[guide.chat] : Fw: Laugh

From: "Keith Wines" <keith.wines@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
To: "guide chat" <guide.chat@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Date: Fri, 8 Apr 2011 00:02:15 +0100
: Fw: Laugh
And here is another good one from Judith sent today Thursday 07/04/2011,hold 
onto your sides.
Subject: Fw: Laugh

Quantasss Airlines: Repair Division 

In case you need a laugh 
Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school 
diploma to fix one. 

After every flight, Quantasss pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe Sheet' 
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. 
The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and 
then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight. 

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. 
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantasss' pilots 
(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance 
engineers. 

By the way, Quantas  is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an 
accident. 

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement. 
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre. 

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. 
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. 

P: Something loose in cockpit. 
S: Something tightened in cockpit. 

P: Dead bugs on windshield. 
S: Live bugs on back-order. 

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. 
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. 

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. 
S: Evidence removed. 

P: DME volume unbelievably loud. 
S: DME volume set to more believable level. 

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. 
S: That's what friction locks are for. 

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. 
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. 

P: Suspected crack in windshield. 
S: Suspect you're right. 

P: Number 3 engine missing. 
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. 

P: Aircraft handles funny............ (I love this one!) 
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. 

P: Target radar hums. 
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. 

P: Mouse in cockpit. 
S: Cat installed. 

And the best one for last.................. 
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on 
something with a hammer. 
S: Took hammer away from midget.
[guide.chat] : Fw: Laugh

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