[lit-ideas] Re: On Nip Thievery
- From: wokshevs@xxxxxx
- To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx, David Ritchie <ritchierd@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Wed, 4 Jun 2008 17:40:16 -0230
In light of recent missives received, I find a number of inextinguishable
questions rolling through my holidaying mind:
1. Do Californians have belly buttons? If so, why do they age differently?
Lawrence insists on this claim.
2. Does David R truly realize the possible magnitude of his loss? (In truth,
Watson, I submit that the details of the case provided us by Sir David Ritchie
are highly suspect and beyond credibility. It may well be the case that his
bizarre account finds its true origins in the supposedly "inexplicable"
evaporation of half the bottle's contents prior to its total disappearance.)
Last year, while strolling through the aisles of *Whiskeys of the World*,
Heathrow airport, I came across a 50 year old bottle of Glenfiddich (750 ml).
Purchase price? Go ahead. Don't look below - guess how much to take it home
with you.
A paltry 5,000 pounds sterling. (Yes, Ursula, this "stuff" - as you so
irreverently and innocently call it - does climb to 3 zeros. It's not referred
to as the "eighth wonder of the world" for nothing, sweetheart.)
3. Mike poignantly asks (yes, you're quite right, I have no idea what that word
really means): Where have all those flowers gone, if this is really the Hotel
California? Well, all I claimed was that no list member who had sojourned
(languished?) on this list for a spell or two could ever subsequently escape
the space of reasons. One may inhabit such a space outside the zone of this
list, however incredible that may seem.
4. What does Phil E's "mud hut" really look like out there in the jungles of
Borneo? A description of interior furnishings and maid service would also be
appreciated. (I doubt that Phil wears a grass skirt to class. At home, perhaps
...)
5. And, finally, a note of gratitude for Andrena:
I am, once again, pleased and honoured to accept the accolade of being
designated "our foremost representative of the most human of human activities."
Spasiba tovarish. It is always deeply satisying to have one's attainments and
accomplishments recognized.
I have trained at many schools - Paris, Heidelberg, London,
Edinburgh, to name just a few - and have studied for many years under the
finest teachers in the discipline. Of course, there is much about single malt
scotch I still do not know. But I shall do my utmost to continue to contribute
to this discipline so long as my mind (and liver) permit me to do so.
Detroit, 6-2 tonight. Penguins have nothing left after the miracle.
Holidaying in the warm sun on the Avalon, and having lobster for supper once
again,
Walter O.
Quoting David Ritchie <ritchierd@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>:
> I am so angry I want to write this down so that the world had a
> record of how anger goes. When my mother died, my brother, my sister
> and I cleaned out my father's house. Among the loot were three
> bottles of whisky that had been in my father's attic for thirty
> years. My father no longer drinks spirits, so we each got a
> bottle. I carried mine half way round the world to Oregon and let
> friends taste whisky that had begun life in the nineteen sixties.
>
> I stashed the bottle. Which is not to say that I hid it well, or
> locked it up in a safe. I just put it out of the way and visited it
> from time to time. When last seen, more than half a bottle of the
> stuff was waiting for the right moments.
>
> This evening I thought, "I haven't had a taste of that in a long,
> long while. Why not, now? Life is to be seized. Perhaps before a
> colonoscopy, the right answer is a drop of ancient whisky?"
>
> I went, I looked, the bottle is gone. No one in my family drinks
> whisky. So may he or she who stole it find much happiness in the
> deed. Bastard.
>
> Meanwhile I'll agree that Walter and all the others who say ice is a
> mistake do have a point. The dram with which I diluted the urge to
> go and disembowel all thieves tasted very well with just a dribble of
> water in it. But if the thief would just reveal him or herself,
> stand right out there on the lawn, I'd run him or her
> through...choice of sword, rusty or no, up to the victim.
>
> David Ritchie,
> Portland, Oregon
>
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