[guide.chat] Fw: Smart Arse Answers!!
- From: "Judith Appleton" <judith.appleton@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: <guide.chat@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Tue, 6 Jul 2010 20:05:40 +0100
----- Original Message -----
Subject: Fw: Smart Arse Answers!!
The last one is a worthy winner.
6th Place
It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways
plane:
'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked the
man seated in the front row.
'What are my choices?' he man asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.
5th Place
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate
to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the
ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without blinking an eyelid she said, 'Sir, I need to
see your ticket not your stub.'
4th Place
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a
branch of Sainsbury's but couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a passing assistant, 'Do these turkeys get
any bigger?'
The assistant replied, ' I'm afraid not, they're dead.'
3rd Place
The policeman got out of his car and approached the boy
racer he stopped for speeding.
'I've been waiting for you all day,' the bobby said.
The kid replied, 'Yes, well I got here as fast as I
could.'
When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent
the kid on his way without a ticket.
2nd Place
A lorry driver was driving along on a country road.
A sign came up that read 'Low Bridge Ahead.'
Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead
and he got stuck under it.
Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up.
The policeman got out of his car and walked to the
lorry's cab and said to the driver, 'Got stuck?'
The lorry driver said, 'No, I was delivering this
bridge and ran out of petrol!'
SMART ARSED ANSWER OF THE YEAR
A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils
of tomorrow's final exam.
'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you
not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal
injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other
excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-arsed guy at the back of the room raised his
hand and asked,
'What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from
complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class was reduced to laughter and
sniggering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly
at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,
'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other
hand'.
a
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