[list_indonesia] [ppiindia] Women VS Men
- From: Carla Annamarie <Carla.Annamarie@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: ppiindia@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Fri, 18 Mar 2005 08:19:17 +0700
** Mailing-List Indonesia Nasional Milis PPI-India www.ppi-india.da.ru **
RELATIONSHIPS
First of all, a man does not call a relationship. He refers to it as a
romance, or a period of dating, of going out, or, in some unfortunate
circumstances, "that time when me and Suzy was doing it on a semi-regular
basis."
When a relationship ends, a woman will cry, and pour her heart out to her
girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men are Idiots." Then
she will get on with her life.
A man has a little more trouble letting go. For six months, his ex may not
hear from him, but then, at three on Saturday night/Sunday morning, he will
call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll
never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want to
let you know there's always a chance for us."
This is known as the "I Hate You/I Love You" drunken phone call.
Ninety-nine percent of all men past the age of 21 have made this call at
least once. Some men make a career of these calls. There are community
colleges that offer extension courses to help men get over this need; alas,
these classes rarely prove effective.
SEX
Women prefer 30 to 45 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30 to 45 seconds of
foreplay. For the man, driving back to her place is considered a part of
foreplay.
MATURITY
Women mature at a much faster rate than men. Most 17 year old females can
function as adults. Most 17 year old males are still trading baseball cards
and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school
romances rarely work.
HANDWRITING
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just
chickenscratch. Women use scented, colored stationary, and they dot their
"i's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their
"p's" and "g's." It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman Even when
she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note.
BATHROOMS
A man has 6 items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream,
a razor, a bar of Dial soap and a towel from a Holiday Inn. The average
number of items in a typical American women's bathroom is 437. A man would
not be able to identify most of these items.
GOING OUT
When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. When
a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she will be ready, as soon as
she finds her other earring, makes one phone call and finishes putting on
her makeup.
SHOES
When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, and then
slip in Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag
from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five
minutes later she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk. A
man will wear one pair of shoes for the entire day.
MIRRORS
Men are vain; they will check themselves out in the mirror. Women are
ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface:
mirrors, spoons, store window, toasters, Joe Garagiola's head.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage,
answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for:
weddings, funerals.
LOCKER ROOMS
In the locker room men talk about three things: money, football, and women,
They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as well as
they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women. Women talk
about one thing in the locker room -- sex. And not in abstract terms,
either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and they never lie.
RESTROOMS
Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons. Women use restrooms as
social lounges. Men in restrooms will never speak a word to each other.
Women who've never met will leave a restroom giggling together like old
friends. And never in the history of the world has a man excused himself
from a restaurant table by saying, "Hey Fred, I was just about to take a
leak. Do you want to join me?"
THE MOST IMPORTANT DIFFERENCE OF ALL
Colored underwear. Women are allowed, in fact encouraged, to wear colored
underwear. There is no reason for a man to ever, ever, wear anything
besides solid white.
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