Jonathan Blake wrote:
On Mon, Oct 13, 2008 at 8:52 AM, Simon Osborne <outspaced@xxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:-> "By chance, you stumble on to a track that..." -> "You take the Grey Crystal Ring from the display case and slip it on to the index finger..." -> "...casting a phosphorescent light on to the domed ceiling." -> "...the Ogian army thunders on to the plateau that surrounds the burning town of Syada." -> "...you slip from the saddle and crash on to the highway." -> "...he lifts you carefully back on to your horse."All of these should be "onto".
Fixed!
(er) 13: If you win the combat in four rounds or less, turn to 79. If combat lasts five rounds or longer, turn to 158 -> If you win the first combat in four rounds or less, turn to 79. If the first combat lasts five rounds or longer, turn to 158 [jc: Maybe this is a solution to make this section more doable for players starting from this book. It also make sense, that if LW fights with first Vordak more than 4 turns, the second Vordak could have time to damage the ship's pressure tank]While this may make the book more within reach for beginners, I am loath to change it directly. I am much more comfortable with a suggestion in the footnote.
Added the following paragraph to the existing footnote: One potential solution to make this section more possible for newer players, or those with lower scores, would be to interpret the first option as: 'If you beat the first Vordak in four rounds or less, turn to 79.' In this case, the player would still need to survive five full rounds of combat, but as long as the first Vordak is defeated within four rounds, the second Vordak will not be able to damage the ship's pressure tank.
Is this OK? Any comments on whether it could be worded better?
(er) 24: It is impossible to continue along the track eastwards -> It is impossible to continue northwest along the track [LM: according to the map, Syada lies to the northwest of Tharro (Jan 2007)]Twisting tracks notwithstanding, perhaps "It is impossible to continue along the track northwards" is truer to the original.
Yeah, that's a bit less intrusive as a change. Fixed!
(er) 25: each...are vibrating -> each...is vibrating [LeRoy McSwain, Jan 2007] -> "...each of the black crystal cubes are vibrating, and...""Each is"
Fixed!
(er) 58: eastern Danarg -> western Danarg [LM: Unless of course the sun sets in the east on Magnamund (Jan 2007)] [SO: Not sure about this one. It seems to be saying that Lone Wolf is in the regions of the eastern Danarg. It is a little confusing, though.] -> "...reaching the top just as the sun is sinking into a sea of scarlet mist that shrouds the eastern Danarg..."This makes sense as-is.
Agreed. Rejected!
(ft) 60: If you possess the Sommerswerd [jfs: Turn to this number if you possess a magical weapon such as the Magic Spear, the Dagger of Vashna, or the Jewelled Mace. But do not apply the bonuses related to the Sommerswerd detailed in that section. Note: For consistency with "The Captives of Kaag", in which, you can combat a Helghast with the Jewelled Mace or the Dagger of Vashna (section 12 -> 330).]Sounds good. Have we decided if there were any other magical weapons. Bronin Warhammer? ;)
Gah! I knew there was another one! Reworded the footnote(s) slightly to take the Bronin Warhammer into consideration.
(er) 65: agree a plan -> agree upon a plan [LeRoy McSwain, Jan 2007] -> "Quietly you agree a plan of action."While several of you have said that if makes sense to you as it stands, I've never heard it put this way. Are we speaking the same language?
I have to agree with Jon. Fixed! ;-)
(ft) 74: [Jan Charvát: Maybe you may use the CS bonus from Silver Helm there, as it would be "magical effect" rather than physical. Maybe also there can be used Grey Crystal Ring (with +3 CS - compared to the book 11) Also, it is uncertain, why LW have to reduce his CS to 15, rather than to his basic CS] -> "For this psychic combat reduce your current COMBAT SKILL score to 15...[y]ou are unable to make use of any Special Items, weapons, or Backpack Items."This is too speculative for my taste.
Rejected!
(er) 89, 280, 299: a-piece -> apiece -> "The fare's 40 Lune a-piece..." -> "One item a-piece and you can continue on your way..." -> "The fare's 40 Lune a-piece...""apiece"(er) 242: If you possess any of these Special Items and wish to swap it -> eliminate the final 'it' because the antecedent 'any' does not necessarily refer to a single Item [LeRoy McSwain, Jan 2007]I like Simon's suggestion of "swap one of them".
Fixed!Excellent! Several contributors commented on the proposals, and we reached some good conclusions. This hopefully bodes well for the future. :-)
Watch for my next pestering post soon. :-) -- Simon Osborne Project Aon Pesterer ~~~~~~ Manage your subscription at //www.freelists.org/list/projectaon