[lit-ideas] Re: Sunday Story, Aaargh, Fixed
- From: David Ritchie <ritchierd@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Sun, 3 Apr 2011 12:39:05 -0700
On Apr 3, 2011, at 12:32 PM, David Ritchie wrote:
>
>
> With their well-trained gazes and techniques, it in the lives of others that
> scholars usually discover madness and superstition.
>
> At the burrito stand close by work, those who wait in line are invited to
> shake up a tube of Chinese fortune sticks. The notion is that if one stick
> sticks out more than others, that's what lolly stick wood gods (or whatever)
> have in store for you. Several weeks back, the lady who spoons guacamole and
> beans and rice (chicken for the heathens) invited me to try. Not wanting to
> appear rude, I did. "Something bad is about to come your way," was what I
> pulled. "No problem," I quipped, "it's already happened; our furnace broke
> this morning. I'll get someone to fix it." She offered me sweet chilli.
>
> Weeks later, in time for Spring's warmth, and April fools, we now have heat.
> I imagined we were safely beyond that particular stick's reach. A colleague
> at work recommended a dessert beer. I have taken all kinds of flak from
> friends for suggesting that there is such a thing as dessert beer. What I'm
> talking about are dark Belgian beers, old and approaching the alcoholic
> content of wines. You have a sip or two at the end of a meal and it's like
> port: a smooth, short, final swig. My colleague's recommendation, however,
> was quite different, a large bottle of stout which when opened revealed a
> nose and flavor tones of creme caramel. The first few sniffs and tastes were
> truly extraordinary. How can this be? And then the flavors registered;
> about as tasty as instant eggs on a polystyrene plate. Promise turned to
> horror.
>
> For reasons too complicated to explain, this week we thought we might move
> the our antique hot tub--twenty five years old and still running--about six
> feet to the south. Absent my mighty friend who chucks telephone poles about
> and stones and all that his Mormonism allows, while wearing a kilt... absent
> his help, Gardening Guy and I felt we didn't have a quorum for the full task.
> So we did a trial lift, aimed at discovering how the tub was constructed,
> and how it would consequently need to be supported in its new location.
> Concluding that it was a little on the heavy side, we let it down. My big
> toe was a slow to retreat. Thanks to a good, thick, Wellie and a sufficiency
> of instinct... not even a bruised toenail.
>
> "Ha!" I cried, to that old god of sticks, "See!"
>
> Hubris. We discovered that a rat had decided in the cold of winter to move
> into the tub's heating compartment. Much bleach and hosing, but then I was
> sure we'd finally moved beyond the lolly god (or gods') reach.
>
> Gardening Guy bonked his head on a beam. Bled like someone who takes aspirin
> to prevent strokes. (This is He who lifts two hundred pound rocks all day
> long and then goes off to play soccer.)
>
> Ice, water, and a sticking plaster fixed this. I gave up all responses,
> silent or otherwise, to superstition. Got on with the job.
>
> Notify the Chinese, Hadrian, all future archeologists: our stone wall is
> close to done.
>
> Yeah verily, it is an good wall. Strange, perhaps, in that it has grown
> somewhat organically rather than according to sound plan, but it is beautiful
> and very strong. I confidently assert that if any enemy, armed with ancient
> cannon and the like, tries to sneak up the valley below, approaching from the
> south west with the sun at their backs... we'll be ready.
>
> Or we will once I've primed the Duck Punt gun.
>
> David Ritchie,
> Portland,
> Oregon------------------------------------------------------------------
> To change your Lit-Ideas settings (subscribe/unsub, vacation on/off,
> digest on/off), visit www.andreas.com/faq-lit-ideas.html
------------------------------------------------------------------
To change your Lit-Ideas settings (subscribe/unsub, vacation on/off,
digest on/off), visit www.andreas.com/faq-lit-ideas.html
Other related posts:
- » [lit-ideas] Re: Sunday Story, Aaargh, Fixed - David Ritchie
