears and
completely uncharacteristic. I really need some support and would appreciate
the opportunity to talk to other parents who have been there - done that.
Locally my friends, family, and even my therapist tell me to let him go and
stop all contact, I know in my heart that would only make it worse (your
article reaffirms that). I want to cautiously keep the lines of
communication open. Prior to this we had an amazingly closer than most type
relationship (due to an eight illness).
Thank you for your supportJeanne
