I'd suggest that you just consider carefully, before sending those letters to
new people, people you don't know really well, or people who haven't received
them previously. It's lovely to do things that make you feel good and that
other people enjoy, but you are a kind and caring person, and perhaps it
doesn't occur to you that you might inadvertently be making some people unhappy
when you describe your full and happy life. As I was reading the example of
your Christmas letter, I recalled a women's consciousness raising group that I
heard on WBAI many years ago, probably 1969. This broadcast was done every
week for many weeks and it was just like the consciousness raising group in
which I later participated. Each week, the group focused on a specific subject,
and each member discussed her personal experience in relation to that subject.
The broadcast to which I refer, was about Christmas. Many of the women talked
about how disappointing and upsetting the holiday was to them. Their
expectations were so high and yet, somehow, the holiday never seemed to be what
they expected. They also talked about how this was a time when disturbances in
family relationships and personal losses were particularly painful. Christmas
hadn't been that kind of problem for me because it wasn't part of my tradition.
But that WBAI program, helped me understand why it was such a problem for my
husband. Fred had a drinking problem. When the holiday season arrived, his
drinking was especially out of control. So some of the recipients of all those
cheerful, and as marsha describes them, "boastful", Christmas letters that huge
numbers of people send out each year, may be secret sufferers.
Miriam
-----Original Message-----
From: blind-democracy-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx On Behalf Of Carl Jarvis
Sent: Saturday, July 13, 2019 3:46 PM
To: blind-democracy@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: [blind-democracy] Re: Miriam: here's a sample
Well Miriam, I suspect you have a good point. Since I began writing Christmas
Letters because I was put off by the "Jesus Loves You"
letters some of my relatives sent each year, and because I enjoy writing and
telling stories, it never occurred to me to consider the impact. Most of those
we send to are close family and friends, so they already know just how
insufferably happy we are. And most of them also know some of the less
pleasant events and happenings that don't find their way into the letter.
The other problem is that I'm a sucker when it comes to flattery.
When it comes time to begin thinking of another letter, and I drag my feet,
Cathy simply reminds me of how many times people tell her that they look
forward to our year end offering. Thank goodness I don't wear a hat! But you
do raise a conundrum. We're damned if we do and damned if we don't.
When my mother went to work for American Hawaiian Steamship Company back in the
mid 40's, she met a young Jewish woman and they bonded, becoming lifelong best
friends. At mother's memorial, Mary took Cathy and me aside. "I have never
told you," she said, "But your mother always sent me a copy of your Christmas
letter. I do hope you would consider keeping me in the "family". I told Mary
that the reason we'd not put her on our list, was because we knew they did not
celebrate Christmas. "Oh my," she breathed, "In our home we celebrate the
Spirit of Love".
But as an old rehab teacher and as the brother to a very mentally ill elder
sister, I have learned that I cannot rehabilitate anyone who does not want to
put in the effort. And anything I say could be taken in so many ways that it
would be immobilizing to try to please everyone. I would wind up like old
"Silent Calvin Coolidge", sitting on the fence with my mug on one side and my
wump on the other, holding both hands over my mouth.
Or, I could simply go about satisfying my own needs, and hoping I did not do
damage to anyone else.
Carl Jarvis
On 7/13/19, Miriam Vieni <miriamvieni@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Did it ever occur to you that this sort of letter might bring envy or
jealousy, rather than cheer? You're describing the kind of life that
many people might wish that they have, but don't. As a matter of fact,
Christmas is a time when many people become extremely depressed.
Alcoholics tend to drink more. There's a reason for that. There are
traditionally so many stories about happy family gatherings and so
many people are isolated and alone. My feeling is that the kindest,
most useful, most loving way to reach out to people is to call them
and talk with them or to just send love and best wishes during the holidays.
Miriam
-----Original Message-----
From: blind-democracy-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx On Behalf Of Carl Jarvis
Sent: Saturday, July 13, 2019 10:50 AM
To: blind-democracy <blind-democracy@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Subject: [blind-democracy] Miriam: here's a sample
Miriam. Probably you are right, but then these sorts of letters are
meant to bring cheer, along with some information. Here's one sample
of what I write. If you want, I have the entire set between 1995 and 2018.
Carl Jarvis(with nothing better to do this Sunny Saturday morning).
Christmas 2016
Really now. This can't be right. Father Time is playing tricks
again. My baby sister Delores, turning 80 on January First, 2017?
Impossible!
But that's getting ahead of things. This year actually started back
on January 1 of 2016. And in early February we set out to lend a
helping hand to Delores, who had just been released from the hospital.
She had undergone knee surgery and contracted MRSA. She had a
visiting nurse administer the daily meds, while we ran errands and
provided emotional support. While there, we checked out the strange “
bump” coming from under the truck. Seems we'd driven all that
distance, some 1,650 miles, with a tie rod that was ready to break.
Back home, we were in time to join with our good friends Ken and Mary
Hopkins in celebrating their 50TH wedding anniversary, and Ken's 80TH
birthday.
Celebrations can be happy or sad. And yet, Aunt Rose's June 30TH
memorial was both. Sad because we could never again pick up the phone
and spend hours gossiping, but it was also an uplifting time of
sharing so many pleasant memories with her children and old friends.
For our dear friend Edith Kapka, it was a very special year. On June
30, Edith celebrated her 103RD birthday. It also marked the
publishing of her novel. Edith had a book signing that was so well
attended we were only able to squeeze into the entry of the library building.
Probably the big family event of the year was the July 17 extravaganza
Cathy, Marlene and Michael put on to celebrate their mother Dorothy's
90TH birthday. Some 45 family and friends gathered at the beautiful
Kiana Lodge, by Agate Pass. Dorothy's sister Lorraine was there,
along with a tangle of noisy children, grand children, great grand
children, all wishing her another 90 years.
In August, Cathy and I took a break from our rehab work and spent a
few happy days in Ellensburg, with Jennifer and Don. Of course Dylan
and Christina took time off from college to stop by and play a few
hands of Liverpool. We spent part of one day wandering the street
market. My idea of a good, relaxing time.
September 16 and 17 were interesting in the fact that we had lunch at
Alderbrook, quite by accident. We had never eaten at Alderbrook.
Shirley Smith was in town from Sedona, Arizona and we agreed to get
together for lunch somewhere sort of between Olympia and Quilcene.
Shirley suggested Alderbrook. Several days later Harry Whiting, the
Vocational Rehab. Counselor for the Olympic Peninsula called and
wanted us to join himself and his wife Page for lunch. They live in
Aberdeen. So he said we could meet halfway, “How about the Alderbrook
restaurant on September 17,” Harry suggested. We agreed and decided
we weren't going to tell Harry and Page we were eating there the day
before, but the waitress remembered us and spilled the beans. It was
the first, second and probably the last time we have dined there.
Woven among these events were the visits back and forth with children
and grand children. James and Amy are looking permanent, making plans
for a future together. Renae has a new job, and Brian was promoted to
Detective.
And granddaughter Grace continues to call Grandma Cathy, planning her
next stay, and what they will be cooking together.
Two big Thanksgiving dinners again this year. And again, we dragged
our weary bones to bed saying, “This has to be the last time”. But we
said that last year, too. And as we lay there, we think of all of the
laughter and all of the food, and all of the bustle and chatter.
These are the memories that will still be nestled inside the heads of
our children, grandchildren and great grandchildren long years from now.
Building memories, beautiful memories. What better job could there
ever be for two tired grandparents?
So we wish for each of you, have a grand time building special
memories this coming year.
Carl and Cathy
