[lit-ideas] Sage in a dream
- From: "Lawrence Helm" <lawrencehelm@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: "Lit-Ideas " <Lit-Ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>, <rhodesianridgebacks@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>, " rr-folk" <rr-folk@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Wed, 6 Nov 2013 09:06:28 -0800
Last night I dreamt I was walking through a strange
neighborhood, through back alleys and streets. At last I got to where I was
going, someone's house that Susan and I were visiting. Susan showed up a
few minutes later by car and I asked, "Where's Sage?"
She said, "I thought she was with you," and began talking to the
people we had come to visit, but I was worried. I kept looking out the door
to see if she was out there. Finally, I announced, but no one seemed to pay
attention, "I'm going to find her."
I began walking back the way I had come. I didn't walk too
terribly far before I entered a park. It wasn't a huge park but one like
they have in San Jacinto, an obligation park that builders must create
before they are given permission to build. This one was surrounded by
hedges and as I entered I could see a number of dogs. Additional dogs
popped up from behind hedges to look at me. A huge shaggy reddish dog was
the most formidable. He was as large as an Irish Wolfhound and didn't seem
friendly, but I had no time to waste. I kept walking until I reached the
edge of the park and standing outside its boundaries was Sage. Her head was
down. She'd come a long way and been through some brush which was clinging
to her coat. I was overjoyed and rushed out of the park as she sat there
and hugged her.
And then I woke. It took me a couple of seconds to realize that
Sage had died two months ago. Her being dead and the memory of the dream
were together for a moment. I didn't long to have her back because that
would have meant a restoration of her suffering. By the time she gave way
to her pain it was late Saturday and the vet was closed. The vet was closed
Sunday as well and also the next day which was a holiday. I would have
spared Sage that if I could, but the world and nature were inflexible. And
then it seemed that instead of a longing to have her restored to me, I was
being given in my dream an opportunity to say good bye to her.
Later I thought of Dante and wondered about the significance of
Sage being outside the park. She and I had never been to a dog-park. We
hiked mostly at the river and if we went for walks it was at night when we
rarely encountered anyone, and if we encountered a stray dog that seemed
aggressive toward Sage, she discourage its intentions, whatever they were.
Was the park a purgatorio or a paradiso? If either, Sage was
outside.
One day years ago at the river, Sage chased after a rabbit and
disappeared. After a bit I turned around to look for her but couldn't find
her. I called as I searched. I was sure that by that time she had given up
chasing the rabbit and was looking for Ginger and me, but we couldn't find
each other. At last I returned to the Jeep to see if she would eventually
come back there, and after about 20 minutes she did: very hot and with
tongue lolling. That happened one more time a few weeks later. But after
that I would wait at the spot where Sage left us. I wouldn't continue on
until I could see her again, and she could see me.
If my losing Sage in the dream had really happened then I would
have taken her back to the house we were visiting and put her in the back
seat of Susan's car to wait for us. But the dream ended there. Not only
did it end but it seemed the fitting end. I didn't wake up thinking that
Sage should have followed me anyplace else. We were together again for just
that one last time, and then I woke.
Lawrence
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