[TheNoir] Memory
- From: MaureenENicks@xxxxxxx
- To: thenoir@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Fri, 24 Dec 2004 17:02:16 EST
"Memory"
M.E. Nicks
M.E. sat alone in the chair that she’d tied Anita down in. She couldn’t get
Anita’s story out of her thoughts and she couldn’t stop berating herself
for
having done it. How could she have missed the torment that being tied down
had caused? How could she have missed the memories that had surfaced? She’d
been tied down to a chair and forced to watch her mother and sister being
raped, beaten and then killed. She’d wanted to tell Anita that after such
treatment death had probably been a release, but she no longer believed that
death
was the only way out. She did once, and maybe it had been for them, but it
wasn‘
t an option for her anymore and she didn‘t want it to be Anita‘s either.
She
’s thought losing herself in her own darkness was her only way out of the
pain once. She’s hidden there inside her own mind, inside her darkness fore
weeks, and then when she’d come out of it she feed off it.
**********
The small type 9 shuttle was on it’s way back to the Khitomer from Star Base
56 where it’s young officers had just completed an assignment for their
captain. Maureen had set the auto pilot to take over long enough for her and
Andrew to get something to eat. Ever since she had told him she was pregnant
all
he wanted to do was baby her. She kinda liked it, but knew it would get on her
nerves sooner or later.
“How do you think your mother will react?” Andrew asked as he set a glass
of milk down in front of her.
“Huh?” She asked.
“When we go to Earth next month, how do you think your Mother will react?”
He said again.
“About us getting married, or about the baby?” She asked.
Andrew sat down across from her. “Both?”
She laughed, “With my mother who knows. But what ever she thinks, I don’t
care. I mean her blessing and her being happy for me would be wonderful. But if
that doesn't happen I’m not going to let it stop me from having a life with
you.”
Andrew reached out his arm and took Maureen by the hand. “I love you.”
Maureen was about to return the sentiment but was interrupted by the
proximity alarm going off in the cock pit. She ran back to the controls but she
really didn’t need them, she could see the shuttle that had joined them. She
check it’s registry, “Damn it, not know!”.
“What is it?” Asked Andrew looking over the information on the screen.
“Isn’
t that shuttle from Admiral Marcs’ ship?”
“Yes.” Snapped Maureen. “Damn it not now.”
“Yes now.” Came a voice from behind them.
It was Commander Roger McMiller. Admiral Marcs’ had made him her handler on
occasion and she hated it. She hated him, she liked working for Harrison a
hell of lot better.
Andrew was about to protest the sudden beam in since it was against
protocol, but McMiller had already stunned him by the time he had his mouth
open.
“What do you want Commander?” Maureen asked.
The Commander smiled at her. “You have an assignment to take care of. It
should only take a couple of days.” He said as he stepped over Andrew.
Maureen looked over at Andrew. “I really wish you hadn't done that, I hate
erasing his memory.”
He smiled at her again and handed her a padd. “There’s your assignment.”
It took her a minute to read it over, and then just to make sure she was
reading it right she read it again and yet again. “You want me to do what?”
She
done that before. The only thing new is that you have to go all the way this
time. It’s the only way, he only trusts women he’s had sex with.”
Maureen didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t believe that this man was
really ordering her to sleep with a Klingon governor, although not uncommon for
some agents it was defiantly not her thing. It took her a few seconds to find
the right words. “I don’t think so Commander. Your crazy if you think I’m
doing this. I don‘t to full contact if you want that done ask Harrison if
you
can borrow Rae, she‘s the best at that kind of assignment.”
Wrong words. “I don’t want Rae to do this. You will do this! You have no
choice!” He was right up in her face and she really hated that.
“I do have a choice and I choose to tell you to go to hell!” She shouted as
she pushed him away. That only made him mad. He back handed her across the
face causing an instant bruise. She was stunned but that didn’t keep her
from
kicking him in the nuts sending him to the floor. She managed to get to the
control panel to send out a distress call. She had just put it on a repeat
pattern when McMiller grabbed her by the hair.
She could feel something snap with in McMiller as he grabbed her and for the
first time in a long time Maureen was scared to death. She tried to fight
him off but he had seen the way she fights and had her in a hold that she
couldn
’t get out of.
“I can see how a girl like you would have a problem with this assignment.
You damn Betaziods are so damn righteous. And I know that as long as you are
connected to him.” He was looking at Andrew in such a way that Maureen’s
stomach turned. “You’ll never do this. I never liked you ya know. I
don’t trust
telepaths.”
“Sounds like a personal problem to me, this is professional so let me go and
get the hell outta here.” Maureen said breathlessly. He had a strong hold on
her around her ribs and it was hard for her to breath and the more she fought
against him the tighter he held on to her.
“I don’t think so. I think you need to learn about respect. The Admiral
might think your attitude is cute but I don’t.” He threw Maureen to the
floor
and kicked her in the ribs. “Where’s that bastard Harrison and his pet
bitch
at now, Maureen?” He said darkly.
McMiller was about to kick her again but she rolled over and then kicked him
in the stomach. She tried to get to her feet but he was faster then her and
before she could stand up he had her back on the floor. She could see in his
eyes what was coming next, she tried to fight him off, but she couldn’t move.
He ripped her uniform form her body and hit her in the face again when she
screamed.
“Maureen.” Andrew whispered as he started to come around. He heard her
scream and sat up to look around. When he saw what McMiller was trying to do he
charged him, knocking him off of her.
The two men only fought for a few minutes before a disrupter was fired.
Maureen had gotten to her hands and knees when she saw it go off, she called
out
for Andrew but neither man moved. She wanted to go to him but was to scared to
move. Finally McMiller got to his feet. “Stupid son of bitch.” He laughed
as he stood up.
Maureen looked over at Andrew lying on the floor his body limp with a whole
in his chest from the disrupter blast. “Andrew!” She screamed as she flung
herself over to him, lying her body on his. “I love you too.“ She
whispered.
McMiller’s laugh became louder and Maureen’s anger higher. She stood up and
looked him right in the eye before she lunged for his throat. They fought
again for only a few minutes. Maureen knocked the phaser out of his hand, but
he
rammed her head into the bulk head. She collapsed to the floor, she lied
there, a small pool of her own blood starting to form. He moved closer to her
and she knew he was going to finish what he had started before Andrew had
tried
to stop him. She raised her metal shielding and blocked her mind away from
her body. She screamed out in pain just before losing consciousness.
She withdrew to a dark. cold, lifeless place and stayed there. She had no
intentions on coming back. She’d watched as her fiancée was shot to death,
and
she could no longer feel the tiny life that had been growing inside her. In
the span of thirty minutes one man had ripped her life right from her body.
Why should she come out of the darkness?
They wouldn’t leave her alone. She wouldn’t leave her alone. She could feel
her presence in her mind, trying to reach into her darkness to pull her out,
but she didn’t want out. She managed to keep the woman at bay for two
weeks, but she was growing to tired to fight anymore. Slowly Maureen opened her
eyes only to close them against the bright light.
“Welcome back, Lieutenant.” Came a soft and vaguely familiar voice. “Do
you
know where you are?”
Maureen opened her eyes again and looked around. It was a huge sickbay and
there were two women standing near her bed. “On a starship.” She managed to
choke out. “In a sick bay.”
The two women looked at each and then the dark haired one looked down at
Maureen, while the red head ran a tri-corder of her. “Your on the
Enterprise.”
The red head, the ship’s doctor, had told her there was no permanent damage
and that when she was ready she’d be able to have another child. Maureen
didn’
t want another child. She didn’t even want to be awake. She didn’t have to
face the pain she felt in her heart in the darkness. After a while the red
head had left, leaving Maureen alone with the dark haired woman, the woman
who’
d pulled her out.
“Why couldn’t you just leave me alone.” Maureen asked.
The dark haired woman looked at her with sympatric eyes. “You needed to come
out of hiding, Maureen. You have a life to live out here.”
Maureen shook her head. “My life ended when my baby’s and Andrew’s did.
You
should have left me alone. I didn’t ask you to come barging into my head. You
had no right.”
“It was the only way to bring you out of your pain, Maureen.”
“I didn’t feel any pain there.” Maureen said as she laid a hand over her
now empty belly. “I didn’t feel anything there.”
“Your angry.”
Maureen turned her head with a snap and looked darkly at the other woman. “
What gave you the first fucking clue, Counselor? The tone of my voice? The
emptiness in my eyes? Or did you sense it? Or maybe you saw the images in my
head? Tell me Counselor has anyone ever let you know how welcome your
interference is by bruising, or better yet cutting, that perfect skin of
yours?”
The dark haired woman didn’t even flinch. “Would hurting me make you feel
better?”
“I don’t feel anything. Your in my fucking head you know that.”
The woman sat back in her chair. Her dark eyes never leaving Maureen. “I
sense that your trying very hard to cover up your hurt with numbing anger.”
Maureen settled down into the bio bed, unwilling to make eye contact with
the woman. “Anger is an emotion, Counselor, and I don’t have any worth
feeling
anymore.”
**********
M.E. had spent the better part of a month under close watch while she was on
the Enterprise. She’d even lashed out and stuck the counselor a couple of
times. She would shut down and then get angry and then lash out over and over
again, and the counselor never gave up. By the time the ship had returned to
Earth for McMiller’s trial M.E. had started to heal a little. When McMiller
was
acquitted M.E. shut down again but when she came out of it this time she’d
nearly destroyed the counselor's office and put the caring dark haired woman
in traction. Even then the counselor had made it a point to help M.E. She
helped her as she came to the decision to leave Starfleet and to return home
to
her mother’s house in Ireland.
That’s what she wants to do for Anita. She wants to help her out of the
darkness and help her to see that life is ok out here. She didn’t however
thing
she was doing a very good job at it or at being captain. M.E. got out of the
chair and headed out of the hidden room. She needed a reality check. She needed
to talk to Alex.
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