Reading it as 1) an attorney 2) trained and oriented toward CP one could
find a palliative, even compassionate 'meaning' in the author's 'tips'.
Certainly one could rewrite them so that they actually express such a
meaning.
AND I think the items could easily be read by an anxious, even frightened
person facing his/her 'very first' divorce as:
1) I am not your friend. I don't really care about you, I only care about
'your case'. Don't waste my time telling me anything I haven't specifically
asked you for.
2) Not only am I not your friend, I would prefer you have no friends at
all. Having a rough time of it? Hire a shrink or grab a drink.
3) I am not your shrink, and I am still not your friend. Be real sure that
if you make me listen to anything that I haven't told you to tell me, you
will pay through the nose for that infraction.
4) It is MY plan. MY roadmap. I will tell you where you are going and how
and when you will get there. Nothing is up to you anyway, so just shut up
and listen.
5) Do as you are told; when I tell you to do it.
6) If things seem to be going 'slowly', it's almost certainly because you
haven't followed 1 thorough 5. Call me and let me know you're ready to do
as you're told and we'll probably get back to work.
Though there are probably some frightened people who would find great solace
in hearing the tips this way! [?]
*InJoy!*
*cMr*
*Collaborative Practice Chicago*
*Divorce Without Warfare*
*carl Michael rossi, M.A. J.D., L.P.C.
Attorney, Mediator, Coach, Counselor*
*773-292-3456*
*cMr@xxxxxxxxxxxxx* <cMr@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
*www.CPChicago.net <http://www.cpchicago.net/>*
Executive Director, *Collaborative Practice Professionals of
Illinois*<http://cppillinois.com/>
*Apply Collaborative Practice to many types of disputes. Training available
here <http://www.slideshare.net/carlMichaelrossi/flyer-abney>.*
On Fri, Jan 28, 2011 at 3:34 PM, Douglas J. Sanderson
<dsand@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>wrote:
Actually, CMR, I don't see these tips as being inappropriate in a CL
case, though one might add a few that read more positively or
collaboratively.
- #1 is spot on -- I've had clients, a very few, who've been disturbed
by the size of their bills after routinely calling me about all kinds of
things they wanted to discuss at length, the legal components of which were
tiny.
- #2 would always be a good idea, except (1) in a CL case, as to the
other spouse, and (2) as to one's "kitchen cabinet."
- #3 -- see #1.
- #4 is always good advice, especially in a CL case.
- #5 is good advice, though it reads kind of "over-authoritarian" as
written. But if I need a client to do something, it's not for MY good but
rather for his/hers, and it needs to get done, timely.
- #6 -- see #4.
Am I misreading or missing something?
-- -- --
Douglas J. Sanderson
McCandlish & Lillard, P.C.
11350 Random Hills Road, Suite 500
Fairfax, Virginia 22030-7429
Telephone: (703) 934-1122
Facsimile: (703) 352-4300
email: dsand@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
www.mccandlaw.com
On Jan 5, 2011, at 10:32 AM, carl Michael rossi wrote:
That's what I make of this set of 'tips' for clients about their
relationship with their divorce lawyer that I came upon on the web. I'm not
using any links because I'm not interested in bashing litigation, ever. And
certainly don't wish to disparage this attorney. The site does not suggest
that they do anything other than litigation, and In a litigated case, I
might well agree with these tips. [that is, back when I did litigation at
all]
Yet I found the tips a sad reminder. I could spend the rest of the day
doing interlinear comments, but maybe they're too obvious....
AND I wonder what a set of six tips for working with your COLLABORATIVE
lawyer might be??? Thoughts?
*If you've never been through a divorce before, or never had reason to
seek legal counsel in some other matter, then you probably are in the dark
on what to expect with your new, intense relationship with your family law
attorney. Here are a few pointers to help guide you.
Tip #1 - Your attorney is not your best "go to" friend. **First and
foremost, the attorney-client relationship is born of necessity and there is
definitely difficult work to be done. You will be sharing information with
your divorce attorney that you probably never expected to share with anyone,
ever. You will be discussing matters of a highly personal nature. Don't
confuse your attorney's genuine interest as your legal advocate with being
your best friend. *
*Tip #2 - Resist the temptation to talk. Resist the temptation to disclose
confidences to your friends about your case. It may feel like a release at
the time, but you may seriously undermine your case in doing so. Your
communications with your attorney are privileged and confidential. You
should not share those privileged communications with anyone else, and
certainly not with the opposing party.
Tip #3 - Your attorney is not your therapist. The end of a marriage is
often grieved over, as a real painful loss. If you feel the need to talk to
someone, to unload and release some pent-up emotion, consult with your
therapist. Family law cases can be intense, and you may need to decompress
and talk with someone about your feelings and troubles. When you choose to
unload during your sessions with your attorney, the attorney fees will go
up, a lot. When you meet with your attorney, try to stay focused and
reasoned. Attorney's typically bill by the hour, if you want to talk about
something irrelevant with your $350/hour attorney, then accept the
consequences of a very substantial bill at the end of the month.
Tip #4 - Make sure you understand your attorney's legal strategy. Your
attorney should have a fairly solid plan for your case. Legal strategies may
shift as your case develops, but your attorney should keep you apprised of
what is going on, and when, and why. There are a lot of procedural aspects
and details that your attorney will handle directly. However, you should
understand the strengths and weaknesses of your case. And your attorney
should provide you with a roadmap to navigate through what can be a very
lengthy, stressful, and confusing process.
Tip #5 - Do as your attorney tells you. If your attorney tells you to
complete a 15-page form with over 100 questions about your finances, and to
submit it to the law office within 30 days, then get the job done,
preferably early so your attorney can get to work on it. Don't procrastinate
and don't work half-heartedly. Be thorough, do as you are told, and turn it
over to your attorney. Don't make the law office ask repeatedly for the same
information before you take the matter seriously. Every time your attorney
has to follow up and contact you about delivering what you were already told
to deliver, you spend more in legal fees.
Tip #6 - Don't let your attorney leave you behind. Family law cases seem
to take forever to get through, and if there are minor children involved,
child custody and parenting time issues will likely go on long after the
divorce is final. If you feel your case is languishing, and progress is slow
or even nonexistent, speak with your attorney regarding your concerns. You
may need to adjust your expectations regarding the speed at which your case
can be resolved. However, if there are only more delays and no action, then
consider whether your attorney has become less enthusiastic about your case
for a reason. And if so, why? If the relationship has soured between you and
your attorney to the point where your case may be affected, then it may be
time to seek new counsel.
If you are considering filing for divorce in ___, or have legal issues
concerning property division, child custody, or alimony, our family law
attorneys have the experience you can rely on. From prenuptial agreements
through judgment modifications, you can put your trust in the Law Offices of
*_____.
*InJoy!*
*cMr*
*Collaborative Practice Chicago*
*Divorce Without Warfare*
*carl Michael rossi, M.A. J.D., L.P.C.
Attorney, Mediator, Coach, Counselor*
*773-292-3456*
*cMr@xxxxxxxxxxxxx* <cMr@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
*www.CPChicago.net <http://www.cpchicago.net/>*
Executive Director, *Collaborative Practice Professionals of
Illinois*<http://cppillinois.com/>
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