blind_html A Drunken Priest
- From: Nimer <nimerjaber1@xxxxxxxxx>
- To: Alan Paganelli <alanandsuzanne@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>, blind_html@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Fri, 05 Dec 2008 09:42:47 -0700
The Drunken Priest
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he
asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am
worried about
getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water
glass. If
I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of
the sermon,
he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon
return to
his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior,
and the
Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he
was stoned
off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this
and eat it,
for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry".
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks
for the grub,
yeah God". and finally...
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St.Peter's, not
a peter-pulling
contest at St. Taffy's.
The Drunken Priest
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he
asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am
worried about
getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water
glass. If
I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of
the sermon,
he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon
return to
his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior,
and the
Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he
was stoned
off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this
and eat it,
for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry".
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks
for the grub,
yeah God". and finally...
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St.Peter's, not
a peter-pulling
contest at St. Taffy's.
--
Nimer M. Jaber
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