Marrying Opposites
"You and your husband don't seem to have an awful lot in common." said
the new tenant's neighbor. "Why on earth did you get married?"
"I suppose it was the old business of 'opposites attract'." was the
reply. "He wasn't pregnant and I was."
Which Came First?
Angela said her son, Aaron, who is halfway between 2 and 3, was looking
at a picture book, pointed at an egg and declared, "Cookie."
"No, no," mother corrected. "That's not a cookie. Look again. What
is it?"
"Marshmella," Aaron said.
"No, not a marshmallow," mother said. "Think about it. What do
chickens lay?"
Aaron's face lit up. "McNuggets," he shouted triumphantly.
More Random Thoughts
I stayed up all night so that I could watch the sun rise, and it
finally dawned on me.
Hey, did the wizard ever get back to you about that brain?
The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead
of his tongue.
Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for
what you want.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick
boxing.
I know a guy who does the work of three men... Moe, Larry & Curly.
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
Remember, it doesn't matter whether you win or lose; what matters is
whether I win or lose.
My watch is two hours fast, and I can't reset it. So I'm going to move
to New York.
He who hesitates is not only lost, but probably several miles from the
next freeway exit.
Middle age is when your narrow waist and broad mind exchange places.
You're getting old when tying one on means fastening your MedicAlert
bracelet.
I'm an early bird and a night owl, so I'm wise and I have worms.
It is the daily grind that gives a person polish. Join the AAAAAA!
(American Association Against Acronym Abuse Anonymous) Laughter is like
changing a baby's diaper: It doesn't permanently solve any problems,
but it makes things more acceptable for awhile.
"Mr. Maniac. Mr. Klepto Maniac, return the white courtesy phone,
please."
My doctor is an eye, ear, nose, throat and wallet specialist.
A man went to buy a parrot. The pet shop owner pointed out three
identical parrots and said, "The parrot to the left costs 500 dollars."
"Why does that parrot cost so much?" the man wondered.
The owner replied, "Well, it knows how to use a computer."
The man asked about the next parrot.
"That one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other
parrot can do, plus it knows how to use the LINUX operating system."
Naturally, the startled customer asked about the third parrot.
"That one costs 2,000 dollars."
"And what does that one do?" the man asked.
The owner replied, "To be honest, I've never seen him do a thing, but
the other two call him Boss."
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