Fellow Society Members,
Today (February 8th) is an auspicious day in history as it marks the
anniversary of a number of pivotal events that have shaped the world as we
know it. For example:
* Invention of the Guttie golf ball, (made from the dried sap of a
Malaysian Sapodilla tree). Prior to this, golfers used the featherie, a
hand-sewn almost-round leather sack filled with chicken feathers (and which
travelled a distance roughly equivalent to the best SOGAGG tee shot
..).
Note: After widescale transition to the Guttie, medical innovations such
as roller bandages, tubular bandages, triangular bandages and the x-ray
machine were quickly introduced
..
* Creation of the shot glass. This advance was directly tied to the
introduction of the water hazard, fairway bunker, 3-putt, 4-putt, and the
expression its still your turn
.. Also implemented: a variety of new
swear words, and rapid increases in alcohol sales (most notably in Ireland
and Scotland).
* First use of the fast-food drive-through based on a 2-way intercom
system. The responsible new restaurant start-up (aka Jack in The Box),
recently witnessed one customers millionth order of the #26 breakfast meal
at their Bonita California store. The #26 breakfast consists of: sausage
patties, sausage links, a slab of bacon, ½ dozen eggs, 4 lbs of hashbrowns,
two hamburger patties, a large cheese wedge, French fries, French toast, an
apple turnover, pancakes, biscuits and gravy, bread pudding, tiramisu, a
slice of apple pie, more bacon, and a ¼ inch piece of kale -- all served on
a 12 sourdough Muffin (Note: the ¼ inch waft of kale is optional
.). Total
nutritional count is listed as 1.2 million calories.
* But most significantly, February 8th is known as the birthdate of
our very own Dwayne Ace Junker a fatherly Fauntleroy whose fellowship
and fanciful fantabulousness we favor so fervently. A familial fascinator
who is faithfully fair to family and friends alike. Whose famed features,
fulsome forbearance, and fresh fecundicy freely fosters fabulous feel-good
feelings for fortuitous folks. A founder of fraternities. A frolicsome,
fun-loving, first-rate friend. A fulsome fellow whose fidelity and
frivolity we fondly follow. And a filosopher, filantropist, and
funmeister of the finest fashion.
Some key moments in our largehearted leaders life:
* Feb 8th, 19xx
.., born in Jackson Minnesota. [Note (1): He is 1 of
only 3,972 people in the world who has ever been to, or even heard of,
Jackson, Minnesota. Note (2): todays temperature high in Jackson will be
a -11.3 degrees
.]
* A 30 year Navy veteran who held 13 different ranks throughout his
career starting from bootcamp through MasterChief Petty Officer with
continued promotions as a commissioned officer. (The Navy still speaks of
his service in hushed tones
.)
* After spearheading a series of successful business enterprises
following his military career, he decided to go in a different direction and
took up golf. This effort to balance out his many other successes is having
predictable results
..
* Has the distinction of having been hit by a golf ball on five (5)
separate occasions (by fellow players who allegedly call themselves his
friends). This feat has been submitted to the Guiness book of records
...
* Introduced into the Jack in the Box Hall of Fame for consuming one
million #26 breakfast sandwiches at the same location. (see previously
described historical facts).
* Rumored to have scored a hole in one on a regulation golf course.
(Witnesses unable to be located at the time of this writing
..)
* Founder of SOGAGG. (Still under investigation by local, state, and
federal law enforcement authorities
.).
* Personal advisor, life coach, fashion coordinator, and sketch-writer
for Bill Murray (see weblink below).
<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KddGRW2qyCo>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KddGRW2qyCo
A chipper among the chippiest
., a putter among putters
.. a man who never
met a sand trap that he couldnt dig
.., Please join me in offering our
wholehearted congratulations to Ace (aka Fearless Leader) on his very
special day!!!!
Very, very respectfully,
KD
Gar Wright
gar.wright77@xxxxxxxxx
(619) 733-3309
