[ SHOWGSD-L ] I defy you not to crack up at this one...........
- From: Peggy <pmick12@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: Showgsd-l <showgsd-l@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Fri, 10 Aug 2007 18:24:28 -0400
shared by Peggy...because it's time we all had a good laugh...........
Fortunately this is not my story...
We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the
summer of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program. For those of you who
are not familiar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10-year
old child whom you know nothing about and committing to doing your best
to be a good parent.
Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies. He will only
sleep on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to my face as
he can get without actually performing a French kiss on me. Lest you
think this is a bad case of 'no discipline,' I should tell you that
Perry and I tried every means to break him of this habit including
locking him in a separate bedroom for several nights. The new door cost
over $200. But I digress.
Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house. Although the cost of
the project is downright obnoxious, it is 20 years overdue, AND it got
me out of cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended family, and a lot of
friends that I like more than family most of the time. I was, however,
assigned the task of preparing 124 of my famous yeast dinner rolls for
the two Thanksgiving feasts we did attend. I'm still cursing the
electrician for getting the new oven hooked up so quickly; the only
appliance in the whole darn house
that worked, thus the assignment.
I made the decision to cook the rolls on Wednesday evening to reheat
on Thursday morning. Since the kitchen was freshly painted you can
imagine the odor. Not wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams
latex paint #586,I put the rolls on baking sheets and set them in the
living room to rise for 5 hours. After 3 hours, Perry and I decided to
go out to eat, returning in about an hour. An hour later the rolls were
ready to go in the oven. It was 8:30pm.
When I went to the living room to retrieve the pans, much to my
shock, one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I called out to Jasper and
my worst nightmare became a reality. He literally wobbled over to me. He
looked like a combination of the Pillsbury dough boy and the Michelin
Tire man wrapped up in fur. He groaned when he walked. I swear even his
cheeks were bloated.
I ran to the phone and called our vet. After a few seconds of
uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would probably be OK, however, I
needed to give him Pepto Bismol every 2 hours for the rest of the night.
God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol any more than
my kids did when they were sick. Suffice to say that by the time we went
to bed the dog was black, white and pink. He was so bloated we had to
lift him onto the bed for the night.
Naively thinking the dog would be all better by morning was very
stupid on my part. We arose at 7:30 and as we always do first thing; put
the dog out to relieve himself. Well, the darn dog was as drunk as a
sailor on his first leave. He was running into walls, falling flat on
his butt and most of the time when he was walking his front half was
going one direction and the other half was either dragging the grass or
headed 90 degrees in another direction. He couldn't lift his leg to pee,
so he would just walk and pee at the same time. When he ran down the
small incline in our back yard he couldn't stop himself and nearly ended
up running into the fence. His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy
as a loon.
I endured another few seconds of laughter from the vet (second call
within 12 hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented in his
belly and that he was indeed drunk. He assured me that, not unlike most
binges we humans go through, it would wear off after about 4 or 5 hours
and to keep giving him Pepto Bismol.
Afraid to leave him by himself in the house, Perry and I loaded him
up and took him with us to my sister's house for the first Thanksgiving
meal of the day. My sister lives outside of Muskogee on a ranch, (10 to
15 minute drive). Rolls firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) and
drunk dog leaning from the back seat onto the console of the car between
Perry and I, we took off.
Now I know you probably don't believe that dogs burp, but believe me
when I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls, DOGS
WILL BURP. These burps were pure Old Charter. They would have matched or
beat any smell in a drunk tank at the police station. But that's not the
worst of it. Now he was beginning to fart and they smelled like baked
rolls. God strike me dead if I am not telling the truth! We endured this
for the entire trip to Karee's, thankful she didn't live any further
away than she did.
Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister's garage with the door
locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving meal of the
day. The dog was the topic of conversation all morning long and everyone
made trips to the garage to witness my drunk dog, each returning with a
tale of Jasper's latest endeavor to walk without running into something.
Of course, as the old adage goes, "what goes in must come out" and
Jasper was no exception. Granted if it had been me that had eaten 12
risen, unbaked yeast rolls, you might as well have put a concrete block
up my behind, but alas a dog's digestive system is quite different from
yours or mine.
I discovered this was a mixed blessing when we prepared to leave
Karee's house. Having discovered his "packages" on the garage floor, we
loaded him up in the car so we could hose down the floor. This was
another naïve decision on our part.
The blast of water from the hose hit the poop on the floor and the
poop on the floor withstood the blast from the hose. It was like
Portland cement beginning to set up and cure. We finally tried to remove
it with a shovel. I (obviously no one else was going to offer their
services) had to get on my hands and knees with a coarse brush to get
the remnants off of the floor.
And as if this wasn't degrading enough, the darn dog in his drunken
state had walked through the poop and left paw prints all over the
garage floor that had to be brushed too.
Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him
home and dropped him off before we left for our second Thanksgiving
dinner at Perry's sister's house. I am happy to report that as of today
(Monday) the dog is back to normal both in size and temperament. He has
had a bath and is no longer tricolor. None the worse for wear I presume.
I am also happy to report that just this evening I found 2 risen
unbaked yeast rolls hidden inside my closet door. It appears he must
have come to his senses after eating 10 of them but decided hiding 2 of
them for later would not be a bad idea.
Now, I'm doing research on the computer as to "How to clean unbaked
dough from the Carpet."
And how was your Day?
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