Subject: groaners
A little girl fell into a well, and although she cried
for help, her brother stood by and did nothing.
Finally the next-door neighbor came over and pulled
the girl up.
"Why didn't you help her?" the neighbor asked the boy.
"How," he replied, "could I be her brother and @ssist
her, too?"
A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having
these alternating recurring dreams. First, I'm a
teepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a teepee; then I'm
a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with
me?"
The doctor replies: "It's very simple. You're two
tents."
A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a
bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home, and the
bartender would always have the drink waiting at
precisely 5:03 p.m.
One afternoon, as the end of the workday approached,
the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of
hazelnuts. Thinking quickly, he threw together a
daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar.
The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip
of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut
daiquiri!"
"No," replied the bartender, "It's a hickory daiquiti,
doc."
A psychiatrist's receptionist alerted the doctor: "A
man is out here who says he is invisible."
"Tell him I can't see him right now," said the doctor.
It is well known throughout Central Europe that
members of William Tell's family were early devotees
of league bowling. They had sponsors and everything.
According to historians, though, the records have been
lost, so nobody knows for whom the Tells bowled.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when
they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once
and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat
it, too.
This guy goes to a costume party with a girl on his
back. "What the heck are you?" asks the host. "I'm a
snail." says the guy. "But, you have a girl on your
back," replies the host. "Yeah," he says, "that's
Michelle."
There's a nudist colony for communists. Two old men
are sitting on the front porch. One turns to the other
and says, "I say, old boy, have you read Marx?" And
the other says, "Yes....I believe it's these wicker
chairs."
A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage
and found his name missing from the town register. His
wife insisted on complaining to the local civic
official who apologized profusely, saying, "I must
have taken Leif off my census."
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
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