[lit-ideas] Ubiquitous Man
- From: "Simon Ward" <sedward@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: <lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Mon, 29 Jan 2007 22:59:59 -0000
I'm going to get a T-shirt made. On the front it will say: I Am Ubiquitous Man.
Let me explain; today I got told off. Not bad for somebody in advance of forty,
but it was the circumstances that I thought warranted a note.
I work half a day in the local Oxfam Books and Music Shop. A sensible enough
ploy that gives me a headstart on buying second hand books. Also working there
is a woman who we'll call Freda*. She's around fifty, recently divorced with
two daughters and an unfavourable opinion of 'men'.
I was researching book prices on the internet and amongst the pile were a few
hydrographic charts - admiralty copies - that were mostly water damaged.
Although they had some value, it wasn't enough to warrant the effort of
re-arranging the shop to display them on the off chance that someone might
spend the couple of quid necessary to take them away. The only other option as
far as I could see was to dispose of them (Oxfam has a policy on condition), so
I carried them to the back of the shop where Freda and another volunteer were
sorting books.
"I think I'll have to throw these," I said.
They nodded their agreement so I placed the charts atop the already full bin.
"I'll leave them here then," I announced with an attempt at humour.
Turning my back and starting through the door, I was brought up short by
Freda's strident voice.
"Typical man," she said, "just put's something down and walks away."
Calmly, I turned back and picked up the charts again. "Perhaps I'll take these
back with me," I said and walked out.
Naturally enough this produced a brief bout of whispered conversation and the
odd giggle. Later, Freda went out and came back with cream cakes. She offered
me first choice. (I refused the offer and made do with what remained after
everybody else had chosen.)
At the end of the shift, our replacements arrived. A nice old woman - a former
medical secretary - brought the charts into the back room where I was cashing
up. I told her I was thinking of throwing them. She nodded her agreement and
placed them all on top of the already full bin.
So I became Ubiquitous Man. It feels oddly comforting to know that all men have
these problems.
Simon
Now blessed with a more complete understanding of the world.
*In order to protect her privacy, I changed Jo's name to Freda.
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