<USS Avalon> "Not Now"
- From: Lyryn Cate <wistful_fancy@xxxxxxxxx>
- To: avalon@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Wed, 19 Jan 2005 10:36:56 -0800 (PST)
Not Now
By Senior Lieutenant Elissabeth Marksbury
and Junior Lieutenant James Monroe
"Thought I might find you here," James whispered, coming into Skyler?s room.
Elissabeth had her eyes closed and was startled by the other presence.
"Yeah... usual vigil," she said, touching Skyler?s arm gently.
"You been here all night, every night?"
"No, just a few hours each night."
"Few hours," he snorted. "Liss, you?ve only given us about four hours sleep a
night. Surely you haven?t been only running on an hour sleep a day."
She shook her head. "I?ve become rather adept at sleeping while sitting here. I
just keep waiting... and hoping... but nothing." Lissi looked up at him for a
moment before turning back to her friend.
Her attention was so focused on Skyler that she didn't feel his arm around her
as James rested his head on Lissi's. "You need the rest, Liss. Adept or not,
you just do."
Lissi shook her head.
James didn't give in. Lissi had been the most difficult person to put up with
whenever she ran from her feelings, and James clearly saw that. She avoided his
gaze at times, not surrendering to the tender moments two people could share.
James spoke up but his voice was low, "You're burning yourself at two ends.
One's got to give sooner or later. Just come to bed, Liss, you'll be here
tomorrow anyway."
She despartely wanted to give in, to sink into his embrace, to sleep soundly
with him by her side. But she knew if she did, that every barrier would crumble
and she'd be left a mess. She was running on empty, barely having the strength
to keep up and she couldn't afford to become an emotional disaster. She just
couldn't do it. Not now.
"I can't."
He stepped away from her, angry, but still spoke quietly. "You could if you
wanted to."
"Not now, James."
"It's never 'now' with you, Liss. It's always later, and later won't always be
there, you know."
It struck her then for the first time that the two of them might not make it.
Not as a couple. What had been the advantage - that they both understood each
other?s need for career to come first - could be exactly what tore them apart.
They were both so stubborn and Lissi knew that she wasn?t... as emotional or
affectionate as she could be - not as much as he'd like her to be. And he
didn't understand her need, her drive, to be this involved in things around her.
Something was going to have to change or he wasn't going to put up with her
much longer. The silence between them grew longer and the distance grew wider.
Lissi knew she needed to say something, to explain, but she just couldn't form
the words. Instead, they stood still and quiet until James couldn't take it
anymore. He turned on his heel and left.
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