[ussbansheec] A Detour on the Yellow Brick Road

From: Andy Maluhia <CaptainAndy@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
To: ussbansheec@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Date: Wed, 25 Oct 2006 07:15:53 -0400

_A Detour on the Yellow Brick Road_ by Lieutenant 'Skippy', Celebrin & Lianjie Caine, T'Liante, Tennyson Matthews, & BJ Pearce

/Do not arouse the wrath of the great and powerful Oz. I said come back tomorrow. --The Wizard of Oz/

***follows 'Resources are Resources'

The lieutenant on guard at the docking entrance was bored. He was still as vigilant as ever but he was mind numbingly bored. Stupid to be guarding an empty ship, he muttered to himself. What's the big deal with this one? Waste of my time. I knew I shouldn't have had that last drink. Then the fight wouldn't've escalated--

The lieutenant's train of thought halted when he saw the trio of people heading toward him. Two were in Fleet uniforms, one male and one female, and the other, another woman, was wearing what he called the Vulcan uniform: boring loose robes. He bit back his planned rude speech when he caught sight of the smaller woman's collar brass.

"Can I help you, Captain?  This is off limits," he said carefully.

"Don't you think I know that, Lieutenant Skippy?" Celebrin asked tartly. "That would be why you're standing there with a phaser rifle." She waved a PADD in front of his face, barely giving him time to see it, never mind read it. "Captain Caine from E&D. We're here to give the ship its final inspection so step aside."

T'Liante almost smirked but kept her face impassive under the hood of her robes.

Tennyson waved a hand at the door, his eyebrows raised. "Come on, get on with it."

"But my orders..." the lieutenant sputtered.

"Yeah, yeah," Celebrin pushed on, barely giving the man time to breathe or think. "Those orders no doubt mentioned an E&D team so outta my way before I call Admiral Suvuk. Do you really want me to do that?"

"The Admiral would be most displeased," T'Liante said softly. "He can be most adamant in his displeasure."

"Open the door, Skippy," Celebrin hissed, her eyes narrowing as she appeared as menacing as such a small woman could be.

"Alright, alright," the lieutenant said hurriedly, as he keyed in the entrance code. "Just go and don't tell him I delayed you."

"That would be a lie by omission," T'Liante observed ruefully as she swept past him.

"Perhaps an exaggeration is called for," Tennyson suggested, a twinkle in his eyes.

T'Liante inclined her head. "An exaggeration then. He will not discover your oversight, Lieutenant."

As the door closed behind them, Celebrin smirked up at Tennyson and T'Liante. "Of course he won't hear a thing," she said mildly. "I think he's been dead a good twenty years or so."

"Twenty one years, three months, two days, five hours..." T'Liante confirmed, a twinkle in her dark eyes as she lowered her hood.

Celebrin grinned at her.  "You know, I knew my son had good taste."

"Yes and a good ear, too," came a familiar voice from around the corner.

T'Liante's eye brow went up as she turned to Lianjie. "You took your time, k'diwa. We have been here for all of two minutes. What has taken you so long?"

"It is said that a ShaoLin priest can walk through walls but some walls are awfully thick," he said with a shrug. ~~Alright I used the duct work but they were obviously not meant for someone my size.~~

Celebrin rolled her eyes.  "I knew I'd hear that again one day..."

~~Perhaps you simply got lost~~ she teased though her face remained still.

~~Well...only once. This technology is mind numbing,~~ he admitted as he held his two fingers out to her.

"Alright, kiddies, what next?" Celebrin asked.

T'Liante placed her fingers atop his but turned to Celebrin. "The Bridge or the computer core."

"Computer core," the older woman decided. "Have to make this look a little proper after all." Waving over her shoulder, she added, "We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz..."

Tennyson let out a bright laugh as he asked, "That mean I get to be the scarecrow and T'Liante's Dorothy?"

~~Dorothy?~~ T'Liante raised one eyebrow.

~~'The Wizard of Oz'~~ Lianjie explained. ~~A very old piece of fiction that involves witches, animated scarecrows and monkeys.~~ "I don't think the shoes would be suitable. Maybe more along the lines of Glinda the Good Witch."

"Somehow, as much as it would fit in Chinese, you would make a horrible flying monkey, Lianjie," Celebrin snorted as a lift door opened.

"I know, we'll do Return to Oz and he can be Tick Tock," Tennyson replied with a wicked glint.

T'Liante did not understand but that was a normal reaction to spending time with Tennyson. Instead of asking again, she flowed onto the lift and folded her arms.

"Queen of the Lollypop Guild," Lianjie said dead pan as he patted his mother on the head.

That earned him a jab in the ribs from Celebrin's elbow. Ignoring her son's smirk at that, she asked, "Alright, kiddies, once we find your friend, we have to get him off this boat or find out why that can't be done."

"Assuming he is even on this vessel," T'Liante pointed out.

"That word is so very dangerous," Celebrin agreed. "That assumption in mind, it leaves us to find out why he's still here."

"If he is," Lianjie added.

"I said that," T'Liante teased, though her face remained motionless. ~~Monkey~~

~~I'm going to find you a magic wand~~ Lianjie told her. ~~But the outfit I always pictured just would suit you.~~

~~Why would I need a magic want, k'diwa?~~ He was quite confounding at times but she knew that was part of the attraction.

~~If I have to be a flying monkey then you have to be the Good Witch~~ He smiled then. ~~I'll read you the story when we get home.~~

The lift stopped at its station and Celebrin poked her head out, calling softly, "Yoo hoo...it's not the man behind the green curtain."

T'Liante merely rolled her eyes and marched out to the terminal connected to the core. She typed in simple commands and hmphed. "It is as I suspected, my access has been restricted."

"How about yours, Scarecrow?" Celebrin asked even though she had a feeling that the results would be the same.

Tennyson smirked at Celebrin and entered his code but nodded. "Same. It seems that this is a closed book to anyone below the rank of captain."

The smaller woman hmmphed softly then made a shooing motion. "Step back," she said, cracking her knuckles. "Let's see how tech geeky they got."

Lianjie shook his head.  ~~I hate this part.~~

~~Why, k'diwa? It is her talent is it not?~~ T'Liante touched his hand lightly as she stepped back to his side.

~~Of that, I am completely sure.~~ He made a slight face then shook his head. ~~I just know better as to what happen if, as they say, a booby trap is tripped.~~

~~Do you believe such a thing could catch your mother?~~ T'Liante frowned slightly at Lianjie and then at the console. "Has this ship been booby trapped?" she asked out loud.

~~Even Sun Houzi the Monkey King was once caught by the King of Heaven in a legend~~ he said with a shrug.

"I hope not," Celebrin said archly, without looking up. "That would be very embarrassing."

"It would be dangerous," T'Liante pointed out primly. "This action is still technically against the law."

"I prefer to look at them as suggestions rather than laws," Celebrin returned. She fell silent a moment then almost cringed as she hit the last command. "Let's see what happens."

A small sign on the console lit up and flashed a message "Please do not hit this command again" then went dark.

In the cozy nest he'd made himself, BJ frowned at the message that came through that someone was trying to access the computer system. When he checked the guard's logs, it said that the technical crew had come to do the last checks before the decommissioning. With a wicked grin on his face, he cracked his knuckles and determined to give this group of vultures the ride of their lives.

"Well, now," Celebrin murmured. She looked over her shoulder and made a beckoning gesture with one finger. "Come here, kiddies. There's a gremlin in the machine." Then she frowned at the screen, contemplating. She cracked her fingers before typing: I'm not who you think.

Very few are, came the cryptic response across the screen.

T'Liante peered at the writing and arched one eyebrow. "Do computers often respond to you like this?"

"No," Celebrin snorted. "Most of them either laugh at me or flip me the proverbial bird until I tickle them into submission. This," and she tapped the screen, "is a bit different. The gremlin's wise."

It was almost a pity he'd disabled the scanning devices internally to the ship, BJ mused as he typed in the commands to shut down all lighting. But then if he hadn't, he'd have been found long ago.

Do you know, Celebrin typed, that the metal monkey's been around a very long time?

BJ almost laughed at that so he typed, Fire monkey suggests that his metal cousin leaves before it gets burned.

I've known Tien Lung, the Guardian of Heaven. Burning is very hard. Make sure you don't burn the wood dragon while you're at it.

That made BJ pause. During one of his bored phases, he'd done a Chinese horoscope for all of his friends, though he'd never shown them. He knew several wood dragons, of course, four of which were his closest friends. But... A wicked grin formed as he remembered one of the others. Fishler was a wood dragon too. Cunning, he thought. Turn it back on me, twist it. He typed: And wood burns so very easily.

Not when it's being protected by the monkey who knew the Guardian of Heaven. Not all dragons are alike. Some burn like balsa and some...just don't.

I did not know the Guardian of Heaven, came the response, but I know the King of Hell.

I know him too but I also don't believe in him. I prefer neon lights and koi.

BJ paused, blinking at the response. Carefully, he typed his response: And strange men in pink hotpants?

Her face finally cracked in a slight smile, knowing the three young people were as close to looking over her shoulders as they dared. Blindingly pink, she typed. Nobody should scare monkeys that way.

BJ let out a whoop and swung away from his nest. Within two minutes, he was clambering into the computer core, looking grubby, unshaved and pale and thin. "Tennyson?" he called out before being almost balled over by the flamboyant man's bear hug.

"You led us a merry chase," Tennyson said roughly as he cuddled BJ close.

Celebrin glanced up at T'Liante and Lianjie. "I take it we've found the lost flying monkey?"

"We have," T'Liante said with relief clear in her eyes.

BJ managed to prise Tennyson off of him and he offered everyone else a lopsided smile. "They stole our ship," he offered as explanation. "They were going to decommission her."

"Now why'd they want to do that?" Celebrin asked. "This isn't even ten years past its registry being stamped. That doesn't make any sense." That was when she tossed the young man a jaunty salute coupled with a bow. "Celebrin Caine, engineer, acquirer, trickster, and captain at your service."

BJ saluted back. "BJ Pearce, commander, nut case and practical joker pleased to meet you." He offered her a shrug as he leaned in to kiss T'Liante's cheek. "They're taking her apart and putting her back together under a new name for old cod breath the commodore."

"I fucking hate that guy," Celebrin muttered, totally ignoring the fact that her son's eyebrows were lost somewhere in his hairline.

~~I did not just hear her say that~~ Lianjie said with a sigh. He didn't move yet he watched. No problem with a friend kissing another's cheek. He was unafraid of that yet the atmosphere smelled of danger.

~~Close your ears, k'diwa, and pretend you can hear white noise~~ T'Liante suggested innocently. "BJ, I would have you meet he who is my husband, Lianjie Caine."

BJ barely blinked. The little lady had herself a man at last then. She wasn't in uniform, he'd noticed, and she seemed different somehow, but if the guy made her happy, that was all BJ would ask. "Good to meet you."

"Lianjie Caine and the feeling is mutual," he said with a bow and his usual gesture. He straightened up then and gave his mother a pointed look. "You will excuse my mother while I wash her mouth out with soap."

"Fine, I'll start in Mandarin next time," Celebrin said deadpan.

"Don't worry about it, it's no worse than the things we've all said," BJ snorted. "You should hear T'Liante and Sinon go off on one in Vulcan. It's funny as all hell."

~~Oh really now?~~  Now Lianjie was amused.  ~~My lady dragon...tsk, tsk.~~

"Well here's the situation, kiddies," Celebrin stated. "They're want to decom this ship for a knuckle dragging freak who can't even be called a simian because we all know we can't call him a simian. I like monkeys after all. The question is why this ship?"

"Because it's ours?" BJ offered.

"Because of the upgrades to the computer by our resident obsessive here," Tennyson said softly. "BJ and our chief engineer have been working on a form of AI. Now both men are on permanent leave and their work is being given to a commodore known for using other people's work and getting all of the acclaim for it."

"Now that I believe completely and it ticks me off. You don't steal engineering ideas. That's just wrong. Is the plan for this AI actually stored anywhere but on this ship?" Celebrin asked.

~~AI?  Do I want to know?~~

"Sure," BJ said with a smile. "I've got one, Stevie Hale's got one and old baggy pants Brown's got one. We're not that stupid, y'know."

~~It had a very Human attitude~~ T'Liante made a slightly sour face that indicated that she preferred her computers to remain indifferent and logical.

~~That's just...~~ Lianjie shook his head. He didn't like machinery like that to begin with but to make it think? No, that was just wrong. ~~wrong. It has no chi.~~

"Then ask yourselves a question, What's more important: the project or the ship? If it's saved elsewhere without jackass knowing it, then things can be done," Celebrin told them.

BJ leaned over to touch the bulkhead and sighed.  "I guess the project."

"There are those of us who would not return to the ship even under Captain Hale's command," T'Liante said softly. "Save your project, BJ, and let the ship go."

"Listen, my young friend, if this AI of yours is aware, why not ask /it/?" Celebrin asked BJ, not unkindly. "It might not want to be in unscrupulous hands and, if you upload it to a decent PADD before anything happens, it'll be intact."

BJ shook his head slowly. "It's not aware quite yet. We're working on it, we're only a few days away and we have our plans laid out on how to do it," he explained.

"Give it some vitamins or something to speed it along," Celebrin suggested, "or DL the thing and set a trap. There's only so much time an inspection from E&D ought to last."

BJ's eyes glinted as he nodded and turned to the console, his fingers flying across it. "Oh yeah, this baby's gonna get fried the next time someone boots her up," he chuckled.

"The only thing is is you have to take the long way out of here with your fellow fire monkey. We only came in with three," Celebrin said mildly. "Which is kind of sad because I'm sure you'd love the expression on Lieutenant Skippy's face."

"Hey, no probs, it'll be fun!" BJ grinned, slapping Tennyson's arm as he headed back to the j-tube. "C'mon then, I'll give you the quick tour on the way out."

"Not him," Lianjie chuckled with a wry smile, "me. That one out there might be dim but he can't be dim enough to think he and I look alike."

"S'what I meant, friend," BJ laughed loudly. "Come on, it's not that big a ship and I can show you where the princess slept if you like." Offering T'Liante a wink, he hopped into a j-tube and began crawling.

"I would move quickly," she suggested ruefully. "He is faster than he looks."

It was easy enough for Lianjie to leap up to the tube but he was clearly unhappy about it. "I would prefer to simply leave this place."

"Aww come on, it's the last chance I'll get to say goodbye to the old bird," BJ said, scampering away.

"Let's go, please. I don't even have artificial lighting in my home. This place is full of bad chi. It's giving me a headache and I also don't trust my mother to not do something on the way out," Lianjie told him.

"Fine!" the tall surgeon huffed, swinging through the dimness. "I'll just have to say goodbye when they discover my present."

"Thank you," Lianjie grumbled. "especially since this involves that one who shall remain nameless. To use Mama's terms: he gives me the creeps."

"Don't worry, friend, he'll get what's coming."

"As is the nature of the Tao or, as the Vulcans say: what is, is. You all may be able to take care of yourselves but there's no need to break eggs on the tiger's head when the table will do," Lianjie hmmphed softly.

BJ snorted as he found them the quickest way out, pushing open the connecting tube to the dock. "Fresh air, monkey boy?"

"Thank you," Lianjie said with a slight bow. "Even my father would probably not have tried to walk through those walls."

Celebrin winked at T'Liante and Tennyson as the approached that same lieutenant, as if to say: watch this. "Hey, what's the idea of not telling me this was the wrong ship?"

Tennyson did his best not to smirk but T'Liante gave the man on guard a haughty expression. "The captain is not impressed with incompetence."

"And let me tell you," Celebrin said with a sharp nod, "my bosses at HQ are going to be steamed worse than mussels at a picnic. If I were you I'd shut up about this whole thing. I don't about these two but I've got a tad bit of mercy in me. I may be inclined to let this pass."

"We will be discreet," T'Liante agreed.

The lieutenant could feel the bullets of sweat popping out on his forehead and he berated himself once again for having that last drink. "What about that admiral?" he stammered.

"Oh he won't hear a word of it, trust me," Celebrin said deadpan.

"Then go quick." he said, making shooing motions.

Tennyson offered the guard a smile. "Chin up," he said mildly. "Just think of the worst that could happen and know it can never be quite as bad as you imagine."

Celebrin held back her laugh until they were well out of ear shot and sight. Then, she slumped against the wall, giggling like a crazed wood elf as she clutched her sides. "Now that was so well done."

Tennyson laughed with her, doing a small spin on the spot. "You are a class act, Celebrin."

"Most odd," was all their Vulcan companion would say as she folded her arms inside her cloak.

Celebrin sketched Tennyson a slight bow then sobered slightly. "Let's get out of here and find the other two. My poor son might have a fit otherwise."

The three of them marched out as if they still belonged exactly where they were. T'Liante could feel her k'diwa's presence before she saw him and almost smiled inside her hood.

Lianjie shook his head as the three approached. "I don't know how I didn't grow up as insane as you are, Mama," he said with a good natured shake of his finger.

"Good luck, child," Celebrin laughed.

[ussbansheec] A Detour on the Yellow Brick Road

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