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From: laughing_stalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx [mailto:laughing_stalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx] On ;
Behalf Of Erik Deckers erik.deckers@xxxxxxxxx [laughing_stalk]
Sent: Friday, March 31, 2017 12:30 AM
To: undisclosed-recipients:
Subject: [Laughing Stalk] This week's Laughing Stalk -- You'll Have to Pry My
Stick from My Cold, Dead Fingers
You'll Have to Pry My Stick from My Cold, Dead Fingers Erik Deckers Laughing
Stalk syndicate Copyright 2017
Administrators with Hoke County Schools in North Carolina are once again
proving that no overreaction is too big for inconsequential situations. Two
weeks ago, they suspended a 5-year-old girl for pointing a stick that looked
like a gun at a boy.
A few days later, after a national outcry, they stood by their asinine
decision. Or at least, they stood as well as they could with their heads up a
place heads normally don't go.
Last week, Caitlin Miller was playing "King and Queen" with two of her friends
during recess at J.W. McLaughlin Elementary School. Her friends were the queen
and princess, and Caitlin was the bodyguard. She even found a small stick that
looked sort of like a gun.
When another boy approached them, she reportedly pointed the stick and made a
shooting motion. The boy told a teacher, who then sent Caitlin to the main
office.
That's when the administration went in to full-on overreaction mode. According
to WTVD News, school officials said Caitlin "posed a threat to other students
when she made a shooting motion." She must not have been that dangerous,
because they only suspended her for one day, citing policy 4331.
It's like Monsters, Inc. whenever a monster came into contact with a human
object, and other monsters in hazmat suits would tackle him, shouting "23-19!
23-19!" I can just imagine a bunch of administrators, dressed in khakis,
tackling Caitlin and shouting "43-31! 43-31!"
Meanwhile, her mom Brandy called the media. She said her daughter never
intended to hurt anyone, and that she was just playing like any normal
5-year-old would.
When Caitlin returned to school, Brandy said her daughter had been alienated by
her friends and teacher, and she hoped the school would issue an apology.
Of course, apologizing means you think you've done something wrong, and that
you're not a zero-tolerance bully who took things way too far.
Needless to say, people were appropriately outraged, and the story made the
national news. In fact, the reaction was so overwhelming, Hoke County school
administrators had what local media called "an emergency meeting" about whether
they could have maybe possibly gone a wee bit too far in suspending a
five-year-old for being a five-year-old.
(Hint: If you have to ask whether you did, then you did. And if you hold an
emergency meeting about it, then you definitely did.)
Hoke County school officials issued a statement that said they "will not
tolerate assaults, threats, or harassment from any student. Any student
engaging in such behavior will be removed from the classroom or school
environment for as long as is necessary to provide a safe and orderly
environment for learning."
If you've ever been in a situation where someone purposely over exaggerates
something you do — like accusing you of waving your arms wildly when you
actually only held your hands up and shrugged your shoulders — you know how
badly Hoke County administrators are acting. A 5-year-old pointing a stick is
not a threat.
When I was a kid, we played finger guns and "shot" each other all the time. And
then we spent the next five minutes arguing about it.
"I shot you, you're dead!"
"Nuh-uh! You missed! I was behind the tree!"
"Nuh-uh! Your butt was sticking out and the bullet grazed the tree and hit you
in the butt!"
"Nuh-uh! The bullet would have bounced off if it grazed the tree!"
And then we descended into a bunch of 8-year-olds having a shout-debate about
ballistics and physics, and it stopped being fun.
But this is a clear case of adults not understanding or remembering how kids
play. "It is our duty to ensure the safety of our students and staff.
Therefore, we respond to all threats in a serious manner and take appropriate
action," Hoke County administrators also said in their statement. "Even those
non-threats that everyone knows don't actually mean anything and can be solved
with a simple conversation."
Well, it should have said that last part, but we are talking about school
administrators. Of the ones I've encountered, I only know a few I would trust
to make the smart decision.
Look, a high school kid waving a baseball bat around is a threat. A kid who
flings peanut butter at kids with peanut allergies is a threat. But a
5-year-old shouting that she's going to shoot a palace intruder with a stick is
not an actual threat. It's a knee-jerk overreaction by people who forfeited
their common sense when they got their first tiny whiff of power.
Rather than trying to teach Caitlin that "you shouldn't say you'll kill
people," they chose the nuclear option and turned this into a much bigger
situation than it needed to be.
It sounds like they're the real threat to an orderly learning environment.
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Posted by: Erik Deckers <erik.deckers@xxxxxxxxx>
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