[ussbansheec] "Hollow"
- From: "Moria Grace" <bansheec@xxxxxxx>
- To: <ussbansheec@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Wed, 28 Sep 2005 22:35:44 -0400
"Hollow"
Anna and Moria McEntire
The girl in the bed looked so small and fragile. It's the same thought that
always ran through Judy's mind when she came in to check the girl's vitals.
Small, fragile, and if Judy hadn't known any better, heartbroken. Stepping up
to the bed she checked the scan results. Everything was the same, and it all
pointed to recovery, and yet the girl was still unconscious. After imputing the
data into the girl's chart, Judy walked over to the other side of the bed and
put her hand on the shoulder of the older woman sitting there with her head
down on edge of the bed, her hand holding lightly to the girl's. "You should go
back to the hotel and get some sleep, Mrs. McEntire." She was well aware that
the woman was a doctor, but at the moment the tired, worried redhead was simply
a mother who was scared to death.
"I'll go home when my child wakes up, I won't leave this room until then," Anna
whispered, not raising her head. "Would you?"
"No Ma'am I wouldn't." Judy admitted. "Do you need anything? I can bring you
some tea or something from a replicator?"
"Hot, sweet tea would be very welcome." Lifting her head, she offered the nurse
a weak smile. "And a ham sandwich if it's not pushing my luck?"
Judy smiled back and lightly squeezed the woman's shoulder. "I'll bring them
back as soon as I update the mini Mac camp out in the family room. That
youngest of yours pours over this chart like a pro."
That made Anna chuckle, the sound dry to her ears, like sand in the desert.
"She's training to be a doctor, I think she'll be better than me one day."
"It's always what we want for them isn't it? For them to out shine us?" Judy
looked over at Moria who's hair was so shockingly red against the bright white
of the pillow. "What about this one?"
"I don't know. But she will be brilliant, no matter what," Anna said firmly.
"She's still working out what she wants. When she does, she'll shine
brightest."
Judy nodded and smiled again. She squeezed the woman's shoulder again and then
stepped back. "I'll be back in a few." Then she slipped out the door temporally
flooding the room with bright light.
Anna sighed and looked back on her daughter's pale face. "My precious, come
home."
It was dark and she was cold and so very empty. Sometimes she thought she heard
something, a whisper, her name, precious, and she wanted to reach out towards
the sound. But other times the silence was deafening only to be shattered by a
fading cry.
Rubbing her daughter's hand, Anna felt the useless tears again. She'd cried
silently all night, the nurse had left her alone with it. Now they came back as
she rested her head down on the bed again. "I miss you, precious. I can't lose
you."
It was heartbreaking pain but it wasn't her own. The voice, it had tears in it.
Mummy. She thought weakly. Her mother was hurting. She couldn't hide anymore.
She was hurting her by hiding, by not trying to come back, but staying in the
cold dark.
The hand that felt warm as if it were being held, twitched.
"Precious?" Anna asked carefully, sitting very still so she could feel every
movement. "My precious?"
It was harder then she'd thought but slowly the darkness turned gray. She moved
her hand again and tried to open her eyes or to say something but she felt like
she was being held underwater.
"Nurse!" Anna called, joy and panic filling her voice.
Moria heard that clearly and flinched.
Judy dashed into the room with a cup of tea and a ham sandwich. "Mrs. McEntire?"
"She's awake," Anna gasped as she stood up, still holding Moria's hand. "She's
conscious."
"She's gotta headache." Moria croaked out not really sure she'd used her own
voice.
"Oh precious, I'm sorry." Anna finally had to let Moria go so the nurse could
look at her.
Grabbing a tri-corder, Judy walked over and started to scan Moria while taking
in the readings from the bed-scans. "Welcome back, Sleeping Beauty." She smiled
at the girl who was trying to open her eyes. "Slowly, Moria. Actually why don't
you keep 'em closed until we dim the lights ok?"
She would have nodded, recalling how much she hated it when one of her siblings
would suddenly flick on a light in the mornings, but the more she came too the
more she realized she hurt.
"As soon as the doctor comes in we'll get you something for the pain, Moria."
Judy told her. "We didn't want to give you anything to strong until you woke
up."
She didn't really care at the moment. "Mummy?" She croaked out again. When had
she eaten so much sand?
"Yes my precious?" Anna sank back into the chair and pulled Moria's hand to her
chest.
"Wha.." Moria cleared her throat but it didn't help. "What happened?"
Judy poured a small amount of water into a cup and dropped a straw into it
before handing it to the girl's mother. "I'm going to contact the doctor and
have him come see her right away."
"Thank you," Anna said to the nurse. Then very carefully, she began, "You were
in an accident. Sam was injured but he's alright."
An accident? Why couldn't she remember? When the lights in the room dimmed,
Moria carefully opened her eyes and blinked slowly until they refocused.
Internally she was taking stock of what hurt and felt wrong. "I don't feel
right."
"That's because you were very badly injured, precious." Leaning forward, Anna
kissed her daughter very carefully on the side of her head.
Moria tried to shake her head. That wasn't it, it wasn't just what was broken
or busted. She felt a deep void.
"Hey, lie still precious, go easy." Anna needed to go and see Mac, but she
desperately didn't want to move.
"Something's not right, something's missing." Moria replied, her eyes closed,
her head trying to piece things together. They were going to have dinner with
Sam's parents but she wanted something else... to talk to Sam alone... to tell
him something.
Anna couldn't tell her. She'd prayed to whoever would listen that Moria hadn't
known about the baby. The last time she'd prayed, she'd asked for Josh to come
home. This was yet another nail in God's coffin.
Stepping into the room, Doctor Gossner walked over to the bed and looked down
at his patient. "Good to see you awake, Ms. McEntire."
Moria opened her eyes and looked at the sandy haired man.
"How are you feeling?" He asked as he started to examine her.
She thought about it a moment and replied, "Hollow."
The doctor looked at her and then over at her mother. He didn't want to say
anything until he was sure what the girl knew.
"Why do you feel hollow, precious?" Holding her breath, she gave out one last
prayer.
Tears welled in Moria's eyes as her head started to clear.
"What do you remember?" Asked the doctor.
"We were heading to the coast." Moria answered.
Gossner nodded. "Do you remember anything about what happened?"
Moria shook her head. "Everything after Sam pulling me out of the restaurant is
a blur."
"And before?"
Moria closed her eyes and turned her head away from him.
Gossner nodded. "I'm going to order some tests. Things are looking up now that
she's awake."
"Do you hear that, precious? Everything's going to be alright, I promise," Anna
sighed, knowing it was a lie.
Moria didn't say anything, she just kept her eyes closed and her head turned
away.
Gossner gave Anna a sympathetic look and then slipped out of the room.
"Precious?" Anna sighed, stroking Moria's hair. "You knew. I'm so sorry, my
precious one. So terribly sorry." She died inside but it was nowhere near what
Moria must be feeling.
Tears soaked the pillow under her head. "It's why I asked to go to the Reef. I
wanted telling him to be special." She trembled as she held back her sobs. "Now
he's gone, isn't he, Mummy?"
"Sam? Oh no, precious, he's fine." She squeezed Moria's hand again. "He was
panicking so badly, we can barely keep him from the door."
Moria shook her had as best she could. "Not Sam, the baby." She whispered.
"I'm sorry, oh God, I'm sorry," Anna whispered. "Yes, my precious, the baby
died. They saved you but they just couldn't save the child. They tried, I swear
they did."
A piece of her heart was missing and Moria knew she'd never feel it again. She
would have rolled over and curled up into a ball if she could have moved, but
she had to settle for keeping her head turned away from her mother, her eyes
closed as the tears poured from her soul. "Sam's going to hate me."
"No, never, he's been so scared for you." Anna sighed as she sat back but kept
contact with her little girl. She was like a broken toy, discarded for being
imperfect and Anna felt sick because of it. Ever since they were born, she'd
done everything she could to keep them safe. Joshie had been the worst so far.
But this... Anna had no idea how to handle it. Her little Moria was broken and
Anna didn't know how to fix her.
She should have just told him. Wanting it to be romantic and special was just
daft. Maybe if he'd known they wouldn't have gone out, maybe none of this would
have happened. "This is all my fault."
"No, it's not. It was an accident, just a stupid accident. It was no ones
fault." Sam's, Anna thought.
"He would have been beautiful, and now he's gone because I didn't tell Sam,
because I couldn't make him..." She stopped, make him what? "Make him... I
can't remember!"
"Don't stress yourself, precious, just lie back and rest. There's plenty of
time for working things out later." Leaning over, Anna kissed Moria's forehead.
"I'm so sorry." She whispered wanting so badly to be held, but unable to make
herself reach out or ask.
"Shh, you've nothing to be sorry for," Anna said softly. She stood up and moved
so she was leaning over the bed. Sliding one arm under Moria's head, she hugged
the girl softly with the other. "You've done nothing wrong."
She couldn't protect her own child. She'd been selfish and her baby paid for
it. Moria wasn't sure who she hated more God or herself. Unable to hold back
with her mother's arms around her Moria finally stopped fighting the painful
sobs that burned her chest.
"My little girl, hush," Anna cooed as she rocked Moria ever so gently. "I wish
I could make it better, I wish I could have saved you this. I would wrap you in
cotton wool and place you in a safe, strong, loving place to keep you from
this. I would do anything to take this from you." But I can't, she thought
bitterly.
When it hurt to much physically to cry anymore more, Moria asked in a painfully
raw voice, "Can I come home? I want to come home."
"Yes precious, of course you can," Anna told her.
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