[SeniorTech] Re: FW: Thanks for all the "internet warnings"... <grin>
- From: Yulin Yao <yulinyao@xxxxxxxxx>
- To: seniortech@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Thu, 9 Jan 2014 15:57:59 -0500
Jerry:
Hope you and your family had wonderful holidays and a nice beginning of
2014.
I still wish talking to you about paying you to help my computer lessons.
Have a nice day.
Yulin
On Thu, Jan 9, 2014 at 3:18 PM, Jerry Taylor <jerry@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
> As we progress into 2014, I want to thank you for
> your educational e-mails over the past year. I am
> totally messed up now and have little chance of recovery.
>
> *I can no longer open a bathroom door *without using
> a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in
> my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on
> the lemon peel.
>
> *I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread *because I can
> only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.
>
> *I have trouble shaking hands *with someone who has been
> driving because the number one pastime while driving alone
> is picking one's nose.
>
> *Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because* I
> can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have
> consumed over the years.
>
> *I can't touch any woman's handbag *for fear she has placed
> it on the floor of a public toilet.
>
> *I must send my special thanks *for the email about rat poo
> in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet
> sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
>
> *ALSO,*now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for
> the same reason.
>
> *I can't have a drink in a bar *because I fear I'll wake up
> in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.
>
> *I can't eat at KFC *because their chickens are actually horrible
> mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.
>
> *I can't use cancer-causing deodorants *even though I smell
> like a water buffalo on a hot day.
>
> *Thanks to you *I have learned that my prayers only get answered
> if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish
> within five minutes.
>
> *Because of your concern,*I no longer drink Coca Cola because
> it can remove toilet stains.
>
> *I no longer buy *fuel without taking someone along to watch the car,
> so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
>
> *I no longer use Cling Wrap *in the microwave because it causes
> seven different types of cancer.
>
> *And thanks for letting me know *I can't boil a cup of water
> in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face,
> disfiguring me for life.
>
> *I no longer go to the cinema *because I could be pricked with a
> needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.
>
> *I no longer go to shopping centers *because someone will drug
> me with a perfume sample and rob me..
>
> And *I no longer answer the phone because *someone will ask
> me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with
> calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan ..
>
> *Thanks to you *I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a
> big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me
> instant death when it bites my butt.
>
> *And thanks to your great advice *I can't ever pick up a
> dime coin dropped in the car park because it was probably
> placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.
>
> *I can't do any gardening *because I'm afraid I'll get bitten
> by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> *If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people inthe next 70
> minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m.
> tomorrow afternoon, and thefleas from 120 camels will infest your back,
> causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because
> it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex
> mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician!*
>
>
> *Oh, and by the way...*
>
>
>
>
> *A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered
> that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mails with their
> hand on the mouse.*
>
>
> *Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.*
>
>
>
> *P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by
> e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. outof the toilet..*
>
> *NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY…*
> Jerry Taylor
> *SeniorTech*
> http://www.seniortech.us
> Personalized In-Home Computer Lessons
> for Senior Citizens and Retirees
> 315-986-9977
> "Computers are not just for kids"
>
>
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