[lit-ideas] Re: Lumpy Vista
- From: David Ritchie <ritchierd@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Mon, 27 Oct 2008 21:04:37 -0700
I'm now in the wine business.
How do you know for certain that your wine grapes are absolutely
ready to be picked? Simple. You wait, and wait, and wait, and then
one day you step outside to throw the ball for the dog and find a
whole flock of birds gorging themselves. Bloody dinosaurs...should
have stayed extinct, is my view.
I harvested what was left of the cab and merlot and ran around to the
other vines, ending up with about a half a shopping basket-full
which, when pressed by my patented process, yielded two full cups of
juice. This I blended with some leftover wine from South Africa,
chucked in a bit of yeast, stretched a balloon over the top and hey
presto, Lumpy Vista winery is in business. Look for me in the pages
of "The Wine Ogler."
What is this patented grape-press? You take one nice clean stainless-
steel mixing bowl from a nest of three. You scald it with boiling
water. You take a second nice, clean etc and scald the outside of
the bottom of that. You put the small one inside the large one and
add weight the old-fashioned way; you stand in the bowl.
Next year the harvest might double!
I'm taking reservations for a limited number of the barrel-select,
hand-picked, lightly-killed, naturally -recycled tasting
opportunities of the future.
David Ritchie,
Portland, Oregon
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