Fellow citizens of Warwick don't miss this opportunity! You have the
unique chance to become founding members of Citizens Against Trees
(CAT)! Be the first on your block to join this exclusive organization
which truly is THE smallest organization on this earth (and maybe on
other habitable planets as well). Join with the CEO, COO, Master of
Ceremonies, SVP, DoT (doctor of trees) and the only member of CAT, mr.
james l. erviti, in showing the rest of the world that trees really
don't belong in Warwick.
Think of it! Not a single tree left standing in Warwick! The benefits
are astounding! After cutting down all of the trees in Warwick this is a
list of just some of the wonderful atributes of a treeless town:
1. A lifetime supply of toothpicks for every man, woman and child in town!
2. Way better broadband reception!!
3. Thousands of dollars (or more!) in the town coffers for selling stumpage!
4. Free fire wood!
5. Lots of space for solar panels to generate free (yes! free!)
electricity for the town!
6. Lumber for home improvement projects!
7. Wide open spaces for hiking (make sure to use sunscreen)!
There is so much more but this letter just doesn't have the space to
list them all.
WAIT!!!! There's more!
By becoming a member you will receive the You're Barking Up The Wrong
Tree tag for your dog! It's carved from the very trees that will be cut
down! Not only that! You, personally, will have the distinction of being
a founding member and you will be able to brag to your family and
friends about your membership is what is most likely the most thrilling
organization to come along in centuries! As a founding member you will
receive absolutely nothing unless, of course, you choose to spend some
money on something like a pin or a membership card which you would have
to provide yourself!
Don't wait! Join now! Send your application form (just make one up) to
jim erviti, CEO, COO, Master of Ceremonies, SVP, DoT who lives in
Warwick, MA 01378! As soon as all of the trees have been cut down you
will receive your free, yes free, You're Barking Up The Wrong Tree dog
tag! If you don't have a dog you should go out and get one and if you
don't want to do that, well, what kind of person are you anyway?!
With Love,
Jim Erviti
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