GUESS WHICH ONE IS ME! -----Original Message----- From: Nick Trout Sent: 09 July 2002 10:39 To: Spam Subject: see if you can read the last one without crossing your legs (men) Subject: Candidates for the 2002 Darwin Award > > 2002 Darwin Awards > These get scarier and scarier every year. They are finally out again. You > all know about the Darwin Awards - It's an annual honor given to the > person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in > the most extraordinarily stupid way. > Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which > toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of > it. > > > And the nominees are: > 9. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, > because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with > milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into > the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his > house down, killing both him and his sister. > > 8. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of > suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6'2" tall and > weighed 225 pounds. > He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle shoes, > and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was t rying to create a > schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that > had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. > The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow wooden tube > approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was inserted > into his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation. > Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his > family very awkward. > > 7. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude > when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the > occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and > crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around > their ankles. > > 6. A police officer in Ohio responded to a 911 call. She had no > details before arriving, except that someone had reported that his father > was not breathing. Upon arrival, the officer found the man face down on > the couch naked. When she rolled him over to check for a pulse and to > start CPR, she noticed burn marks around his genitals. After the ambulance > arrived and removed the man - who was declared dead on arrival at the > hospital - the police made a closer inspection of the couch, and noticed > that the man had made a hole between the cushions. Upon flipping the > couch over, they discovered what had caused his death. Apparently, the > man had a habit of putting his penis between the cushions, down into the > hole and between two electrical sanders (with the sandpaper removed, for > obvious reasons). According to the story, after his orgasm the discharge > shorted out one of the sanders, electrocuting him. > > 5. A 27-year-old French woman lost control of her car on a highway near > Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously injuring her passenger and > killing herself. As a commonplace road accident, this would not have > qualified for a Darwin nomination, were it not for the fact that the > driver's attention had been distracted by her Tamagotchi key ring, which > had started urgently beeping for food as she drove along. In an attempt to > press the correct buttons to save the Tamagotchi's life, the woman lost > her own. > > 4. A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to use > octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax > County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these > straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end > to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren > Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone > because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had > assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the > ground" Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major > trauma". > > 3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a > friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The > friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was hospitalized. > > 2. Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the > smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building > extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After > the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were > dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty > navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. > Wit nesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching > into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette > lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the > warehouse exploded, sending pieces of > it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the > lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected > of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers. > > The latest nominee for this year's Darwin Award (awarded to people for > incredible feats of stupidity) goes to.... > > 1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez > tried to wash his own > "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course. Proving once again > that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the > ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one > of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with > Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. > Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and > tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball > washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are > in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's > scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from > him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle > was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the > washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, > Sanchez broke a new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro > shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital > for surgery, and the remaining threesome were asked to leave the course.