blind_html Santa: A Woman?
- From: Nimer <nimerjaber1@xxxxxxxxx>
- To: Alan Paganelli <alanandsuzanne@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>, blind_html@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Fri, 05 Dec 2008 09:45:26 -0700
Santa's a Woman
I think Santa Claus is a woman....I hate to be the one to defy a sacred
myth, but
I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized,
warm, fuzzy,
nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could
possibly pull
it all off!
For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting
gifts until
Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only
Ronco products,
socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count
alone, I'm
convinced Santa is a woman.
Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up
Christmas morning
to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.
Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all,
there would
be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped to
the rear bumper
of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been
extended.
Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.
Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation
problems
because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and
then refuse
to stop and ask for directions.
Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:
Men can't pack a bag.
Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
Men don't answer their mail.
Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as
anything
remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to
pick up
women.
Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.
--
Nimer M. Jaber
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