Dear Thomas,
Chris Walsh recently brought to our attention that many postings on the ConstellationTalk@ Yahoogroups.com have not had the attention that they deserve. Your email to us in July is one that took my attention which I have been meaning to followup. I liked your summary 'to be seen and accepted just as you' as your real need and motivation in attending a workshop but somehow previously had got the opposite. Although I don't think I could dismiss all that I previously explored before coming to Constellation work as unnecessary detours, I guess they did bring me to 'the next obvious step' - i.e. as a Constellation practitioner. We are only ready for the teaching when WE are truly ready. But very life-changing too.
Now I regularly lead family constellation workshops in Byron Bay (approximtely 4 or 5 a year) where I have lived with my partner since 1995. You mentioned that you will be leading your own workshop here on the last weekend in September. I would very much like to take up your invitation to attend if it is still happening. So far I haven't heard or seen any advertisement for it. I myself have one coming up in the first weekend of October, so we'll see what happens for us. My main difficulty in Byron is getting men to attend!
So I look forward to hearing from you soon. You can read a little bit about me on Chris Walsh's website under 'Practitioners.' I read and saw your photograph on this site too.
My warm wishes to you,
love,
Bubula Lardi
On Tuesday, July 29, 2003, at 04:47 AM, Thomas Falke wrote:
Dear Chris, and all (a few words about myself at the end of this posting)
this is a very good point, and not only for Constellation practitioners!
I guess these questions are first for the practitioner to answer, then for the client.
At least before the first group, the client normally does not have much chance to ask these questions, or get answers.
So it is very important for the client to ask himself why he is going to do a workshop, what he wants to get out of it, where he is clear, and where he does not know what his motivations and needs are. But again, this could be a very difficult process for somebody being in need and at the beginning of his journey.
It took myself countless years to truly ask myself this question: Where am I looking for, what is missing, what do I want and need.
I found that I got pretty much the opposite out of the workshops I attended then what my needs were. My real needs were simple: the right to belong, to be "allowed" to just be as I was. I thought that I was looking for enlightenment or spiritual growth.
In the seminars I went to at the time one was told how to be, in order to be a good enough person to belong........there one had to be unconditional loving, not jealous, angry and all the rest of that stuff, so basically, there was never a chance to belong!
If I would have looked at my "true" motivation in the first place, I could have saved myself a lot of trouble and detours. But I guess, I was in no position to ask these questions, and so I trusted whatever was said or thought. So I did fall into even greater confusion, cause my gut feeling was often different from the teachings.
I guess we, as facilitators, have to point the client to look at these issues, and treat them in a way, that they know deep down, that the way they are (in there core) is totally ok. We look at them from adult to adult.
Constellation work is very helpful with that. No judgements are helpful, and normally we can find the love in all actions of the client, no matter how bad they might look on the outside. With that kind of attitude and respect the client should be pretty save.
In some of the older postings there was a lot of discussions about how to keep or establish a good standard of the work.
I want to add a few thoughts and observations, cause they fit so well with the above subject.
1. I have seen very good facilitators doing very "bad" constellations. Their own unresolved issues simply came into the work. I guess that is very hard to avoid, after all, we are all on the journey.
2. Facilitating constellations creates an energy of it's own, which sometimes seems to lead to a false security into what one is doing. So it becomes more difficult to stay alert to ones own, let's say, imperfections.
Even a lot of training can't help that completely. So what I suggest is to invite other practitioners to join our workshops, and ask for their feedback- after the seminar. (and vice versa) This can be a good training for both.
Last I want to introduce myself to this forum. Thanks Chris for putting me on this list, and for initiating it!
I am German and have lived in Perth for about 5 years. On one of my trips to Germany I attended a workshop with Jakob Schneider, which turned my life upside down. I asked him about where my place in life and in the world is, and 3 months after that constellation I had moved back to Germany and started to learn family constellation with a lot of the great teachers over here.
I am a trained Architect, worked with a lot of different professions, but spent by far the most time on my personal journey. Constellation work put all the different things I learned into context for me.
Since about a year I run workshops myself. In September/October I will combine a visit to my "old friends & home" in Perth, with giving some groups. (Byron Bay 27/28 Sep, and 1.& 2. weekend in Oct. in Perth) If anybody of you would like to join and /or discuss the work, I would be glad to have you there: please be my guest!
One last thing: are you aware of the English Hellingerside? Here the link:
http://www.hellinger.com/international/english/index.shtml
love
Thomas Falke
thomas@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
-----Ursprüngliche Nachricht-----
Von: Chris Walsh [mailto:info@xxxxxxxxxxxxx]
Gesendet: Sonntag, 27. Juli 2003 11:24
An: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Betreff: [ConstellationTalk] Selecting a practitioner
Buddha Siddhartha gave good advice [1][1] on how to select a teacher and then how to relate to that teacher once selected.
I have adopted these points to apply them to selecting and relating to Constellation Practitioners. I was wondering what other people's thoughts about these might be. I am sure these points could be usefully expanded.
hasta la vista
Chris Walsh
An Australian Constellation Website:
www.constellationflow.com
Ø First we need to assess if the teacher’s motivations are good.
If the practitioner is motivated by greed, hate and confusion, this can be achieved by carefully examining a person’s deeds, words and thoughts.
Eg.
§ Is the practitioner overly pushy in getting people to come to his/her workshops? (especially repeat workshops)
§ Does the practitioner work to make participants stronger to face life or do they create unnecessary dependence?
§ Does the practitioner promote an attitude of compassion and understanding of all or do they denigrate certain groups? (eg males or females, perpetrators or victims, various religious or political groupings.)
Ø Once we place trust in a good person we do not need to accept everything they say merely on the basis of faith.
We must verify for ourselves whether what we have accepted on good faith is true or false. We can do this by a careful examination of how things have come to be.
The Way of Siddhartha; A Life of The Buddha
Shambhala
Boulder&London
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