[pr0k] FW: see if you can read the last one without crossing your legs (men)

  • From: Andy Burrows <Andy.Burrows@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: "'pr0k@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx'" <pr0k@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • Date: Tue, 9 Jul 2002 10:43:13 +0100


-----Original Message-----
From: Nick Trout 
Sent: 09 July 2002 10:39
To: Spam
Subject: see if you can read the last one without crossing your legs

Subject: Candidates for the 2002 Darwin Award
> 2002 Darwin Awards 
> These get scarier and scarier every year. They are finally out again. You
> all know about the Darwin Awards - It's an annual honor given to the
> person who did the gene  pool the biggest service by killing themselves in
> the most extraordinarily stupid way. 
> Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which
> toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of
> it. 
>  And the nominees are:  
>  9. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply,
> because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with
> milk. Not  surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into
> the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his
> house down,  killing both him and his sister. 
> 8. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of
> suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6'2" tall and
> weighed 225 pounds. 
> He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle shoes,
> and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was t rying to create a
> schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that
> had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place.
> The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow wooden tube
> approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was inserted
> into his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation.
> Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his
> family very awkward. 
>    7. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft  at low altitude
> when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the
> occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and
> crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around
> their ankles. 
>    6. A police officer in Ohio responded to a 911 call.  She had no
> details before arriving, except that someone had reported that his father
> was not breathing. Upon arrival, the officer found the man face down on
> the couch naked. When she rolled him over to check for a pulse and to
> start CPR, she noticed burn marks around his genitals. After the ambulance
> arrived and removed the man - who was declared dead on arrival at the
> hospital - the police made a closer inspection of the couch, and noticed
> that the man had made a hole between the cushions. Upon flipping the 
> couch over, they discovered what had caused his death.  Apparently, the
> man had a habit of putting his penis between the cushions, down into the
> hole and between two electrical sanders (with the sandpaper removed, for
> obvious reasons). According to the story, after his orgasm the discharge
> shorted out one of the sanders, electrocuting him. 
>  5. A 27-year-old French woman lost control of her car on a highway near
> Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously injuring her passenger and
> killing herself.  As a commonplace road accident, this would not have
> qualified for a Darwin nomination, were it not for the fact that the
> driver's attention had been distracted by her Tamagotchi key ring, which
> had started urgently beeping for food as she drove along. In an attempt to
> press the correct buttons to save the Tamagotchi's    life, the woman lost
> her own. 
>    4. A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to use
> octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax
> County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these
> straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end
> to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren
> Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone
> because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had
> assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the
> ground" Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major
> trauma". 
>    3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a
> friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The
> friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was hospitalized. 
>    2. Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the
> smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building
> extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After
> the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were
> dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty
> navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked.
> Wit nesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching
> into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette
> lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the
> warehouse exploded, sending pieces of 
> it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the
> lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected
> of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers. 
> The latest nominee for this year's Darwin Award (awarded to people for
> incredible feats of stupidity) goes to.... 
> 1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez
> tried to wash his own 
>    "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course.  Proving once again
> that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the
> ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one
> of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with
> Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism.
> Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and
> tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball
> washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are
> in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's
> scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from
> him   forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle
> was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the
> washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury,
> Sanchez broke a new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro
> shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital
> for surgery, and the remaining threesome were asked to leave the course. 

Other related posts: