[lit-ideas] Re: Back to parenting and politics

On 2005/03/01, at 2:54, Eternitytime1@xxxxxxx wrote:

> What about consequences for decisions?  If you had a good reason for  
> it (or
> even 'just' a reason...)   What about when those decisions are  
> selfish or
> mean?  (but I did/didn't do it because...)


There were consequences, up to an occasional spanking when she was 
small, when the parents agreed that behavior was bad, i.e. sneaky or 
malicious. The last serious incident I recall was circa junior high 
school, when we stumbled (accidentally, we didn't pry) on concealed 
cigarettes. That got her grounded for a month.

On the other hand, when I was called from the station one night by two 
high school friends who had got her there sick drunk and as green and 
gray as I have ever seen her (the result, I later learned, of going too 
far in experimenting with a bottle of whiskey), I just walked her home 
and said, "I'll bet that you will not be doing this again soon." She 
remains to this day a moderate drinker, confirming a familiar 
pattern--pushing the limits to find out where they are, then staying 
within them.

We weren't, by any means, perfect parents (I wonder if any such exist). 
I have an explosive temper, inherited from my dad and can remember 
being pretty scary (for me, too) more times than I like. (Parenting, in 
a situation with unsettled roles tested my limits as well as my wife 
and daughter's.)

  On the whole, however, the kid was surrounded 99.9% of the time with 
unconditional love. If she did something stupid, she lived with the 
consequences unless there was threat of serious injury or death. (When, 
a junior in high school, she talked her parents into letting her buy a 
motorcycle--a 50 cc motorbike,actually--to ride to school on, her 
parents insisted on giving her the best available helmet we could 
find.)

The delightful thing is that she's now approaching 29 while her dad 
approaches 61 (our birthdays are three days apart, in August) and we 
are, what I never was with my parents, very good friends, who share 
stories (some incredibly raunchy), recipes, a love of fine food and 
wine, even the same politics. Pretty good all around.

John McCreery






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