[guide.chat] Fw: European Security Threat Levels
- From: "James Liddell" <james.liddell2@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: "Rev Steve Clipston" <steveclipston@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>, "Guide Chat" <guide.chat@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>, "Mr James McCann ( jnr)" <james_mccann88@xxxxxx>, "Susan McCann(â" <susymccann11@xxxxxxxxxxx>, "Mrs Jean McMurdo" <jeanmcmurdo2000@xxxxxxxxxxx>, "Rev James Sloan" <jsloan8@xxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Sun, 12 Aug 2012 19:02:26 +0100
>
>
>Enjoy this review of the European security threat levels.
>The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and
>have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."
>
>Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even
>"A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in
>1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.
>Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance."
>The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in
>1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
>
>The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the
>Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have
>been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
>
>The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert
>level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are
>"Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire
>that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the
>country's military capability.
>
>Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to
>"Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat
>Operations" and "Change Sides."
>
>The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to
>"Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels:
> "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
>
>Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat
>they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
>
>The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.
>These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy
>can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
>
>Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to
>"She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I
>think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is
>cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final
>escalation level.
>
>A final thought - "Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive,
>and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC"...
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