[mit-ac6] xXi: LeTTing Go!
- From: roxie ? <roxie_221504@xxxxxxxxx>
- To: mit-ac6@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Thu, 26 Sep 2002 04:18:47 +0100 (BST)
I was right. It is really hard to fall in love with someone
who'll hurt you in the end. I fell for my friend, though I never thought I
would. But life goes on no matter what takes place, I would have to
forget him and somehow move on with my life. It may be hard to move on
without him, but if he's happy with someone else, I'll have to learn to
let go, even if it's letting go the hard way.
We met in junior high, and became indivisible. We were always
beside each other, helping one if the other is down. We were like
partners: Fred and Wilma, Scooby and Scrappy, milk and cookies. The only
difference is that we had our own legend in school. We were Anne and Ben -
the most perfect pair. Girls loved him and drooled just to spend a
minute with him. And honestly speaking, guys went the same for me. Our
friends kept on assuring us that we'd be together till the end, no matter
what happens. Though we started only as friends, our friends paired us
in everything. Coming home from the high school dance, he finally
proposed. He said things like, "I don't guarantee you that I wouldn't hurt
you because I'm not perfect. I may do things that'll hurt us both because
I only love, but I can guarantee you one thing, I'll forever love you,
and forever keep you safe? as long as you accept me tonight and in
time, if I may ever hurt you in any way, I'll come back, no matter what." I
was
left with no words to say, we became "us" that same night.
We stayed together for years. No one ever tore us apart and nothing
ever changed the way we felt towards the other. I loved him and he did
love me, too like life itself. Good times happened and it will forever
leave memories behind. His footprints will always be present in my
heart. That was what I always kept in mind.
A few years after college, he was offered a good job in Canada. A
perfect restaurant business offer was what he was waiting for, but we
never thought it would be out of the country. The pay, the people,
everything seemed right, except for one thing - me. If he'd accept it, I'll be
left here in the Philippines just longing for him each day. But, I
loved him too much; enough to set him free and see him someday, if we're
really meant. Destiny was what I called it. A part of him wanted to go,
but also a part wanted to stay, but I pushed him to leave. "If we are
meant to hold each other at night when it's cold, if we are meant to take
care of one another when we get old, destiny would somehow bring us
back together," I used to say to him.
Days after that, he left. As I was watching his plane take off, I
remembered all the good times we had. Those, I thought, would never be
erased in our hearts. I didn't let him go because I wanted to hurt him,
or I didn't love him enough. I set him free because I firmly believed
that we would, as my friends used to say, come down till the end.
For the first few years that he was away, we would always talk on
the phone, sharing the events that had happened that day. But, along the
way, we lost each other. I didn't know what to think or even how to
feel. My whole life depended on him too much and I didn't have enough
courage to finally say goodbye.
Years after, I found out that he was engaged to his partner in his
business, and a few days before his wedding day, he came home - with his
girl. He came to me and told me the news, apologized, and yes, hurt me.
After all the years I've learned not to think about him, when he was
there, my heart melted. My feelings were too strong just to be forgotten.
"What happened?" I asked him, but no response came.
"Somehow, we lost track," he finally said after moments of
silence.
"I know, why?"
"I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry, too, but tell me Ben, why?"
That night, I had no other choice but to forgive him, and
giving him my final hug, tears flowed uncontrollably.
Today is his wedding day, and maybe, right now, he is saying
his vows to the girl he loves.
It is really tough to let go of someone you've learned to spend your
life with. It's hard, knowing that in spite of your differences, you've
made it. But, whatever the reason behind why he just stopped loving me,
I would have to accept it. I don't know if I could ever learn to love
again. I don't even know if I want to. I'm scared of getting hurt, being
left one more time. Maybe, I don't have enough courage to be harmed
again. However, I know love works this way. You long for someone you want
to spend forever with, you find, you love, you have him, but in time,
you lose him then you get hurt. It all goes around in circles.
But with Ben, I'll always have faith in him. Why? Simple... he
guaranteed me that.
roxiexXi
---------------------------------
Get a bigger mailbox -- choose a size that fits your needs.
Other related posts:
- » [mit-ac6] xXi: LeTTing Go!
