[lit-ideas] Ten Reasons Why "300" is Gay
- From: Jlsperanza@xxxxxxx
- To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Thu, 15 Nov 2007 22:08:39 EST
While L. J. Helm is researching hard into how gay Xerxes was, we into Grecian
studies have it easy.
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10. Close-up scenes of men stroking their weapons.
9. Every single Spartan soldier is wearing nothing but a loincloth and has a
perfectly hairless, oiled chest that bulges with man-muscle boobs.
8. Voiceover describes the battle as containing "thrusting of swords."
7. Enemy Xerxes walks up behind hero Leonidas, puts his hands on Leonidas
shoulders, and whispers in his ear that Leonidas should "bow down" to him.
6. Voiceover explains repeatedly that the Spartan soldiers are "hard." Lest
we forget about the hardness, we are also told that "there is no room for
softness."
(http://blog.wired.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/03/25/gaybeef.jpg) 5. Very
looooooong shot of Leonidas standing buck naked on a balcony at dawn, his
perfectly round ass caressed by the light.
4. Leonidas' erect beard, which we see in close-up silhouette every time he
gives a speech, is very long and sculpted and thrusty. Clearly this is
included just to pull in the gay bear audience.
3. Literally every scene includes either penetration or thrusting. Did I
mention the thrusting?
2. Only heterosexual character is a deformed, insane, Golem-like creature who
betrays the Spartans just to have sex with some of Xerxes' female slaves.
1. Spartans kick Persian ass in a long, tight crack between two cliffs known
as "the hot gates." Their strategy is to "drive them into the crack." That's
where the "hard" Spartans will get 'em.
_http://blog.wired.com/tableofmalcontents/2007/03/10_reasons_why_.html#comment
-64597374_
(http://blog.wired.com/tableofmalcontents/2007/03/10_reasons_why_.html#comment-64597374)
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