> 1. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that > > person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks. > > > > 2. Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for > > anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble > > down the stairs. > > > > 3. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to > > the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen." > > > > 4. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in > > hospitals dying of nothing. > > > > 5. The other night I ate at a real family restaurant. Every table > > had an argument going. > > > > 6. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no > > one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to? > > > > 7. According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they > > notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they > > > notice about men is they're a bunch of liars. > > > > 8. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. > > > > 9. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no > > attention to criticism. > > > > 10. Have you noticed that a slight tax increase costs you two > > hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents? > > > > 11. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the > > world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. > > > > 12. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I > > have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the > > first. > > > > 13. There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers > > exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will > instantly > >disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and > > inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has > already happened. > > > > 14. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it > > takes a whole box to start a campfire? > > > > 15. You read about all these terrorists--most of them came here > > legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long > > > as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster: you're two days > late with a > > video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in > > charge of immigration. Jim Banas jandtbanas@xxxxxxxxx God Bless America