Well Miriam, I suspect you have a good point. Since I began writing
Christmas Letters because I was put off by the "Jesus Loves You"
letters some of my relatives sent each year, and because I enjoy
writing and telling stories, it never occurred to me to consider the
impact. Most of those we send to are close family and friends, so
they already know just how insufferably happy we are. And most of
them also know some of the less pleasant events and happenings that
don't find their way into the letter.
The other problem is that I'm a sucker when it comes to flattery.
When it comes time to begin thinking of another letter, and I drag my
feet, Cathy simply reminds me of how many times people tell her that
they look forward to our year end offering. Thank goodness I don't
wear a hat! But you do raise a conundrum. We're damned if we do and
damned if we don't.
When my mother went to work for American Hawaiian Steamship Company
back in the mid 40's, she met a young Jewish woman and they bonded,
becoming lifelong best friends. At mother's memorial, Mary took Cathy
and me aside. "I have never told you," she said, "But your mother
always sent me a copy of your Christmas letter. I do hope you would
consider keeping me in the "family". I told Mary that the reason we'd
not put her on our list, was because we knew they did not celebrate
Christmas. "Oh my," she breathed, "In our home we celebrate the
Spirit of Love".
But as an old rehab teacher and as the brother to a very mentally ill
elder sister, I have learned that I cannot rehabilitate anyone who
does not want to put in the effort. And anything I say could be taken
in so many ways that it would be immobilizing to try to please
everyone. I would wind up like old "Silent Calvin Coolidge", sitting
on the fence with my mug on one side and my wump on the other, holding
both hands over my mouth.
Or, I could simply go about satisfying my own needs, and hoping I did
not do damage to anyone else.
Carl Jarvis
On 7/13/19, Miriam Vieni <miriamvieni@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Did it ever occur to you that this sort of letter might bring envy or
jealousy, rather than cheer? You're describing the kind of life that many
people might wish that they have, but don't. As a matter of fact, Christmas
is a time when many people become extremely depressed. Alcoholics tend to
drink more. There's a reason for that. There are traditionally so many
stories about happy family gatherings and so many people are isolated and
alone. My feeling is that the kindest, most useful, most loving way to reach
out to people is to call them and talk with them or to just send love and
best wishes during the holidays.
Miriam
-----Original Message-----
From: blind-democracy-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx On Behalf Of Carl Jarvis
Sent: Saturday, July 13, 2019 10:50 AM
To: blind-democracy <blind-democracy@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Subject: [blind-democracy] Miriam: here's a sample
Miriam. Probably you are right, but then these sorts of letters are meant
to bring cheer, along with some information. Here's one sample of what I
write. If you want, I have the entire set between 1995 and 2018.
Carl Jarvis(with nothing better to do this Sunny Saturday morning).
Christmas 2016
Really now. This can't be right. Father Time is playing tricks
again. My baby sister Delores, turning 80 on January First, 2017?
Impossible!
But that's getting ahead of things. This year actually started back on
January 1 of 2016. And in early February we set out to lend a helping hand
to Delores, who had just been released from the hospital.
She had undergone knee surgery and contracted MRSA. She had a visiting
nurse administer the daily meds, while we ran errands and provided emotional
support. While there, we checked out the strange “ bump” coming from under
the truck. Seems we'd driven all that distance, some 1,650 miles, with a
tie rod that was ready to break.
Back home, we were in time to join with our good friends Ken and Mary
Hopkins in celebrating their 50TH wedding anniversary, and Ken's 80TH
birthday.
Celebrations can be happy or sad. And yet, Aunt Rose's June 30TH memorial
was both. Sad because we could never again pick up the phone and spend
hours gossiping, but it was also an uplifting time of sharing so many
pleasant memories with her children and old friends.
For our dear friend Edith Kapka, it was a very special year. On June 30,
Edith celebrated her 103RD birthday. It also marked the publishing of her
novel. Edith had a book signing that was so well attended we were only able
to squeeze into the entry of the library building.
Probably the big family event of the year was the July 17 extravaganza
Cathy, Marlene and Michael put on to celebrate their mother Dorothy's 90TH
birthday. Some 45 family and friends gathered at the beautiful Kiana Lodge,
by Agate Pass. Dorothy's sister Lorraine was there, along with a tangle of
noisy children, grand children, great grand children, all wishing her
another 90 years.
In August, Cathy and I took a break from our rehab work and spent a few
happy days in Ellensburg, with Jennifer and Don. Of course Dylan and
Christina took time off from college to stop by and play a few hands of
Liverpool. We spent part of one day wandering the street market. My idea
of a good, relaxing time.
September 16 and 17 were interesting in the fact that we had lunch at
Alderbrook, quite by accident. We had never eaten at Alderbrook.
Shirley Smith was in town from Sedona, Arizona and we agreed to get together
for lunch somewhere sort of between Olympia and Quilcene.
Shirley suggested Alderbrook. Several days later Harry Whiting, the
Vocational Rehab. Counselor for the Olympic Peninsula called and wanted us
to join himself and his wife Page for lunch. They live in Aberdeen. So he
said we could meet halfway, “How about the Alderbrook restaurant on
September 17,” Harry suggested. We agreed and decided we weren't going to
tell Harry and Page we were eating there the day before, but the waitress
remembered us and spilled the beans. It was the first, second and probably
the last time we have dined there.
Woven among these events were the visits back and forth with children and
grand children. James and Amy are looking permanent, making plans for a
future together. Renae has a new job, and Brian was promoted to Detective.
And granddaughter Grace continues to call Grandma Cathy, planning her next
stay, and what they will be cooking together.
Two big Thanksgiving dinners again this year. And again, we dragged our
weary bones to bed saying, “This has to be the last time”. But we said that
last year, too. And as we lay there, we think of all of the laughter and
all of the food, and all of the bustle and chatter.
These are the memories that will still be nestled inside the heads of our
children, grandchildren and great grandchildren long years from now.
Building memories, beautiful memories. What better job could there ever be
for two tired grandparents?
So we wish for each of you, have a grand time building special memories this
coming year.
Carl and Cathy
