I think he's great! I've always loved his humor! Once I heard him say that
curiosity killed the cat, and for a while, he was the prime suspect. LOL
Vic
On May 12, 2017, at 5:33 AM, Kristine Beltz <pita4492@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:You are subscribed to Ourplace (
I used to hear him on the radio. Some of his thoughts were:
I bought some powdered water but didn't know what to add.
I bought some batteries, but they weren't included; so I had to buy them
again.
I like to fill up my bathtub with water, turn on the shower, and act like I'm
in a submarine that's been hit.
Why is it a penny for your thoughts but you have to put your two cents in?
Someone's making a penny.
I parked my car in a tow away zone, and when I got back, the entire area was
gone.
I tease my plants. When I water them, I water them with ice cubes.
I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint ... it was in the
shape of a house.
Why is the alphabet in that order?
***
The LORD bless thee, and keep thee: The LORD make his face shine upon thee,
and be gracious unto
thee: The LORD lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace. —
Numbers 6:24-26
_________________________________________________________________
On 5/12/2017 2:10 AM, nancy Lynn wrote:
I had a thought like this once. Why is there an about the author section in
a memoir or autobiography? Isn't the whole book about the author?
Hi, everyone. A friend forwarded this, and I thought you might enjoy it.
Devon.
-----Original Message-----
Subject: thoughts of Steven Wright
duplicates."If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the
famous Erudite (comic) scientist who once said: "I woke up one
morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact
cheese.His mind sees things differently than most of us do. . . here are
some of his gems:
1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the
05/04/17
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ...... But she left me
before we met.
12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously
overlooked something.
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever... So far, so good.
20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I
made your horn louder."
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.
25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of
the bread.
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from
many is research.
30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required
to be on it.
33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
34 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
And the all-time favorite -
35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your
headlights work?
No virus found in this message.
Checked by AVG - <http://www.avg.com/email-signature>www.avg.com
Version: 2016.0.8013 / Virus Database: 4776/14430 - Release Date:
ampaign=sig-email&utm_content=emailclient>www.avg.com
Virus-free.
<http://www.avg.com/email-signature?utm_medium=email&utm_source=link&utm_c ;
You are subscribed to Ourplace (
ourplace@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
). To unsubscribe, send blank email with "unsubscribe" in the subject line;
do not include quotation marks:
ourplace-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
. To contact the owner or moderator, send email to
ourplace-moderators@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
. Please do not put your complaints on the list. Thanks for your cooperation!
You are subscribed to Ourplace (
ourplace@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
). To unsubscribe, send blank email with "unsubscribe" in the subject line;
do not include quotation marks:
ourplace-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
. To contact the owner or moderator, send email to
ourplace-moderators@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
. Please do not put your complaints on the list. Thanks for your cooperation!
You are subscribed to Ourplace (
ourplace@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
). To unsubscribe, send blank email with "unsubscribe" in the subject line;
do not include quotation marks:
ourplace-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
. To contact the owner or moderator, send email to
ourplace-moderators@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
. Please do not put your complaints on the list. Thanks for your cooperation!
