Dear Ellen,
I have worked as a child specialist for about 5-6 years. I have found much
of what Peggy Thompson has to say very helpful.
I see the differences between being a child specialist and being a child
therapist as important though there is real overlap.
1) My first task as a child specialist is to help the family and the team
come up with a parenting plan that is good for the kids and to assist the kids
through the divorce in a variety of ways. Once I have made my recommendations,
the coaches work with the parents to try to help them define that plan in
the light of my observations of their children's needs. When we do not have
coaches, I do sometimes do this working through myself. I do meet with the
kids
in order to define my recommendations for what issues the parents need to
keep in mind in their planning.
2) I do also help the children directly by meeting with the them, or a child
and a parent or some other combination of family, again with specifically
defined purposes. E.G. If a child has always had trouble getting along with
one parent, some very valuable work can be done to improve that relationship
now that the other parent is moving out. This certainly looks very like
therapy, but it is driven by my being part of the family reorganization
process.
3) I also make recommendations about other services their children may need
now or as things progress.
4) I do not continue as a therapist with any child though I remain available
to see them on divorce related matters as the family adjusts. Again, this
more closely resembles therapy, but the basis for it remains the collaborative
contract.
I do make clear to all that confidentiality is severely modified. There is
information I keep private, but I share information relevant to decision
making with parents and with the team. My task is to be helpful to the kids in
being heard and in getting through the process constructively. That may be
therapeutic but it is not therapy..
When I work with a family and their children as they are going through or
have been through a divorce, the confidentiality restrictions are like those
for
other therapy, and I do not talk with attorneys much at all without very
specific permission. My commitment is to the family and child and not to a
team, as well. While I might be helpful to the court, or to lawyers or to a law
guardian, my client/patient is not any of them. In my work as a child
specialist, the team and the process are included in my commitment. Also, if
the
family stops collaborative divorce, my relationship ends.
The techniques and thinking I use in both situations are similar. My
framework of hoping to heal and help are the same. But, my agreement with a
family
and my role are quite different. While this may sound incidental, I do not
think it is. The frame one sets defines the expectations, obligations and
protections for all. I do not want to create an expectation that I can do more
than I can, especially during a crisis like family reorganization. I work hard
to focus my work in very specific ways to answer questions that are relevant
to what the parents are trying to decide and to notice other things they
need to take care of with their children. Even if I am working with a family
only during its divorce, my role is not nearly so circumscribed.
I hope this is helpful. Maria Alba-Fisch, PhD
Collaborative Divorce Team of the Hudson Valley
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