[lit-ideas] Re: British Bibliophiliacs -- destroyed lives
- From: "Mike Geary" <atlas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: <lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Tue, 13 Oct 2009 21:01:09 -0500
: )
Good to see you're still kicking.
Mike Geary
still in Memphis
----- Original Message -----
From: Lawrence Helm
To: lawrenchelm1. post@blogger. com
Cc: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sent: Tuesday, October 13, 2009 8:45 PM
Subject: [lit-ideas] British Bibliophiliacs -- destroyed lives
While debating with myself about whether to resubscribe to the London Review
of Books I ran across an interesting article in the current issue - at least
the first part of it was interesting. I sought to see if I could reference it
online but before finding the correct site ran across
http://www.bookpatrol.net/2009/08/have-books-destroyed-your-life-too.html.
This article is entitled, "Have Books Destroyed your life, too?"
It begins with the plight of book lovers: We'd rather be reading than almost
anything else, but, the author tells us, bibliophiles, even the erudite sort
that subscribe to the London Review of Books, need companionship too. The
article quotes some of the ads appearing in the "Personals" section of the
LROB. Here are a few:
"My animal passions would satisfy any woman, if only it weren't for the
filibustering of this damned colon. And the chafing of these infernal hospital
sheets. Write now to M, 83, for ward visiting hours and list of approved
solids."
"Bald, short, fat and ugly male, 53, seeks short-sighted woman with
tremendous sexual appetite."
"Love is strange - wait 'til you see my feet."
"I am the literary event of 2007, or at least the most entertaining drunk on
my ward."
"Disreputable, mean, ruthless, perverse, hateful wretch. But what do divorce
lawyers know?"
"I've divorced better men than you. And worn more expensive shoes than these.
So don't think placing this ad is the biggest come-down I've ever had to make.
Sensitive F, 34."
"5 September is the anniversary of my divorce. So too are 17 November, 12
January, 8 March and 21 June. Summer is usually much quieter - take advantage
of the sunshine and lawyers' vacation periods by dating impatient,
money-grubbing F, 39."
"Every time I read these ads I cringe with the knowledge that they are all
me. And some are you."
"Today just isn't my day. Neither was yesterday. Tomorrow will be worse. I'm
putting all my money on Thursday week. Also my ex-wife's car and my children's
tuition fees for 2005-08. Compulsive gambler (M, 53) seeks either love or sound
racing tips. Or both. Though, strictly speaking, the latter generally results
in the former."
Surely, not, I thought and (never inclined to take anyone else's word for
anything) opened my current copy to the "Personals" sections," and found
"If you can and do, talk for hours and hours about your love of elderflower
kombucha, refuse to eat anything containing wheat, endlessly refer to your
travels to India at dinner parties, correct other people's pronunciation at
every opportunity and insist on naming your children (all four of them, born in
rapid succession) after members of the Bloomsbury Set, are 46, cold and
sexually hostile, your either my PhD supervisor or my ex-wife. Good day to you
both. The rest of you can try saying something nice to box no. 19/02."
I soon realized this was a ritual these pansophic readers must engage in
before qualifying as someone some other bibliophile might want to meet. Thus,
when some lady (under 34) reads and ad -- "Like every picaro, I've suffered the
degradations of an apparently infinite exile with resilience, but sometimes I
wonder if this bathroom will ever be fully tiled. Rugged bachelor with
roughish charm (think Rico Dredd on a penal colony made from grout) seeks
literary fangirl to 34. Box no. 18/01" - she must first of all not be put off
by the bathroom humor (which would say something in itself). Then she must
evaluate his cleverness and decide whether she is intrigued. I didn't know who
Rico Dredd was; so I looked him up in Wikipedia. He appears to be a grotesque
cartoon character. Why describing oneself as a Rico Dredd look-alike might
attract any female escapes me, but then I am American and not British,
And I still haven't decided whether to resubscribe to the LROB.
Lawrence Helm
www.lawrencehelm.com
Other related posts:
