[guide.chat] a definition of marriage: I di, I will, I have

From: "Si Watson" <mrsvilla@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
To: "guide chat" <guide.chat@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Date: Sat, 2 Jul 2011 19:34:54 +0100

 a definition of marriage: I di, I will, I have

I DO, I WILL, I HAVE
A Definition of Marriage

How wise I am to have instructed the butler to instruct the first footman to 
instruct the second footman to instruct the doorman to order my carriage;

I am about to volunteer a definition of marriage.

Just as I know that there are two Hagens, Walter and Copen,

I know that marriage is a legal and religious alliance entered into by a man 
who can't sleep with the window shut and a woman who can't sleep with the 
window open,

Also he can't sleep until he has read the last hundred pages to find out 
whether his suspicions of the murdered eccentric recluse's avaricious 
secretary were right,

And she can't sleep until he puts out the light,

Which when he finally does she is still awake and turns on hers,

And if he thinks she's going to turn it off before she finds out whether 
Janis marries the shy young clergyman or the sophisticated polo player, he 
errs.

Moreover, just as I am unsure of the difference between flora and fauna and 
flotsam and jetsam,

I am quite sure that marriage is the alliance of two people one of whom 
never remembers birthdays and the other never forgetsam,

And the one refuses to believe there is a leak in the water pipe or the gas 
pipe and she is convinced she is about to asphyxiate or drown,

And the other says Quick get up and get my hairbrushes off the windowsill, 
it's raining in, and the one replies Oh they're all right, it's only raining 
straight down.

That is why marriage is so much more interesting than divorce,

Because it's the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable 
object and the irresistible force.

So I hope husbands and wives will continue to debate and combat over 
everything debatable and combatable,

Because I believe a little incompatibility is the spice of life, 
particularly if he has income and she is pattable.

"I Do, I Will, I Have" by Ogden Nash (©1931) from "Versus" by Ogden Nash 
(©1949)


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[guide.chat] a definition of marriage: I di, I will, I have

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