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Sent: 1/6/2021 12:45:54 PM Mountain Standard Time
Subject: Fwd: Growing older
Subject: Fwd: Growing older
| T he devil whispered to me, “I’m coming for you.” I whispered back, “Bring
pizza.”
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and
leave the house.
I t’s weird being the same age as old people.
W hen I was a kid I wanted to be older…this is not what I expected.
L ife is like a helicopter. I don’t know how to operate a helicopter.
C hocolate is God’s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
I t’s probably my age that tricks people into thinking I’m an adult.
Marriage Counselor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that
true?Him:
To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.
N ever sing in the shower! Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to
slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So remember…Don’t
sing!
M y wife asked me to take her to one of those restaurants where they make the
food right in front of you. So I took her to Subway and that’s how the fight
started.
I don’t think the therapist is supposed to say “wow,” that many times in your
first session but here we are…
I see people about my age mountain climbing; I feel good getting my leg
through my underwear without losing my balance.
W e can all agree that in 2015 not a single person got the answer correct to:
‘Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?’
S o if a cow doesn’t produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder failure?
I f you can’t think of a word say “I forgot the English word for it.”
That way people will think you’re bilingual instead of an
idiot.
I ’m at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.
Coronacoaster
noun: the ups and downs of a pandemic. One day you’re loving your bubble,
doing work outs, baking banana bread and going for long walks and the next
you’re crying, drinking gin for breakfast and missing people you don’t even
like.
I ’m at that age where my mind still thinks I’m 29, my humor suggests I’m 12,
while my body mostly keeps asking if I’m sure I’m not dead yet.
D on’t be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you. Your vacuum
cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for years.
I ’m getting tired of being part of a major historical event.
I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do it’s because I missed my
exit.
H ow many of us have looked around our family reunion and thought “Well aren’t
we just two clowns short of a circus?”
Y ou don’t realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to
get back up.
W e all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in
our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. |
| |
