[lit-ideas] Re: Unacknowledged Factivity

  • From: David Ritchie <ritchierd@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Sun, 19 Sep 2010 22:11:54 -0700

While your oboe gently dreamed, or was it the other way around, my mind turned 
to champagne not on ice, but with ice.  Somewhere there was a garden party.  Up 
drove a lovely Rolls Royce.  Out stepped a grandfatherly guy, who everyone 
knew, played I believe by Frank Middlemass of "As Time Goes By."  He dispensed 
champagne, good stuff, but insisted on dropping ice into everyone's glasses 
before he poured.  Politeness prevented me from saying I didn't think this was 
a wonderful idea.  And then he offered me another glass, "Just to taste what 
it's like without the ice."  At which point I woke up.

No doubt this was all caused by watching "Word Wars," which is a movie about 
Scrabble and which I described to J. last night, before turning in, as 
"slightly more boring than the game itself."  I write this knowing full well 
that you, like my wife and D. and my wife's cousin and her sister 
and...and...and... all think that Scrabble is fun.  Well answer me this.  
Noting that the common denominator in that list is absence of Y chromosome, why 
did they make a Scrabble movie about four male contestants?  Answer: because 
all the top Scrabble players are male.  That's odd. About as odd as someone who 
wants to put ice in champagne, wouldn't you say?

Of course the weather then tossed over some trailers in Ohio, or perhaps that 
was before.  Trailers attract weather.  It's one of the laws that Stephen and I 
made up on our cross country journey. Among the things we discussed on that 
journey and on the subsequent one to Wyoming was returning the Great Plains to 
buffalo herds.  What should I find on our library's sale table yesterday?  A 
book that discusses two academics' proposal to...return the Great Plains to 
buffalo herds, Anne Matthews, "Where the Buffalo Roam; The Storm Over the 
Revolutionary Plan to Restore America's Great Plains."  

"Word must have leaked out," I thought.  Or maybe it was in the sword 
manuscript and someone in New York thought, "There's a notion."  But no!  The 
book attributes the idea to two *East Coast* academics.  East Coast Imperialism 
I call it, the scourge of Modern American Life.  It's as if the West Coast 
doesn't exist.  We must rise up and take back our ideas, free ourselves from 
the yoke of weather maps that barely acknowledge our factivity.  Have another 
glass of champagne.

Or carry on.

David Ritchie,
Portland, 
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