Have you tried the passthrough? If you want to do a key combination that belongs to voiceover but for something else instead, you do ctrl-option-tab before that keypress.
Also, you didn't say what you need ctrl-option for in vmware. I know at least in windows xp that you can change shortcut keys that are being used so if you are needing ctrl-option for your screenreader, that can be changed.
You should also keep in mind that there are times when you do want voiceover in the vmware window to navigate in some dialogs of vmware itself rather than the particular operating system you are running so this has nothing to do with voiceover being "aggressive". It is in vmware or in your guest operating system that you need to make a change in key assignments.
I will warn, however, that at least in my linux vmware installation I sometimes have a problem with my right arrow key (not in conjunction with voiceover but by itself) not working and I sometimes have to turn voiceover on and off to solve this. I suspect there's a solution for this but haven't bothered to work on it so far but just thought I'd warn you in case that happens.
-- Cheryl May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to You, Lord, my rock and my Redeemer. (Psalm 19:14, HCSB)
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