Yes, I am interested in this as well. My father is a transexual, and
I have done quite a few of my own constellations on the subject.
These have been greatly helpful to me, but I cant say that much in
the external world has changed.
I wrote an article on my experiences 14 years ago in the Australian
newspaper. This was then published on the web:
http://www.australianhumanitiesreview.org/archive/Issue-August-1997/gunther.html
I receive a distressed letter every two weeks or so from someone who
has read it, and is the child of a transexual, or sometimes the
ex-spouse. Occasionally I also get a letter from a transexual. The
main issue is that the person in transition is gungho, usually after
a lifetime of suppression. But especially the children find it hard.
Its usualy the father, now a woman, and the child cant find their
place anymore. Sometimes the father cuts off, often they are absorbed
with their own transition, with little energy for their children.
The medical profession does its thing - acts as if they are dealing
with one person, who gets a bit of obligatory counselling. The fact
of course is that its a whole system in transition, every aspect of
which needs support. This rarely happens. I always give the advice to
do some family therapy, and some family constellations work.
The problem is often focused around acceptance or rejection. The ts
person desperately wants to be accepted in their new (they feel true)
persona. But of course, lots of people cant/wont do that. Workplaces
often do, but this is at the expense of any kind of real conversation
about the matter. As if the person just changed their name or
something. Its such a trivialising of something so profound. At the
other end, the family is caught between wanting to still accept the
person, and finding it difficult to do this.
The ts person usually wants total acceptance (particularly from
family), and becomes tuned into rejection. But of course, this just
sets up a very unrealistic binary - either you accept me, or you are
rejecting me. Particularly children find this hard, as they need to
both accept and reject what is happening, to find a new kind of
relationship. A little while after my father's transition, he/she
came in wearing a skirt, and expected me to like it. I didnt - I
still cant say I particularly like seeing my father in a skirt. S/he
immediately felt rejected, and reacted badly. Its a no win situation,
with no space for real dialogue.
I stil consider him my father, and can also accept she is now living
as a woman. But my father considers that that part is dead and
gone/good riddance, and that as a woman she is the real person. This
is a fundamental split of course, just the other end of the previous
split.
But not all ts do this. Some have much more relational capacity, and
more willingness to stay connected, and stay in an expanded parental
role.
There is a great organisation in the US called Colage, which is for
children of ts/bi/ parents.
Vinay
Hello everyone
As a related topic to human sexuality, I am wondering if anyone has
any experience or knowledge of case studies of transgendered
individuals doing a family constellation, and the effects of the
family system on their feeling that they were born with their
physical gender not matching their emotional/mental/psychic gender.
I have heard of people going ahead with the operations to change
gender, only to change their minds later on. I am wondering how a
constellation can help get a deeper insight into their life, before
going ahead with a sex change operation.
Anita Roy
Canada
