[ussbansheec] The College Years: Leaving the Nest
- From: "Moria Grace" <bansheec@xxxxxxx>
- To: <ussbansheec@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Mon, 5 Sep 2005 23:52:32 -0400
"The College Years: Leaving the Nest"
Anna, James, Victoria, and Moria McEntire
The shuttle was very nearly loaded with everything Moria would be taking with
her, clothes, bedding, towels, her books and programs, and her art supplies and
portfolio. Stepping out of the front door with her arms around another moving
crate, Moria stopped and watched as Victoria instructed James on the best way
to load her easel into the shuttle and smiled. It was weird thinking about what
was happening, but Moria pushed everything she was feeling to the side. She'd
chosen to do this, she had no right to feel scared now.
Anna slipped up behind her little girl, not so little anymore, and wrapped her
arms around her. "How you holding up?"
Is it to late to change my mind and live at home forever? "I'm fine, Mummy."
Moria smiled. "Not sure all my junk is going to fit into a dorm room, but I
guess I could always make my roommate sleep in the tub."
"It'll fit, even if we have to get Victoria to make it fit," Anna chuckled.
"No," Victoria said with infinite patience, "we don't pack like that, do we
James? We pack like this." She took the crate from him and placed it correctly,
allowing extra space in the shuttle. "Men," she muttered fondly.
"Men?" Moria called out. She would have gone over to them, but was unwilling to
move. No mummy to give you cuddles in Sydney you dumbass. "I don't see any men?
All I see is little Jimmie."
James peered at her and then stuck his tongue out, "I can go put my uniform
back on for you, if you like."
Sighing, Victoria started back for the house to get more stuff. "Most of us
have uniforms now, Jimmie."
"Which makes you a lady and me a gentleman," James informed her as he padded
after her.
"In your wildest dreams, brother mine."
"Every day of my life, sister dear."
Their banter went on as they entered the house. Smiling fondly at the them,
Anna let her daughter go and took her box. "Go check you've not missed
anything."
"Yes Mummy." Moria replied as she chewed her lip and turned to go back into the
house. She could hear James and Victoria in the back were she'd been given
space for her art stuff, a little room her parents had surprised her with for
her sixteenth birthday. Closing her eyes she trudged up the stairs to her
bedroom. For the most part it looked the same, just a little more empty and
clean. Walking up to her bed she picked up her satchel and shouldered it, then
picked up her stuffed penguin.
What the hell am I doing? Moria asked herself as she looked around her room.
Slowly it started to dawn on her that she wouldn't be coming home tonight. She
wouldn't be sitting at the dinner room table with a parent on each end, Joshie
and PJ across from her, and Victoria and James next to her. She wouldn't be
sitting in the living room fighting with James while Vix tried to read, their
mother scolding them in the background about not acting as of they were five.
She wouldn't be able to kiss her parents good night or to sleep in her own bed.
Tears rolled down Moria's face as she stood in the middle of her bedroom
trembling so bad she could barely breath.
The whole of the art stuff was packed, there was nothing else and nothing was
missing except... Anna blinked and looked around. "Where's Moria?"
James just shrugged while Victoria said primly, "I don't know Mum. I think she
went upstairs to have a check around."
"Yes but that was ages ago." Narrowing her eyes, she told the other two to get
in and then headed up to Moria's room. Knocking on the door, for once, she
waited to be admitted.
Sitting on her bed with her back against the headboard, her knees drawn up
under her chin, and Kowalski in a death hold, Moria's whole body shook. She
wasn't ready for this, she didn't want to do it any more. She was scared to
death.
"Precious, are you okay?" Anna asked through the door. "Can I come in?"
"Yes." Moria replied softly.
Slipping through as thin a crack in the door as she could manage, Anna sighed
at the sight of her little girl curled up on the bed. She sat down next to her
and put an arm around her. "Oh my precious girl, what's wrong?"
"I can't do this, Mummy." Moria chocked out as she leaned into her mother's
embrace. "I've made a mistake, I can't do this, I'll be all alone, I'll be so
far away." Her heart was pounding painfully in her chest. "Please don't make me
go."
"Shh, shh," Anna said as she rubbed circles around Moria's back. "Hey there,
I'm not going to make you do anything. If you want to stay, really and truly
want to, then we'll just unpack and you can stay." Inwardly, Anna sighed. When
she'd left for the Academy, it hadn't been until they were in the shuttle and
half way over the Pacific until she'd had her panic attack. Let's just hope I
handle this better than my father did, she thought ruefully.
Did she really want to stay or was it just her fear? Moria couldn't remember a
time when she didn't want to go to school in Australia, but all those times
when she'd stare out the window of the hotel at the opera house and the at
bridge, all those nights laying on her sleeping bag in the outback looking up
at the stars, her family had been right there with her. Never once in her life
had she ever been alone. When she was little and had to stay in the hospital
her mother or father, or one of the grandmothers always stayed with her. Hell
she never even went to summer camp alone, James was always with her. "I've
never been alone before, Mummy. I don't want to be by myself. I wasn't even
born alone for pete's sake!"
"I know precious, I know." Anna continued to rub circles. "But you'll have to
leave home eventually."
"I know," Moria admitted in a voice just barely louder then a whisper. "but I'm
terrified. At least the others will have each other, and they can beam home
when ever they want. I had to chose to go to a whole different fu.. er..
hemisphere."
"But it's home, just like this is home, am I right?"
Moria nodded. It had always felt like home, her mother understood that. "It's
always felt that way, but what if it doesn't now? None of you will be there
with me."
"We'll be there the first night and if you really don't like it, you can come
home. James said he'd like to spend the week there, keep an eye on you, chat up
your roommate, that kind of thing." Anna kissed Moria's forehead before hugging
her.
Closing her eyes, Moria started to relax as her mother cuddled her. At any
other time she would have laughed at herself, needing to be cuddled at
eighteen. She was being such a baby. "Can I come home whenever I want? James
said you were going to turn my room into a walk-in closet."
"James talks out of his... ears sometimes. Of course you can come home, you're
always welcome here, why wouldn't you be?"
Moria shrugged. "You and Dad will finally be able to have some peace? No one to
yell at, or fight with, or have to punish." Or to laugh with, or teach things
to, or cuddle. Gasping, Moria pulled back a little so she could look into her
mother's eyes. "You'll be alone too."
Anna offered her girl a sad little smile. "Yes, Moria, we'll be alone too."
"This whole growing up thing is turning out to be a really bad idea." Moria
huffed. "I don't like it one bit."
Laughing deeply, Anna shook her head. "Nah, growing up can be deeply fun too,
trust me. You've got love and beauty and fun to find yet. And... er..." Anna
blushed brightly. "And yes, love, beauty and fun." Chuckling past her
embarrassment, her eyes danced merrily. "And Sydney isn't all that bad a place
to find them."
Titling her head to the side, Moria looked at the blush that colored her
mother's face. "And what Mummy?"
A lop-sided grin spread over her face and Anna blushed a little brighter. "Sex,
precious. It's all of those things wrapped into one."
Moria blinked once, her face quickly matching her mother's in it's flush. "Oh."
She replied sheepishly. Sex was not one of the things Moria ever had on her
mind very much. She wasn't positive, but she was vaguely sure that the number
of virgins amongst her siblings was down to two, herself and Victoria.
Giggling at her daughter's expression, she confided, "We did have to have sex
at least once, you know, to produce the five of you."
Moria covered her ears, but laughed. "Did not need to know that thank you very
much."
"And you know what," Anna teased even more, "your father and I, we still do it.
"Yes we know we've heard." Moria replied, her face nearly crimson.
Anna roared with laughter, tears running down her face. "And here we thought we
were getting adept at being quiet about it." As the laughter eased off, she
hugged her daughter tightly. "Your father is an amazing man and I love him very
much but if I'd stayed home with my parents, I'd never have met him."
"Weren't you scared?" Moria asked. What her mother was saying made sense. She
needed to grow up and she'd never do that in her bedroom at home.
"Petrified. We were halfway over the Pacific Ocean before it set in and then
all I wanted to do was go home. But I swallowed it down, got to the Academy and
I think, up until that point, my first night alone there was the worst of my
life. I've had one or two worse than that now," Anna ended quietly.
She knew better then to ask what her grandfather had said to her mother when
she'd panicked. She wouldn't like the answer anyway because knowing her
grandfather it most likely wasn't very nice. "Is it ok if I'm still scared for
little while?"
"It's perfectly acceptable to be scared for a good long while. Being alone
isn't easy," Anna said as she brushed her daughter's face. "But you can call
home whenever you need to, even if it's four in the morning here, okay,
precious?"
"Even if I only need to hear you call me that?"
"Yes, precious, even if that's all you need." Cuddling her little girl, Anna
pulled her to her feet. "You really want to stay here and miss out on Uni?"
Moria actually had to stop and think about it, but in the end she shook her
head. "No, Mummy, I don't."
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