Hi All
Thanks for your sharing regarding what happens with people during the
constellation; I've changed the subject in email for a purpose - to
emphasize a relation between suffering and representing as another point
worth consideration. Also there are other points I see from my perspective
and from what I've read here in this thread.
1.There is a basic differentiation between suffering and pain, coming from
Buddhism wisdom and followed in Mindfulness wisdom: *pain is inevitable,
suffering is optional*.
There is a tendency to avoid pain if people *perceive* what happens as
suffering; when people are able to accept pain as a precious source of
information (and basically as a necessary information of what is needed to
regain a balance in wellness) they wouldn't turn away. Here we see people
patterns of avoidance, so beautifully describedd by Anne Becker as avoiding
a need for soul feeding. That dilemma of avoiding pain (or
obstacle/discomfort) is clearly displayed in archetypes and myths and it is
a subject of all spiritual quests.
2. There is a natural psyche projection happening when someone ask such
questions about others, like this cancer patient in the beginning of this
thread; he asks why people will sacrifice because he looks for the answer
for himself. If he would be my client, I'd take this expression as a
hypothesis for what he needs, what he is looking for.
3. I think that is very valid what Anne and Rosalba said about specifics of
cultures grown on immigration experience and in difficulty in seeing beyond
individual experience, as well as need to "forget" about price paid for
leaving old country, and price of living in new country without old roots.
I see this in Australia, and I believe that must be the experience in North
America, and perhaps in South America too. I have a strong experience in
living, participation and facilitation of SCW in Europe and in Australia,
and there are different attitudes of participants.
There is a specific pattern in second and third generation of immigrants;
the first generation can't deal fully with all this painful experience,
they have to survive and to build a new life; the task goes down to their
descendants.
My family in Poland was forcefully displaced after IIWW from their homeland
as a result of the Jalta deal between Stalin, Churchill and Roosevelt.
People in my family couldn't allow the pain to be felt/processed (and
therefore to be healed; that relates also to all other overwhelming war
trauma experience); they had to find how to live in the new land, how to
survive. Avoiding pain was the way to build new life, and also *the way to
belong to old homeland/ancestors through pain bonds*.
Healing from pain would be unconsciously perceived by this first generation
as a threat to love/belonging bonds. The second and third generation is
more free to do the healing but they don't realise what is going on in
family system, where is the source of pain they feel; they endlessly search
for understanding what they feel as individuals (which is not individual
but systemic).
We could see clearly how German descendants could start healing of war
trauma only in third generation.
4. One of turning points in my individual work with clients happens when
clients are able to see how they resonate and take from their ancestors.
When this is only explained in words, it's not a changing agent but
introduction (facilitation of a new concept to client's mindset - sometimes
with a great client's resistance). Then clients go into profound experience
of being actually a part of their family system - by doing constellation in
individual settings (mind-spirit constellation, paper or dolls
constellation, inner images constellation processing) or working in a group
settings.
That experience is maybe one of the most important things I can offer my
clients - when they take the systemic perspective to their minds, hearts
and souls, they would be processing not only this one experience of
constellation, but also what will be happening in their internal and
external world in daily life (again, some people would develop this, some
would not).
5. In my observation, the preciousness of group process in constellation
work is never *fully* replaceable by individual work. And this is very
obvious in my view - living experience of energy of the group and people
resonating with each other is like the level of experience we have in our
families. We can imagine loving touch but the physical experience of actual
loving touch will be always stronger than imagery one.
My best results in working with individual clients come from adding to
individual work the group work experience, and the effect of this group
experience is huge in lowering individual resistance in therapeutic process.
6. In many family systems the unconscious rule is to protect and hide what
is perceived by the system as necessary to hold system etc. For us
facilitators this is the basic challenge we face. How we can break this
protection (resistance)? Should we break it? I see always family system
behind my client, and I bow to it (as an inner act of acknowledgement and
respect) and I believe my first task is to recognise resistance, learning
from resistance, not opposing resistance. This way I can help my client to
do the same.
One of my closest friends experience might serve as a quite typical
resistance; very empathetic and wise, spiritual person, when introduced to
the SCW concept, he was responding with curiosity and openness. But in the
first two group workshops, he was not able to fully go into the
representative state (which wasn't visible as such during constellation but
it was discussed between us after the workshop). Knowing his personal
qualities, I was a bit surprised that he wasn't able to get this; my
hypothesis was that his own* family system resistance*, including a lot of
traumas, was blocking him on unconscious level. And talking with him about
this was a good learning to me.
Then, in a third and fourth workshop, he was just taken fully by this
experience with amazing effects on him and on clients' systems where he was
representing men from these families. He reported experiencing enormous
pain in his chest in one representation (and other extremely strong and
difficult feelings). We discussed it again and it became clearer that his
previous unconscious resistance was coming from his own family system
trauma but also from unconscious protecting himself against pain. When we
processed his experience, he has taken it as beautiful spiritual growth
experience of being in service to others and self-healing in the same time.
And another learning came for me as a facilitator - that people need often
assistance with processing this new strong experience of representing.
In general - all people with whom I had a chance to talk after their first
experience of group work in SCW, said that this experience changed
profoundly their inner concepts of themselves, and all said that
realisation of illusion of separatedness brought a great relief. However
many people still don't know what to do with this, how to permeate this
experience to everyday life.
Many people express also gratitude that representing they can expand their
own hears and souls, and to be less judgemental.
Love and gratitude to all of you
Hania Gorski, M.Psych.*, *Melbourne
ph. (+61) 400 225 357
www.wholerelationships.com
www.constellationseries.wordpress.com
*The world, I’ve come to think, is like the surface of a frozen lake. We
walk along, we slip, we try to keep our balance and not to fall. One day,
there’s a crack, and so we learn that underneath us — is an unimaginable
depth. *James Joyce
