From: debbypolhill@xxxxxxx
To: dpolhill@xxxxxxx
Sent: 1/24/2021 10:40:52 PM Mountain Standard Time
Subject: Fwd: Men are Happy People
MEN ARE JUST HAPPY PEOPLE
This needs no explanation - and is a fun read, no matter your gender. Men Are
Just Happier People! What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your
last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of
themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You
can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water
park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never
have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too
icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress - $5,000. Tux rental - $100. People
never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut,
blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are
over in 30 seconds -- flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation
requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra
credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite
you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a
three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have
strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for
years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play
with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all
seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your
nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a
mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25
minutes. No wonder men are happier! NICKNAME · If Laura, Kate, and
Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kateand Sarah. If
Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat
Boy, Bubba, and Wild man. EATING OUT · When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave
and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of
them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change
back. When the girls get their bill, outcome the pocket calculators. MONEY.
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item
that she doesn't need but it's on sale. BATHROOMS · A man has six items
in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shavingcream, razor, a bar of soap,
and a towel. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is
337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS · A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man
says after that is the beginning of a new argument. FUTURE · A woman
worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about
the future until he gets a wife. MARRIAGE · A woman marries a man expecting
he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't
change, but she does. DRESSING UP · A woman will dress up to go
shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and
get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. NATURAL ·
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate
during the night. OFFSPRING · Ah, children. A woman knows all about her
children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends,
favorite foods, secret fears, and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of
some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY. A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no
use in two people remembering the same thing! So, send this to the women who
have a sense of humor .... and to the men who will enjoy reading.
--
Steve Gore
