[adeel420] Re: who's on first?
- From: "Stefen Hudson" <1jarjarbinks@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: <adeel420@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Thu, 24 Oct 2002 19:06:22 -0500
LOL!!! i've heard that one done before...it was a skitt...hahaha, now I have
the ttext! Wahoo!
May the Force be with you.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Sean Randall" <Shwatscoff@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
To: <adeel420@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Sent: Thursday, October 24, 2002 12:41 PM
Subject: [adeel420] who's on first?
> Who's On First?
> Sketch by Bud Abbott and Lou Costello:
>
> Costello: Hey Abbott.
>
> abbott: What do ya want Costello?
>
> Costello: Look Abbott. I understand that you're going to be the manager
of
> the Lou Costello Junior Youth Foundation baseball team.
>
> abbott: Yes. We just organized the thing.
>
> Costello: Oh you did?
>
> abbott: Sure!
>
> Costello: Well I'd like to play on the team myself, you know, I know
something
> about baseball.
>
> abbott: Well that can be accomplished.
>
> Costello: Well I'd like to know some of the guys names on the team, so
that
> when I meet them on the street or in the ball park, I'll be
able to
> say hello to them.
>
> abbott: Well surely I'll introduce you to the boys. But, you know
strange
> as it may seem, they give these ballplayers, nowadays, very
> peculiar names.
>
> Costello: You mean funny names?
>
> abbott: Nicknames. Pet names. Like Dizzy Dean.
>
> Costello: Brother Daffy.
>
> abbott: Daffy Dean.
>
> Costello: I'm their french cousin.
>
> abbott: French cousin?
>
> Costello: Goofe'.
>
> abbott: Take me out to the Ball game, Take me out to
> the crowd. Buy me some peanuts and...
> Costello: Peanuts! Popcorn! Get your Popper Jacks Here! Peanuts!
>
> abbott: Sebastian! Sebastian, get over here. Pardon him folks.
> What do you think your doing?
>
> Costello: I wanted the people to feel like they were in the ball
> park, because
>
> Costello: I love baseball. When we get to Saint Louis, will you tell
> me the guys' name on the team so when I go to see them in
> that Saint Louis ball park I'll be able to know those
> fellows?
>
> abbott: All right. but you know, strange as it may seems, they
> give ball players nowadays very peculiar names, nick names,
> like "Dizzy Dean."
>
> Costello: Not as peculiar as mine.... Sebastian Dimwitty
>
> abbott: Oh Yes.
>
> Costello: They got names funnier than mine? WOOOOOOOooo
>
>
> abbott: Oh Absolutely.
>
> abbott: Now on the Saint Louis team we have Who's on first,
> What's on second, I Don't Know is on third
>
> Costello: That's what I want to find out. I want you to tell me the
> names of the fellows on the Saint Louis team.
>
> abbott: I'm telling you. Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't
> Know is on third
>
> Costello: You know the fellows' names?
>
> abbott: Yes.
>
> Costello: Well, then who's playin' first
>
> abbott: Yes
>
> Costello: I mean the fellow's name on first base.
>
> abbott: Who.
>
> Costello: The fellow playin' first base for Saint Louis.
>
> abbott: Who.
>
> Costello: The guy on first base.
>
> abbott: Who is on first
>
> Costello: Well, what are you askin' me for?
>
> abbott: I'm not asking you I'm telling you. WHO IS ON First
>
> Costello: I'm asking you who's on first?
>
> abbott: That's the man's name!
>
> Costello: That's who's name?
>
> abbott: Yes.
>
> Costello: Well, go ahead and tell me.
>
> abbott: Who.
>
> Costello: The guy on firSt
>
> abbott: Who.
>
> Costello: The first baseman.
>
> abbott: Who is on first
>
> Costello: Have you got a first baseman on first?
>
> abbott: Certainly.
>
> Costello: Then who's playing first?
>
> abbott: Absolutely.
>
> Costello: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who
> gets the money?
>
> abbott: Every dollar of it. And why not, the man's entitled to it.
>
> Costello: Who is?
>
> abbott: Yes.
>
> Costello: So who gets it?
>
> abbott: Why shouldn't he? Sometimes his wife comes down and
> collects it.
>
> Costello: Who's wife?
>
> abbott: Yes. After all the man earns it.
>
> Costello: Who does?
>
> abbott: Absolutely.
>
> Costello: Well all I'm trying to find out is what's the guys name on
> first base.
>
> abbott: Oh, no, no, What is on second base.
>
> Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.
>
> abbott: Who's on first
>
> Costello: That's what I'm trying to find out.
>
> abbott: Well, don't change the players around.
>
> Costello: I'm not changing nobody.
>
> abbott: Now, take it easy.
>
> Costello: What's the guy's name on first base?
>
> abbott: What's the guy's name on second base.
>
> Costello: I'm not asking whos on second.
>
> abbott: Who's on first
>
> Costello: I don't know.
>
> abbott: He's on third. We're not talking about him.
>
> Costello: How could I get on third base?
>
> abbott: You mentioned his name.
>
> Costello: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is
> playing third?
>
> abbott: No, Who's playing first
>
> Costello: Stay offa first, will ya?
>
> abbott: Well what do you want me to do?
>
> Costello: Now what's the guy's name on first base?
>
> abbott: What's on second.
>
> Costello: I'm not asking ya who's on second.
>
> abbott: Who's on first
>
> Costello: I don't know.
>
> abbott: He's on third.
>
> Costello: There I go back on third again.
>
> abbott: Well, I can't change their names.
>
> Costello: Say, will you please stay on third base.
>
> abbott: Please. Now what is it you want to know.
>
> Costello: What is the fellow's name on third base.
>
> abbott: What is the fellow's name on second base.
>
> Costello: I'm not askin' ya who's on second.
>
> abbott: Who's on first
>
> Costello: I don't know.
>
> abbott: THIRD BASE!
>
> Costello: You got an outfield?
>
> abbott: Oh, sure.
>
> Costello: Saint Louis has got a good outfield?
>
> abbott: Oh, absolutely.
>
> Costello: The left fielder's name?
>
> abbott: Why.
>
> Costello: I don't know, I just thought I'd ask.
>
> abbott: Well, I just thought I'd tell you.
>
> Costello: Then tell me who's playing left field.
>
> abbott: Who's playing first
>
> Costello: Stay out of the infield!
>
> abbott: Don't mention any names out here.
>
> Costello: I want to know what's the fellow's name on left field?
>
> abbott: What is on second.
>
> Costello: I'm not askin' ya who's on second.
>
> abbott: Who is on first
>
> Costello: I don't know.
>
> abbott: Third base.
>
> Costello: And the left fielder's name?
>
> abbott: Why.
>
> Costello: Because.
>
> abbott: Oh he's Center Field.
>
> Costello: Center field.
>
> abbott: Yes.
>
> Costello: Wait a minute. You got a pitcher on this team.
>
> abbott: Wouldn't this be a fine team without a pitcher.
>
> Costello: I don't know. Tell me the pitcher's name.
>
> abbott: Tomorrow.
>
> Costello: You don't want to tell me today?
>
> abbott: I'm telling you, man.
>
> Costello: Then go ahead.
>
> abbott: Tomorrow.
>
> Costello: What time?
>
> abbott: What time what?
>
> Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching?
>
> abbott: Now listen, Who is not pitching. Who is on
>
> Costello: I'LL BREAK YOU ARM IF YOU SAY "WHO'S ON FIRST!"
>
> abbott: Then why come up here and ask?
>
> Costello: I want to know what's the pitcher's name.
>
> abbott: What's on second.
>
> Costello: I don't know.
>
> abbott: THIRD BASE!!
>
> Costello: You gotta Catcher?
>
> abbott: Yes.
>
> Costello: The Catcher's name?
>
> abbott: Today.
>
> Costello: Today. And Tomorrow's pitching.
>
> abbott: Now you've got it.
>
> Costello: That's all. Saint Louis has a couple of days on their team.
>
> abbott: Well I can't help that.
>
> Costello: You know I'm a good catcher too.
>
> abbott: I know that.
>
> Costello: I would like to play for the Saint Louis team.
>
> abbott: Well I might arrange that.
>
> Costello: I would like to catch. Now I'm being a good Catcher,
> tomorrow's pitching on the team, and I'm catching.
>
> abbott: Yes.
>
> Costello: Tomorrow throws the ball and the guy up bunts the ball.
>
> abbott: Yes.
>
> Costello: Now when he bunts the ball me being a good catcher I
> want to throw the guy out a first base, so I pick up the
> ball and throw it to who?
>
> abbott: Now that's the first thing you've said right.
>
> Costello: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!!!!!
>
> abbott: Well, that's all you have to do.
>
> Costello: is to throw it to first base.
>
> abbott: Yes.
>
> Costello: Now who's got it?
>
> abbott: Naturally.
>
> Costello: Who has it?
>
> abbott: Naturally.
>
> Costello: Naturally.
>
> abbott: Naturally.
>
> Costello: O.K.
>
> abbott: Now you've got it.
>
> Costello: I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.
>
> abbott: No you don't you throw the ball to first base.
>
> Costello: Then who gets it?
>
> abbott: Naturally.
>
> Costello: O.K.
>
> abbott: All right.
>
> Costello: I throw the ball to Naturally.
>
> abbott: You don't you throw it to Who.
>
> Costello: Naturally.
>
> abbott: Well, naturally. Say it that way.
>
> Costello: That's what I said.
>
> abbott: You did not.
>
> Costello: I said I'd throw the ball to Naturally.
>
> abbott: You don't. You throw it to Who.
>
> Costello: Naturally.
>
> abbott: Yes.
>
> Costello: So I throw the ball to first base and Naturally gets it.
>
> abbott: No. You throw the ball to first base
>
> Costello: Then who gets it?
>
> abbott: Naturally.
>
> Costello: That's what I'm saying.
>
> abbott: You're not saying that.
>
> Costello: I throw the ball to Naturally.
>
> abbott: You throw it to Who!
>
> Costello: Naturally.
>
> abbott: Naturally. Well say it that way.
>
> Costello: THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!
>
> abbott: Now don't get excited.
>
> Costello: Who's gettin' excited!! I throw the ball to first base
>
> abbott: Then Who gets it.
>
> Costello: HE BETTER GET IT!
>
> abbott: That's it. All right now. Take it easy.
>
> Costello: Hummmmph!
>
> abbott: Hummmmph!
>
> Costello: Now I throw the ball to first base, whoever it is grabs
> the ball, so the guy runs to second.
>
> abbott: Uh huh.
>
> Costello: Who picks up the ball and throws it to what. What throws
> it to I don't know. I don't know throws it back to
> tomorrow a triple play.
>
> abbott: Yeah. It could be.
>
> Costello: Another guy gets up and it's a long fly ball to center.
> Why? I don't know, he's on third, and I don't give a
> damn.
>
> abbott: What did you say.
>
> Costello: I said "I don't give a damn."
>
> abbott: Oh, that's our shortstop!
>
>
> ----the
> end
>
>
>
>
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