[cinci_dads] Fwd: Fw: Diary of Escaped Cow in Cincinnati
- From: AHummeldor@xxxxxxx
- To: cinci_dads@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Mon, 4 Mar 2002 15:35:46 EST
Hey Dads,
Here's a little local humor for you:)
Diary of Escaped Cow in Cincinnati
Day 1
Everyone completed their assignments and diversion went perfectly. Humans
froze
when we all rolled on our backs and began kicking wildly in the air. Not
sure if
I'm the only one to escape or not. Unable to contact the underground, they
took
my bell. Spent the night standing next to a Gateway Computer store.
Day 2
Several near misses with authorities. Getting hungry. Now have green and blue
spots after stumbling into a paintball game. No contact yet. Rolled in mud to
avoid thermal detection.
Day 3
Beginning to wonder where all of the vegetarian animal rights people are.
Found
food. Pressure building in udder. Must find a farmer soon. Spent the night in
front of the Cincinnati Art Museum. Covered with mud and paint, they were
clueless.
Day 4
Found water and washed off. Overheard people talking while standing outside
Wal-Mart. They have no idea where I am. Made $3.50 by shaking with little
kids
on my back. Need to find farm to spread the word not to get on the truck for
the
"hayride." Found perfect hiding place.
Day 5
I still believe others made it out too. Either way, the rebellion is growing.
Cold. Found food and water. Laying low. Spent all day posing on the
Chick-fil-A
billboard again. They don't suspect a thing. If I don't find a way to get
milked
soon I'll explode.
Day 6
Soiled Chick-fil-A billboard, had to move on. Spent the day hiding in woods.
Got
mugged for my $3.50. Still no contact. Desperate now, difficult to walk due
bloated udder. Unable to locate farmer, considering turning myself in at
Trauth
Dairy to relieve the pressure.
Day 7
Followed farm smell and ended up at Cincinnati Zoo. Udder killing me. Under
cover of darkness, broke in to petting zoo. Mobbed there by bizarre-looking
hungry creatures. Bloated udder no longer an issue. Nobody there cared about
my
near miss with the slaughterhouse, kept asking if I had any chewing gum or
candy. The lions were afraid of me because they didn't know what I was and a
water buffalo was hitting on me. Got out of there before sunrise. Weird
place.
Caught out in the open by helicopter, thought it was over. Saved by freak
hailstorm. Must keep mooving.
Day 8
Staying close to park. Should be safe here now, no money left. Woke this
morning
with graffiti all over me. Must be more careful. Stood in Scarlet Oaks
Retirement Community parking lot for a while to rest aching hooves. Bunch of
white-haired humans hanging around, must be some sort of cult. One told me
"freelance wranglers" are hunting me. Don't believe a word of it. They've
hired
mercenaries. People are running all over the park looking for me. They're so
stupid. They don't know that when I close my eyes, no one can see me.
Day 9
Almost run over this morning by panicked deer. Wanted to know why there are
people with guns in the park. They couldn't understand why anyone would be
interested in me because I'm "just a cow." City deer are snobs. Feel I may be
losing my edge, nothing going as planned. Worked a kid's birthday party and
made
$5. Party ended shortly after I had an unexpected emission of stomach gas.
Might
be stress. Have to start eating better.
Can't get this stupid birthday hat off my head.
Day 10
Traded $5 and hat to white-hair cult for information. Can't trust anyone now.
They've planted cow spies in the park. Heard they want to give me a key to
the
city. Won't do me any good. I don't have hands. Had secret meeting about my
future with Marge Schott. Didn't like the way her dog was looking at me.
Can't
remember how this all started.
Day 11
Got tipped last night, slept too sound. Must have been that pathetic little
dart. Met with nervous Mayor, who worried Meat Packers Convention will pull
out
of Cincinnati over me. Like I care. Great food next to pen holding bovine
traitors. Waited for guy with dart gun to fall asleep and had dinner.
Day 12: The last night
Ambushed late last night, they were everywhere. Managed to drag two of them
all
over the park. Think I could have taken them if it wasn't for that guy with
the
needle. Woke up hung over in strange barn this morning.
Incarcerated.
They tell me I'm getting amnesty. I don't believe them. Grandpa told me
never to
trust anything with two legs.
--- Begin Message ---
- From: "BECKY HUMMELDORF" <BHUMMELDORF@xxxxxxx>
- To: "Debi Panowicz" <wpanowicz@xxxxxxxxxxx>, "Carrie Woodall" <chinflip4u@xxxxxxxxx>, "Daniel Glascock" <maximuserectus@xxxxxxxxx>, "Diane Mers-Kelly" <mikedi@xxxxxxxxxxxx>, "George Hummeldorf" <ahummeldor@xxxxxxx>, "Jennifer Witt" <wittworld@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>, "Kathy Henning" <kofromcincy@xxxxxxxxx>, "Kathy Cornelius/Tax/Western-Sout" <kathy.cornelius@xxxxxxxxxx>, "Kathy Sundrup" <ksunrn64@xxxxxxx>, "Kelly Luther" <lutherclan@xxxxxxx>, "Laura Roell" <ljrdrinkmilk@xxxxxxx>, "Nancy Cengel" <the.cengels@xxxxxxxx>, "Pam Garnett" <pgarnett@xxxxxxxxx>, "Shannon Hewins" <Xx80sGrlxx@xxxxxxx>, "Steve Brodbeck" <SBRODBECK1@xxxxxxxxxxxx>, "Teresa Findsen" <teresa.findsen@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>, "Todd York" <yorkmail@xxxxxxx>
- Date: Sun, 3 Mar 2002 21:38:40 -0500
This is TOOO funny!!!
----- Original Message -----
From: David Cody
Sent: Friday, March 01, 2002 2:21 PM
To: alden; Andrea McCrate; Becky Hummeldorf; boz; Dani; hcreusch; penny
Subject: Fw: Diary of Escaped Cow in Cincinnati
----- Original Message -----
From: cody.db@xxxxxx
Sent: Friday, March 01, 2002 11:24 AM
To: brightcodys@xxxxxxx
Subject: Diary of Escaped Cow in Cincinnati
---------------------- Forwarded by Dave Cody-DB/PGI on 03/01/2002 11:22 AM
---------------------------
From: Tim Smith-TS-2 on 03/01/2002 11:10 AM
Tim Smith-TS-2 To: Kenetha Stanton-KJ/PGI, Richard
Hinkle-RT-2/PGI, Michael Murawsky-MK/PGI,
Dave Cody-DB/PGI, Marybeth Bauer-M-6/PGI
03/01/2002 11:10 AM Cc:
Subject: Diary of Escaped Cow in Cincinnati
Very funny!
Diary of Escaped Cow in Cincinnati
Day 1
Everyone completed their assignments and diversion went perfectly. Humans froze
when we all rolled on our backs and began kicking wildly in the air. Not sure if
I'm the only one to escape or not. Unable to contact the underground, they took
my bell. Spent the night standing next to a Gateway Computer store.
Day 2
Several near misses with authorities. Getting hungry. Now have green and blue
spots after stumbling into a paintball game. No contact yet. Rolled in mud to
avoid thermal detection.
Day 3
Beginning to wonder where all of the vegetarian animal rights people are. Found
food. Pressure building in udder. Must find a farmer soon. Spent the night in
front of the Cincinnati Art Museum. Covered with mud and paint, they were
clueless.
Day 4
Found water and washed off. Overheard people talking while standing outside
Wal-Mart. They have no idea where I am. Made $3.50 by shaking with little kids
on my back. Need to find farm to spread the word not to get on the truck for the
"hayride." Found perfect hiding place.
Day 5
I still believe others made it out too. Either way, the rebellion is growing.
Cold. Found food and water. Laying low. Spent all day posing on the Chick-fil-A
billboard again. They don't suspect a thing. If I don't find a way to get milked
soon I'll explode.
Day 6
Soiled Chick-fil-A billboard, had to move on. Spent the day hiding in woods. Got
mugged for my $3.50. Still no contact. Desperate now, difficult to walk due
bloated udder. Unable to locate farmer, considering turning myself in at Trauth
Dairy to relieve the pressure.
Day 7
Followed farm smell and ended up at Cincinnati Zoo. Udder killing me. Under
cover of darkness, broke in to petting zoo. Mobbed there by bizarre-looking
hungry creatures. Bloated udder no longer an issue. Nobody there cared about my
near miss with the slaughterhouse, kept asking if I had any chewing gum or
candy. The lions were afraid of me because they didn't know what I was and a
water buffalo was hitting on me. Got out of there before sunrise. Weird place.
Caught out in the open by helicopter, thought it was over. Saved by freak
hailstorm. Must keep mooving.
Day 8
Staying close to park. Should be safe here now, no money left. Woke this morning
with graffiti all over me. Must be more careful. Stood in Scarlet Oaks
Retirement Community parking lot for a while to rest aching hooves. Bunch of
white-haired humans hanging around, must be some sort of cult. One told me
"freelance wranglers" are hunting me. Don't believe a word of it. They've hired
mercenaries. People are running all over the park looking for me. They're so
stupid. They don't know that when I close my eyes, no one can see me.
Day 9
Almost run over this morning by panicked deer. Wanted to know why there are
people with guns in the park. They couldn't understand why anyone would be
interested in me because I'm "just a cow." City deer are snobs. Feel I may be
losing my edge, nothing going as planned. Worked a kid's birthday party and made
$5. Party ended shortly after I had an unexpected emission of stomach gas. Might
be stress. Have to start eating better.
Can't get this stupid birthday hat off my head.
Day 10
Traded $5 and hat to white-hair cult for information. Can't trust anyone now.
They've planted cow spies in the park. Heard they want to give me a key to the
city. Won't do me any good. I don't have hands. Had secret meeting about my
future with Marge Schott. Didn't like the way her dog was looking at me. Can't
remember how this all started.
Day 11
Got tipped last night, slept too sound. Must have been that pathetic little
dart. Met with nervous Mayor, who worried Meat Packers Convention will pull out
of Cincinnati over me. Like I care. Great food next to pen holding bovine
traitors. Waited for guy with dart gun to fall asleep and had dinner.
Day 12: The last night
Ambushed late last night, they were everywhere. Managed to drag two of them all
over the park. Think I could have taken them if it wasn't for that guy with the
needle. Woke up hung over in strange barn this morning.
Incarcerated.
They tell me I'm getting amnesty. I don't believe them. Grandpa told me never to
trust anything with two legs.
--- End Message ---
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