<USS Avalon> Information Conscience
- From: KovutTajArms@xxxxxxx
- To: avalon@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Wed, 26 Jan 2005 11:36:27 EST
=/\= Information Conscience =/\=
A joint log between El-Kainah Ngiao and Miriam Francher
El walked into the ship's library looking for a copy of some music he liked.
For the first time in weeks he was feeling like he was starting to fit in a
little bit. He was still seeing Dagny but they were not communicating very well
any more. They both knew they were going to be breaking up soon but neither
one wanted to make the final call.
Miriam Francher, Information Services yeoman, was seated at the big library
console, half working (although it was rare that anyone asked for help; most of
them preferred to do their own hunting through the catalog) and half
studying. Who'd've thought she'd be shunted into Starfleet's equivalent of the
work-study program? But here she was. She'd been accepted into Starfleet
Academy, but
then sent here because they needed a linguistics expert. Miri supposed she
was that. But it would still be nice to graduate from the Academy eventually.
El spotted her right off. She was sitting at the counter, reading something
or another. Her crisp new Yeoman's uniform still had that smell they all have.
She was pretty though. He went to the music section a moment. He was looking
at her over the catalog console. Watching her.
Miri knew she was being watched. She peered at the watcher out of the corner
of her eye. It was the new doctor, the young one. She'd seen him in the dining
room and in the lounge, always with at least four girls watching him. Here,
she was the only girl watching him. It was funny how they were watching each
other without acknowledging it. So after a minute or two, she very obviously
set
her PADD aside and looked up at him with a little smile.
Embarrassed at being caught watching her, he blushed when she smiled at him,
and quickly looked back at the console. Its not here, he said to himself. He
frowned a bit at the console. But finally he went back up to the front. She was
still smiling at him when he arrived.
"What are you looking for?" she asked softly, and realized as she did that
whatever language she was speaking, it wasn't Federation Standard. Languages
took her that way, sometimes. It must be his native tongue, she decided as she
blushed.
He looked at her a bit astonished. "I was looking for a particular piece of
music. But I think I am suddenly more curious about how you know how to speak
El'Aurian?" He liked the way she looked. Her chestnut hair as it flowed over
her shoulders framing her face and drawing him into her blue eyes; it was quite
intoxicating. He smiled at her warmly.
"Oh..." Miri answered, a bit flustered and still in the same melodic
language, "I have a knack for languages. I just...speak them," she shrugged.
How lame
that sounded, even though it was perfectly true. She didn't know any other way
to explain her Gift.
"Quite a gift to have. But it is nice. I haven't heard it in a long time." He
looked down again. He was gaining more and more confidence as he spent more
time aboard the ship. "Have I seen you before? In Sickbay maybe?"
Miri nodded. "Could be. I've run several errands there, mostly just bringing
stacks of blank PADDS or such. Medical journals that we download for you here
and organize so you don't have to go through the files yourselves." She
shrugged again, beginning to like the sound of this new language. And although
she
normally disliked being touched by strangers, she offered her hand. "I'm Miriam
Francher."
He could feel her discomfort but didn't want to offend her by not offering
his own hand in return. "El-Kainah Ngaio. A pleasure to meet you, Miriam." He
smiled at her again. "I suppose that must be it."
Watching him react to her, Miri thought it was funny how he seemed to
sense...oh, she realized, and as she touched his hand, her Communication Gift
practically knocked her over. Of course. He was El-Aurian. A full telepath,
probably
even more powerful of a Communicator than she was. The touch of their minds,
though superficial, was very profound, and it was a long moment before she
could take her hand away. "Sorry," she apologized gruffly as they separated.
He looked at her hand as it retreated. "I apologize as well. I didn't mean to
make you uncomfortable." He said. He stood there a moment before asking,
"Could you show me how to operate the catalog console? I was having trouble
navigating the interface."
"You said you were looking for music?" she commented as she stepped over to
the console he'd been using. A faint trill of her own music curled around her
before she could stop it. It was, sometimes unfortunately, as natural to her as
breathing. "What were you trying to find?"
He heard the music playing about her as she stepped over to him. It
fascinated him but he was looking for something else. "Yes, I was looking for a
Bajoran
piece. I think it is used during prayer services. But I can't recall the
name."
Calling up the search function, Miriam went slowly enough for him to follow
what she was doing. "The manual mode is more precise than voice command," she
said. "So you put in Bajoran and traditional, and here you get a list...if
you're pretty sure it's a religious piece, you can put prayer in here, and see,
it's a much shorter list..."
He watched as she showed him how to navigate the interface. "Its still coming
up with quite a few hits, isn't it?" he said. "Is there a way to listen to
parts of them? I know it sounds strange, but I will know the piece when I hear
it even if I am not sure of the title now."
"Sure," she grinned. This was kind of fun...and she was still speaking his
language, her mind settling comfortably into it, developing independent fluency
so that she'd still know it when he wasn't around. "Touch here, and you'll get
the sample buttons...you can connect a set of headphones here, or ask the
computer to send the signal to an earbud if you have one."
He looked at her. He could feel her mind drifting at the edge of his own. She
had to be a telepath of some sort. Was this how she had developed her knack
for languages? he wondered. "Headphones are where, then?"
"Oh...just over here." She was still watching him, and trying not to, and the
drawer slid open before her hand quite got to it. Likewise, the headphones
met her hand halfway. She handed them to him before she realized she should be
guarding more carefully against showing off.
He caught the drawer sliding open and he even thought he saw the headphones
jump into her hand, but he couldn't be sure of what he had seen. He was
watching her just as she was watching him. "Thank you. I must be taking you
away from
your work."
Miri laughed. "This is my work. I was just studying because I was bored with
no work to do. Most people don't ask for help," she said by way of
explanation.
"What were you studying?" He asked curiously. He was just holding the
headphone by the strap in no hurry to put them on. He was enjoying the
conversation
with this girl. She was a welcome change from the arguing he and Dagny had been
doing.
"Right now...microbiology, integrated calculus, and Readings In Diplomacy."
Her voice capitalized the last. "I'm really supposed to be at Starfleet
Academy, but they posted me here because I can do what a universal translator
can't."
She blushed, inexplicably.
"Well, I certainly haven't seen a UT that can help navigate a confusing
catalog interface," he stated in a tone that nearly resembled playful. He
smiled at
her gently. "I have some experience with Microbiology. I can help if you need
it." He looked at her as she blushed. It gave her a lovely glow in the lights
of the library. And inexplicably, he shared that thought with her.
Miri blushed more deeply, and this time her hair started to lift up and swirl
to hide her face. She bit her lip and stopped it, brows knitting as she
forced herself to get a grip on her emotions. This was ridiculous. No one --
male,
female, animal, vegetable, or mineral -- had ever had this effect on her
before. What was it about this young doctor that made her feel like he could
see
right through her? She yanked her mind back to his next-to-last comment. "I
mean, about the UT, that I can pick up nuances and translate implied, rather
than
literal, meanings."
"I am sure that will come in quite handy." He smiled at her again, enjoying
the way her blush had deepened a bit. He could feel her close down somewhat. It
was as if she was stepping back a step or two mentally. There but further
away. He wondered if he had done something to offend her.
The dance of their minds would have been funny, if it wasn't so serious.
~~Sorry,~~ she said silently, a mental hand-reach, a peace-offering.
~~No no... I am sorry. I was too eager. It has been so long since I have been
able to communicate with another telepath. I...~~ His thoughts trailed off.
But after only a brief moment he revoiced them, ~~I should have restrained
myself more. ~~
Again Miri's hair began to swirl, and again she stopped it. And was glad that
no one else was nearby. If she had to show off, at least it was only in front
of one person...and he was a telepath himself. ~~It's as much my doing, ~~
she replied, a little shyly. Music moved between them, audible but soft enough
not to be heard a short distance away.
He heard it again. "How do you do that ?" He asked. "It is lovely really
but... " He paused to consider his words carefully. "It is as unusual as your
being able to speak my language having never heard it before."
It was easier to explain silently. ~~It's my Gift; I'm a Communicator, ~~
Miri said. ~~The music part actually runs in my family, for generations. I
could
make music before I could walk or talk.~~ As she explained, her mind wove a
song that was his alone, that expressed his personality, or at least the parts
of it he had shown to her so far.
He heard the music and was swept away by it. There were parts that were quiet
but there seemed to be great passion underneath. It was ever-present, like a
thumping baseline. He took a sharp breath as it plummeted down and down. How
had she known that? He forced himself to focus and the music seemed to
dissipate. ~~Thank you. I don't think I have ever been given such an intimate
gift as
you just gave me. ~~ He smiled at her again, but the smile had changed. It
was...truer almost.
Her eyes were unfocused, the music still captivating her with its power. It
was audible, but quiet enough that someone a short distance away wouldn't be
distracted by it. "Your name doesn't pronounce correctly in Federation Standard
Amerenglish," she said out of the blue.
"I suppose not." He responded in El'Aurian. "Most names are that way though."
"Oh, I know," said Miriam. "I guess I was just wondering how badly people
mangle your name. Most of them do okay with mine."
El smiled warmly at her. "It is considerate of you to think of that."
She had to blush again. "I thought I was more nosy than considerate," she
admitted. How odd it was to talk with this attractive young doctor. Miri had
spent most of her life hanging out with her cousins and being the quiet one.
Of course, Carmody talked enough for both of them, and Curtis usually argued
with his twin sister, so that Miriam didn't have much chance to get a word in
edgewise. But even when all the cousins, and even all the other kids in the
Group, hung out together, Miri was the silent observer who provided background
music and only gave an opinion when asked for one.
She was very attractive, he thought. Quiet, almost peaceful really. "You
weren't rude at all, Miri. I am glad you said something about it." He looked
back to his console a moment before returning to her. "Are you involved with
anyone?" he seemed to ask from nowhere.
Once again, her hair started to lift from her shoulders to swirl about her
face, and once more she forced it back where it belonged. I really must get
over that expression of embarrassment, she thought. It was too much like
showing
off to Outsiders, even when she wasn't doing it deliberately. "No, I'm not,"
she said aloud. "But you've been seeing that nurse, the blonde one..." She
forbore from giving her opinion of said young woman, who, after all, outranked
her.
He nodded a bit sadly at the mention of Dagny. "Yes," He could tell there
was something more there. "Speak your mind, Miri. You have an opinion, I am
curious to hear it. And I give you my word, she will not hear it from me."
This time, she couldn't stop her hair from swirling up to hide her face as
she blushed deeply. His mixed feelings were apparent, but she thought he kind
of wanted to think well of Dagny, and her opinion was not kind. ~~I
just...think she's kind of selfish, is all. She doesn't have a generous
spirit. ~~ She
got her hair to settle down, but still couldn't look him in the eye.
He nodded. ~~She is young. Younger than you, for sure. ~~ He smiled at her
sadly. "I won't say anything to her. And to be honest, I have been thinking
the same thing lately."
Miriam didn't think the nurse was literally younger than she was -- but it
didn't really matter. She knew what El-Kainah meant, and nodded slowly. And
was very grateful to him for not overreacting to her disobedient hair.
An awkward silence followed. He shifted his weight slightly and accidentally
brushed against her. And when he did he got a strange sensation in his mind.
He sensed something from her. But he couldn't identify it. It was alien
but then they were different races.
Miri's eyes widened as El accidentally touched her. It was the most amazing
feeling, even stronger than when they had shaken hands. Slowly she turned and
held out a hand to him, palm up.
He looked at her hand a moment before taking it. It was amazing indeed when
they touched.
She couldn't help it, her feet came up off the floor a few inches and it was
all she could do to keep from lifting him with her. "Oh, my..." she breathed,
in a reflexive exclamation. But her mind was meshing with his, picking up
far more than just his language now.
He couldn't keep looking at her as the feeling overtook him. He looked down
at his feet, half expecting them to be off the floor. But they weren't. He
could feel her in his mind now. He didn't mind really. It was very intimate.
He was learning about her, too.
It was okay, Miri told herself. He was a telepath, he was discreet...he
wouldn't go blabbing about her. The shock of being a separate person again was
like a splash of cold water in her face. Her feet hit the floor with a thud.
~~I'm sorry, ~~ she said shyly, though it was really too late for shyness or
apologies. ~~I didn't do that on purpose. ~~
~~Do not apologize, Miri. Your secret is safe with me. ~~ He smiled at her
warmly.
"It's not so much a secret..." She was speaking El-Aurian again, but the act
of speaking aloud helped her to ground herself. "It's more like...well, it's
rude to show off. To do things other people can't do, in front of them. You
know?"
"I didn't think you were showing off." He responded. "It was very nice,
actually." He smiled again. "You do seem to be a woman of many talents though."
"It's how my People define showing off," she said quietly, earnestly. "To do
things in front of other people that they can't do themselves. It's forbidden.
But you...you're different, El." She blushed again. "You can do things I
can't do, so I guess we're even."
"Oh?" He asked. He wasn't aware of doing anything that she couldn't. "Like
what?" He asked suddenly very curious about her.
"Well, like move through time... I mean, you could, even though you haven't
learned how yet..." It was one of the things she had seen in his mind.
El-Aurians, apparently, had a racial memory much like her own People. She was
surprised that he didn't seem to have access to it, though.
He looked at her closely. "Yes, I have seen that." He was confused a bit. "I
thought it was just a dream, though."
Miri had the oddest urge to reach up and touch his face, but she restrained
herself. Shaking her head slightly, she said, "You were separated from your own
people at an early age. So it's not surprising that you don't know some of
the things you would have learned from them." Wryly, she gave a moment's
thought
to her cousin Sarah.
He nodded. "Yes, It was difficult for me." He cleared his throat a bit. "But
it was a long time ago."
A curl of melody, gentle and comforting, twirled around him. Miriam smiled.
He was so gentle, so appealing. And so unavailable, she sighed. "You've made a
decent life for yourself, in spite of everything," she agreed.
"I suppose." He nodded. "I guess I think there should be more at times.
Sometimes I still feel so empty. Hollow, you know?"
She nodded; she'd felt it in him. And she had a feeling she knew what was
missing. But it wasn't her place to say so. He'd probably take it wrong if she
did. Still... "Maybe you should ditch the nurse and find someone a little more
kind-spirited," she ventured.
He raised a brow at her a bit. "Dagny is..." he trailed off a bit. He stopped
himself. "You're right. Maybe I should try to find someone like you." He
smiled gently.
"Oh, no..." she protested softly, although her heart pounded so hard she was
sure he could hear it. "Not like me...my roommate, maybe. She's... well, she
wants you badly."
He chuckled at bit. "So did Dagny. That isn't everything."
"Well, Siobhan's very nice...very sweet..." Miriam stammered. It wasn't in
her heart to admit she was falling for him, hard and fast, because she wouldn't
settle for anything less than a permanent relationship. And it seemed obvious
to her that El wasn't ready for that yet.
He smiled at her. "The new Yeoman in Sickbay? That's your roommate?"
She nodded.
"She does seem nice." He agreed. "But I don't think going for someone that is
even younger than Dagny is going to get me what I really want." He smiled.
"Well, she's really 18, not 16," Miriam explained. "Her planet has a longer
year...you have to do the math..."
He laughed again. It shook his beads, he was laughing so hard. "I don't know.
You think we would be a good match?"
"Honestly? Not really." The words popped out before she could censor them.
"But I think you'd have fun together," she added quickly. "You'd enjoy each
other...and without that crawly feeling you get when you think of Dagny."
El frowned; really for the first time since he had entered the library. He
looked at her carefully. "Is it that obvious? How she makes me feel sometimes,
I
mean?"
Now she did reach to touch his cheek with her fingertips, tenderly. The
contact reopened that rush of sharing between them. ~~When we touch like
this... I
can't help knowing, ~~ she told him.
He smiled at her touch. Even if what she told him was difficult to hear. ~~I
wonder if she knows too. I know she knows it bothers me, but...~~ He didn't
finish the thought.
It took all Miriam's self-control to take her hand away. "She's not a
telepath," She said softly. "Not even an empath. She might be aware of
something
outside of her own head if she paid attention, but I don't think she does..."
He chuckled a bit at her directness. "I'm not sure she does, either."
"So if you want to get together with someone who'll appreciate you... Siobhan
really does like you a lot," Miri said, her voice as bright as she could
manage. It would not do at all to tell him that when she touched him, she
didn't
want to stop touching. He wasn't looking for the love of his life, after all,
and she wouldn't settle for anything less. Besides, they'd only just met!
"I don't know," he said in response to her. "It isn't good to get back
involved with someone right after you leave a relationship with someone else."
He
chuckled as a thought came to him. "Rebounding hasn't been my strong suit so
far."
Miri sat down with a sigh. "I don't know," she said thoughtfully. "It's not a
position I've ever been in, or ever hope to be in." Her eyes studied him, and
at the same time her mind danced lightly around the edges of his. She
couldn't help it.
It was a strange dance they were doing in and out of each other's minds. It
was a kind of flirting really, or maybe even something more intimate. "You
don't approve of what I have done with Dagny, do you?"
She shrugged. "It's not my place to approve or disapprove," she said frankly.
"It's not something I would do, but I'm not you." She bit her lip for a
moment, then went on, "It just bothers me that you've stayed in a situation
that
makes you feel hurt. I guess I don't understand why you would choose
that...unless it's just that it's better than being lonely."
He turned away, feeling just a little bit ashamed for the first time in a
long time. "It was, for a while. But..." His voice trailed off, and then he
chuckled quietly. "Are you sure you are not in the wrong department? You should
be
an assistant Counselor, not working in the ship's library."
"I'm a Communicator," Miriam said simply. "I guess I can do a little bit of
what the Sorters do ... but it doesn't really interest me, most of the time."
Her mind showed him what she was talking about. "I'm much more interested in
languages, and music." As if to prove her point, a few phrases of melody played
around them, then stilled.
He smiled at her warmly again. "I like music too. I have been listening to
some late 20th century musical varieties lately. But I felt like that Bajoran
tune would help me decide what I should do with Dagny. It is never easy to end
a
relationship." He frowned again. "And I don't want to hurt her."
He shook his head. "I don't know why I am telling you this. Maybe because you
are listening, really listening to me. I wish..." He stopped himself. "How
can I tell her without hurting her?" he asked finally.
Miri didn't know Dagny very well, but by now she was certainly getting to
know El. "I suppose it depends," she said slowly. "If she knows that she's in
it
only for the physical aspects, it shouldn't be difficult. But if she fancies
she's falling in love with you..." Her heart beat a counterpoint to her words.
"...That could be a problem, couldn't it?"
"I don't think she is falling in love with me." He didn't say the rest, which
was that he hoped she wasn't, at least. But as soon as he had censored
himself from saying it, he knew Miri would have heard it anyway. "It would
definitely cause problems if she was."
He paused a moment. "I have met your roommate actually. We work together some
in Sickbay. It could make seeing her all the more complicated with Dagny down
there too."
She nodded slowly. "On the other hand..." But she fell silent. The other hand
happened to be that she was falling in love with him. She did her best to
keep that thought from him.
He scuffed his boot on the carpet covering the deckplates. "What would you
do?"
"In your place?" Miriam managed to control her hair this time. "Well...you've
got to do something about Dagny, I suppose. Probably the kindest way to put
it to her is that you've had fun but it just isn't working out for you."
He nodded silently. " I guess I knew that much. I have just been avoiding
saying it. It wouldn't be over if I didn't say it. You know?"
Impulsively, she reached for his hand again, and again the contact opened a
channel of pure communication between them. ~~What do you want for yourself,
El? ~~
~~I want to be happy. I want to love and be loved in return. I want to feel
as though I belong again. ~~ It had been so long since he had felt that he
belonged, truly belonged, part of him wondered if he would even recognize the
feeling. He knew all of this was getting through to her but he didn't care at
that
moment. It seemed right.
Her heart ached with him, and her hands tightened on his. ~~Meet me in
Holodeck Two when your shift is over tomorrow morning, ~~ she told him. ~~We
can
talk freely...~~ She glanced around; there were only two other people using the
library center, but anyone could walk in at any time, and she really had spent
too much time away from the desk already. ~~But you have to follow your heart.
It's all that really matters. ~~
He smiled playfully at her. "Are you asking me out, Yeoman?"
"Sure," she replied flippantly, taking his playfulness into herself. "I'll
even bring breakfast." But her heart still pounded, and her mind still danced
with his.
"I thought you wanted me to ask out your roommate? What would Siobhan think
if I went out with you and then asked her out?" He was still being playful with
her.
"If you were really going out with me, you wouldn't ask her out afterward,"
Miriam whispered. She didn't know why she said it, except that she couldn't
stop herself. "I don't do short-term relationships."
He smiled at her. "Does that mean you don't want me to ask her out any more?"
She had risen to her feet when she took his hand; she turned away slightly,
blushing. "I want you to do what is right for you," she said. "If you want
someone to have that kind of fun with...then, yes, you should ask her out. But
that wouldn't stop us from still being friends."
"You don't think Siobhan and I could be happy together in the long run?" he
asked her. "She seemed very nice when we met in Sickbay last week."
"I don't know." Was he teasing her? His mind was suddenly opaque to her. "She
is very nice. A little perky, but there's nothing wrong with that..."
He chuckled at her a moment. "Sorry, I shouldn't laugh." He looked down. "I'd
like to have breakfast with you tomorrow morning."
"Then, I'll see you then," she said softly in his own language, and touched
his face with her fingertips before turning to go back to the desk. And didn't
even notice that her feet weren't touching the floor.
He smiled a moment and went about finding the music he wanted, finally. It
had been a good conversation, though. It had helped him. He want by the desk
with the music on his way out. "Thank you for all your help." He smiled at her
again. "I'll see you in the morning."
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