[adeel420] who's on first?
- From: "Sean Randall" <Shwatscoff@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: <adeel420@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Thu, 24 Oct 2002 18:41:18 +0100
Who's On First?
Sketch by Bud Abbott and Lou Costello:
Costello: Hey Abbott.
abbott: What do ya want Costello?
Costello: Look Abbott. I understand that you're going to be the manager of
the Lou Costello Junior Youth Foundation baseball team.
abbott: Yes. We just organized the thing.
Costello: Oh you did?
abbott: Sure!
Costello: Well I'd like to play on the team myself, you know, I know something
about baseball.
abbott: Well that can be accomplished.
Costello: Well I'd like to know some of the guys names on the team, so that
when I meet them on the street or in the ball park, I'll be able to
say hello to them.
abbott: Well surely I'll introduce you to the boys. But, you know strange
as it may seem, they give these ballplayers, nowadays, very
peculiar names.
Costello: You mean funny names?
abbott: Nicknames. Pet names. Like Dizzy Dean.
Costello: Brother Daffy.
abbott: Daffy Dean.
Costello: I'm their french cousin.
abbott: French cousin?
Costello: Goofe'.
abbott: Take me out to the Ball game, Take me out to
the crowd. Buy me some peanuts and...
Costello: Peanuts! Popcorn! Get your Popper Jacks Here! Peanuts!
abbott: Sebastian! Sebastian, get over here. Pardon him folks.
What do you think your doing?
Costello: I wanted the people to feel like they were in the ball
park, because
Costello: I love baseball. When we get to Saint Louis, will you tell
me the guys' name on the team so when I go to see them in
that Saint Louis ball park I'll be able to know those
fellows?
abbott: All right. but you know, strange as it may seems, they
give ball players nowadays very peculiar names, nick names,
like "Dizzy Dean."
Costello: Not as peculiar as mine.... Sebastian Dimwitty
abbott: Oh Yes.
Costello: They got names funnier than mine? WOOOOOOOooo
abbott: Oh Absolutely.
abbott: Now on the Saint Louis team we have Who's on first,
What's on second, I Don't Know is on third
Costello: That's what I want to find out. I want you to tell me the
names of the fellows on the Saint Louis team.
abbott: I'm telling you. Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't
Know is on third
Costello: You know the fellows' names?
abbott: Yes.
Costello: Well, then who's playin' first
abbott: Yes
Costello: I mean the fellow's name on first base.
abbott: Who.
Costello: The fellow playin' first base for Saint Louis.
abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy on first base.
abbott: Who is on first
Costello: Well, what are you askin' me for?
abbott: I'm not asking you I'm telling you. WHO IS ON First
Costello: I'm asking you who's on first?
abbott: That's the man's name!
Costello: That's who's name?
abbott: Yes.
Costello: Well, go ahead and tell me.
abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy on firSt
abbott: Who.
Costello: The first baseman.
abbott: Who is on first
Costello: Have you got a first baseman on first?
abbott: Certainly.
Costello: Then who's playing first?
abbott: Absolutely.
Costello: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who
gets the money?
abbott: Every dollar of it. And why not, the man's entitled to it.
Costello: Who is?
abbott: Yes.
Costello: So who gets it?
abbott: Why shouldn't he? Sometimes his wife comes down and
collects it.
Costello: Who's wife?
abbott: Yes. After all the man earns it.
Costello: Who does?
abbott: Absolutely.
Costello: Well all I'm trying to find out is what's the guys name on
first base.
abbott: Oh, no, no, What is on second base.
Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.
abbott: Who's on first
Costello: That's what I'm trying to find out.
abbott: Well, don't change the players around.
Costello: I'm not changing nobody.
abbott: Now, take it easy.
Costello: What's the guy's name on first base?
abbott: What's the guy's name on second base.
Costello: I'm not asking whos on second.
abbott: Who's on first
Costello: I don't know.
abbott: He's on third. We're not talking about him.
Costello: How could I get on third base?
abbott: You mentioned his name.
Costello: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is
playing third?
abbott: No, Who's playing first
Costello: Stay offa first, will ya?
abbott: Well what do you want me to do?
Costello: Now what's the guy's name on first base?
abbott: What's on second.
Costello: I'm not asking ya who's on second.
abbott: Who's on first
Costello: I don't know.
abbott: He's on third.
Costello: There I go back on third again.
abbott: Well, I can't change their names.
Costello: Say, will you please stay on third base.
abbott: Please. Now what is it you want to know.
Costello: What is the fellow's name on third base.
abbott: What is the fellow's name on second base.
Costello: I'm not askin' ya who's on second.
abbott: Who's on first
Costello: I don't know.
abbott: THIRD BASE!
Costello: You got an outfield?
abbott: Oh, sure.
Costello: Saint Louis has got a good outfield?
abbott: Oh, absolutely.
Costello: The left fielder's name?
abbott: Why.
Costello: I don't know, I just thought I'd ask.
abbott: Well, I just thought I'd tell you.
Costello: Then tell me who's playing left field.
abbott: Who's playing first
Costello: Stay out of the infield!
abbott: Don't mention any names out here.
Costello: I want to know what's the fellow's name on left field?
abbott: What is on second.
Costello: I'm not askin' ya who's on second.
abbott: Who is on first
Costello: I don't know.
abbott: Third base.
Costello: And the left fielder's name?
abbott: Why.
Costello: Because.
abbott: Oh he's Center Field.
Costello: Center field.
abbott: Yes.
Costello: Wait a minute. You got a pitcher on this team.
abbott: Wouldn't this be a fine team without a pitcher.
Costello: I don't know. Tell me the pitcher's name.
abbott: Tomorrow.
Costello: You don't want to tell me today?
abbott: I'm telling you, man.
Costello: Then go ahead.
abbott: Tomorrow.
Costello: What time?
abbott: What time what?
Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching?
abbott: Now listen, Who is not pitching. Who is on
Costello: I'LL BREAK YOU ARM IF YOU SAY "WHO'S ON FIRST!"
abbott: Then why come up here and ask?
Costello: I want to know what's the pitcher's name.
abbott: What's on second.
Costello: I don't know.
abbott: THIRD BASE!!
Costello: You gotta Catcher?
abbott: Yes.
Costello: The Catcher's name?
abbott: Today.
Costello: Today. And Tomorrow's pitching.
abbott: Now you've got it.
Costello: That's all. Saint Louis has a couple of days on their team.
abbott: Well I can't help that.
Costello: You know I'm a good catcher too.
abbott: I know that.
Costello: I would like to play for the Saint Louis team.
abbott: Well I might arrange that.
Costello: I would like to catch. Now I'm being a good Catcher,
tomorrow's pitching on the team, and I'm catching.
abbott: Yes.
Costello: Tomorrow throws the ball and the guy up bunts the ball.
abbott: Yes.
Costello: Now when he bunts the ball me being a good catcher I
want to throw the guy out a first base, so I pick up the
ball and throw it to who?
abbott: Now that's the first thing you've said right.
Costello: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!!!!!
abbott: Well, that's all you have to do.
Costello: is to throw it to first base.
abbott: Yes.
Costello: Now who's got it?
abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Who has it?
abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Naturally.
abbott: Naturally.
Costello: O.K.
abbott: Now you've got it.
Costello: I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.
abbott: No you don't you throw the ball to first base.
Costello: Then who gets it?
abbott: Naturally.
Costello: O.K.
abbott: All right.
Costello: I throw the ball to Naturally.
abbott: You don't you throw it to Who.
Costello: Naturally.
abbott: Well, naturally. Say it that way.
Costello: That's what I said.
abbott: You did not.
Costello: I said I'd throw the ball to Naturally.
abbott: You don't. You throw it to Who.
Costello: Naturally.
abbott: Yes.
Costello: So I throw the ball to first base and Naturally gets it.
abbott: No. You throw the ball to first base
Costello: Then who gets it?
abbott: Naturally.
Costello: That's what I'm saying.
abbott: You're not saying that.
Costello: I throw the ball to Naturally.
abbott: You throw it to Who!
Costello: Naturally.
abbott: Naturally. Well say it that way.
Costello: THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!
abbott: Now don't get excited.
Costello: Who's gettin' excited!! I throw the ball to first base
abbott: Then Who gets it.
Costello: HE BETTER GET IT!
abbott: That's it. All right now. Take it easy.
Costello: Hummmmph!
abbott: Hummmmph!
Costello: Now I throw the ball to first base, whoever it is grabs
the ball, so the guy runs to second.
abbott: Uh huh.
Costello: Who picks up the ball and throws it to what. What throws
it to I don't know. I don't know throws it back to
tomorrow a triple play.
abbott: Yeah. It could be.
Costello: Another guy gets up and it's a long fly ball to center.
Why? I don't know, he's on third, and I don't give a
damn.
abbott: What did you say.
Costello: I said "I don't give a damn."
abbott: Oh, that's our shortstop!
----the
end
Other related posts:
